Developed feelings for another woman in my thirties and feeling confused

[Lostsoul35]

Has anyone else experienced this.
I'm 36 why have I all of a sudden developed feelings for another woman.
I'm so confused by this, never have I looked twice at another woman sexually or emotionally. I've always exclusively like men. I was with the same man from 17 till 34.
I have lots of lesbian friends and been around gay people since my teens not once have I had any thoughts like this. Quite the opposite the thought of being with another woman was a total turn off to me. Apparently not now I have a crush on another woman my stomach does backflips when she walks in.
I don't know what to do with these feelings

ask her out and see what develops? I dated a woman when I was younger, turned out I'm not (or wasn't then) gay so ended things pretty quickly. Today after being happily married for 25 years I'd be more interested in dating a woman then a man if I were single tbh.

I know several women who say they will only consider dating women now after tiring of men. Women are much more intuitive and easier to get along with so if you're feeling an attraction I say go for it. Assuming you think she feels similarly of course.

Are both single? If so, as pp said, ask her out and see what happens.

It’s understandable that you feel confused having got this far with no interest in women, but I don’t think this is unusual and is more common than you think. More so nowadays as there’s far more acceptance around gay relationships. I’d imagine in years gone by women felt exactly as you do but couldn’t do anything about it due to shame/stigma.

Do you know if she is into women? if you’re both single, there’s no harm in exploring these feelings.

I had the same aged 38. We’ve been together for 13 years and are incredibly happy!
I sat with the feelings for about 3 years before I did anything about it but we had been close friends for 10 years before we got together.

Has it always been men in general for you?

are you one of those faux lesbians who think kissing another woman will be cute and sexy and all on your terms, until you are actually expected to give oral sex to another woman?

quite possibly this woman represents everything you want to be. I have a huge crush on Zoe Bell, not because I want to make love to her but because she represents everything I wish I could be

Has anyone else experienced this.

Yes, you see these threads in Relationships probably once a fortnight so perhaps have a look using the search function.

If you're both single and she's gay, perhaps you could explore it.

Although most lesbians I know don't take kindly to being another woman's 'experiment' if you see what I mean.

That was unnecessarily harsh. The OP is allowed to discuss her feelings and explore her sexuality.

And nobody should be “expected to give oral sex” to another person.

Of course she is no one suggested otherwise.

maybe you aren’t aware that mutual oral sex forms the basis of most female sexual activity?

Yes, for some, not all. The thing I have a problem with is that a sexual act should be ‘expected’.

Many lesbians and gay men come out well into adulthood, and after being in long term heterosexual relationships. Suggesting that the OP is a ‘faux lesbian’ could very well mean the OP feels less able to discuss how she is feeling.

But we are in danger of derailing the OP’s thread so we should probably leave it there.

That's a thought I've not even considered and to be quite honest it scares me abit.
These feelings are very new. I don't know this person overly well. Making it more complicated I work with her. I speak to her daily and seem to have alot in common and have a great laugh together.
I know a fair few women who have swapped men for women. My friends wife to be being one.
Thank you for being kind

Okay does “reciprocated” work better for you? You’re taking what I said out of context

It's more the fact I've never looked at women before I'm so confused by this.
Yes she's into women I actually think she's only recently came out herself. She keeps it fairly quiet.
Im scared to say anything to her incase it makes things between us weird we have a good laugh and get on really well. We also work together and that's usually a big no for me

Is the other woman openly gay? If so, I’d be really sure you like her like that before you ask her out. Even if you didn’t intend it to be an experiment it could come across that way if you decide you don’t like her in that way, if you see what I mean?

I totally get that. I don't know where these feelings came from.
It's in no way some sort of midlife sexual experiment. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. In all honesty I don't know how I'd feel about being sexually involved with another women. It's never something that's crossed my mind.
As I said a lot of my friends are lesbians so fully understand how one of them would feel. In saying that one of my oldest friends wife to be is was only with men until they met.

It has always been men. I can appreciate the beauty of another woman but never felt like this.

I am in no way a faux lesbian. I don't even know what to think about my feelings right now. I haven't even spoken to my best friend about it yet. As for being physical with a woman I've never considered I genuinely don't know how I'd feel about oral sex with a woman.
These feelings are brand new. The other person and I are quite similar in what we like so I don't think it's that

I'm not sure if she is openly gay but she has told me she's into women.
Completely understand what your saying. Id never want to intentionally hurt anyone. If I was to ask her I would be completely honest and tell her how confused I am.
I'm not even sure if I would ask her as we work together and well usually that's a big no for me. I don't know how to feel about all of this I was in a long term relationship with a man for a long time . Haven't even considered dating since breaking up.

Thank you for this. I'm glad you found your happiness ❤️. How did you go about coming to terms with your feelings and talking to her about it

If she has only recently come out, she may well have experienced all of the feelings and confusion that you are. She might understand what you are going through more than anyone else.

If you were with one person from 17-34 it’s not like you had much time to experiment.

Your completely right about that. I value the friendship that has developed and don't want to complicate anything. I'm also unsure if I'm her type so baring all terrifies me. I've never really dated anyone so don't even know how to start anything. Just kind of fell into a long term relationship at 17.
I'm rubbish with sharing my feelings and overthink everything.

You don't have to act on your feelings immediately. It's ok to sit with them a while until you feel less confused.

I don't think it's unusual though. I knew I was bi since I was a teen but I was more attracted to men. Something changed in my 30s and now I'm very gay. It took years for me to start thinking of myself as a lesbian rather than still bisexual.

I also appreciate that many lesbians wouldn't want to be involved with a later in life lesbian because they've had painful experiences of bicurious women experimenting with them or bisexual women who have gone back to men.

That's true. I had opportunities beforehand with the friend circle I have it was never what I was into. Girls never don't it for me at all.
I'm unsure how these feelings have came about.
I'm only just feeling like me again after the break up and haven't considered dating at all. The kids and I are happy just us

Thank you for being so understanding.
I've sat with friends and listened through their feelings like this. My best friend told me she was a lesbian when we were 16 were still like sisters to this day.
It's just now it's me that's feeling these things and I don't know how to react to it.
That I understand aswell I've seen it happen a few times to people I know. If I was to go ahead I'd be 100% honest in telling them how I feel and how confused I am about it all and would completely understand if they didn't feel the same way.

I'm 40 and currently divorcing my husband because I realised that I am attracted to women. Never was before, and likewise I took some time to process it all because I worried I was losing my mind. I fell in love with a friend, basically.

The Late Bloomer Lesbians subReddit is a good place for discussion, if you want a focused space.

Thank you. How did you know that's actually what you wanted. Sorry very silly question.
I'm scared of these feelings they are so new