Stressed about FIL's filthy house and family avoiding difficult conversations

[PeppyBalonz]

I'm so stressed so just want a rant .

Background we are working parents of two small kids, always busy either with kids activities etc or maintaining our home.

FIL up to now was fit and healthy, but recently had a cancer scare and kidney removed. He now needs a hip op.

My stress point is that his house has not been cleaned for 20 yrs since his wife passed away. Both kids my husband included are too scared of upsetting him to go in and dump everything. I can't get involved as I just get told to butt out by SIL.

Honestly I want to be supportive but I just know once he gets a date for his next op or if something unforseen happens it will be all scrambling around and our family, my mental health and the kids day to day will suffer.

I just wish they could have it out with each other, say what they need to say and then move on with a long term plan to sort the house out.

I even hate bringing my kids over as it's filthy and it kills me for them so see that it's ok .

Why does he need benefits if he has a great pension? We don’t need to take off the tax payer. He never has.
I tried to teach him how to put a duvet cover on. There is no way he could do it. Don’t ask me why. He can cook a meal. He is an ex finance director. But he doesn’t notice mess and doesn’t seem bothered. So I help him. He can walk miles.
But I have given up trying to persuade him to clean. He also boils water to wash, trying to save money. He has developed some very strange ways.