Developed feelings for another woman in my thirties and feeling confused

[Lostsoul35]

Has anyone else experienced this.
I'm 36 why have I all of a sudden developed feelings for another woman.
I'm so confused by this, never have I looked twice at another woman sexually or emotionally. I've always exclusively like men. I was with the same man from 17 till 34.
I have lots of lesbian friends and been around gay people since my teens not once have I had any thoughts like this. Quite the opposite the thought of being with another woman was a total turn off to me. Apparently not now I have a crush on another woman my stomach does backflips when she walks in.
I don't know what to do with these feelings

I wouldn’t over think it. Just see what develops and take it one step at a time. I think many people have the potential to be attracted to their own sex . Sometimes it happens earlier, sometimes later. It’s the person not what sex they are sometimes. You fall in love with the person.

There were a few different things going on for me - my marriage was on its way out anyway, so it didn't play the decisive role there. I had a huge health scare and various things came together all at once. Really positive experiences of being looked after by the women in my life, feeling their softness and care and realising that I kept wishing I could live with them and raise our kids together and how much easier and more joyful it would be. I developed an elaborate fantasy about a friend - imagining us living together, imagining looking after her and so on. And then down the line I began to think about what sex with another woman would be like and how that might feel and I realised that it was something that I wanted. (Spoiler, the reality matched up!)

Lots of LBL women have a catalyst who makes them realise that they might be gay or bisexual. It's a common experience.

And it's not a silly question, OP.

@Lostsoul35- we worked together very closely so spent a lot of time together. I talked to another very close friend about how I felt. She asked me if I wanted to sleep with her or I just admired her….that’s something you need to ask yourself and really be honest!! I’d never been intimate with a woman before this….

I have felt this twice now. I never told the first woman because we are both married to men. Second woman I also haven’t told but still madly in love with her. One day….

Also they are both very close friends and didn’t want to throw the friendship away

One step at a time. I think first I need to talk to my best mate she knows me better than anyone else and would understand my feelings. She will know if it's just a phase in finding a new me or something real.

Thank you for sharing your story.
Alot of what you just said is thoughts I've had over the last couple of months. It's took alot for me to stick my big girl pants on to even ask on here. I haven't even spoken to my best mate about it and we tell eachother every. I think she knows me better than me sometimes.
I do feel much better that I have spoken about it. Even if it's a bunch of random strangers on here.

Give it time. And remember that it’s okay to feel the way you do. I didn’t realise that I was bisexual until I was well into adulthood. I’ve now had relationships with both men and women, and I’m married to a man, but I remember how destabilising it was when I first realised I was also attracted to women.

I haven't thought about intimacy yet at all that I'm not sure how I'd feel or react to. Furthest I've got is a peck with a couple of friends for a laugh 😂. The thought of being with another woman was a total turn off to me when I was younger. I've not considered it now though I'd never say never. I just wouldn't want to get involved n hurt someone if I couldn't go through with it.
Even sleeping man after being with someone for so long kind of freaks me out now. I'm very self conscious about myself.

It's confusing isn't it. Do you think you will ever tell them your feelings

Follow Hayley Ann Charles on insta she’s recently become lesbian at your age and talks about it

I am struggling with feeling okay about it. Right now it doesn't seem okay to me that these feelings have just popped up out of nowhere. Most of me knows it's okay geez I've never had an issue with anyone else being attracted to the same sex. I'm going to talk it through with my best mate she will get it

sometimes we fall for those we least expect,

I e always known I’m bi so different from your situation. What I will say though is for me men are men, some are more attractive than others, most have lots of negative about them, but society and how they interact with you makes you see them as men. Not that I’m saying all men are sexually pushy but you know what I mean. You don’t have to pursue men and it’s very easy to get into relationships with men. I’ve always known I like women but it’s rare I will see a woman as someone I’m interested in, I don’t have to think about what signals I’m sending and if it’s safe to walk home alone with one etc so they are just people to me. Then when you come across one you find attractive it’s much more intense. Also don’t know if this is normal or not but the attraction to a woman is to them first before the sexual part.

i think you need to be honest with her. Tell her you are questioning your sexuality and have a crush. Be prepared for her to not be interested, I found lots of women I to women don’t want the hassle of a new lesbian or don’t trust you are I to women if you have a history with men. But then there will be women like me who don’t have much experience and would love someone else to do the approaching, even if I’m not interested I could take the compliment and remain friends after

I had this at 35, left my (rubbish) marriage and 20 years later I’m very happily married to my wife. We’ve been together almost 18 years.
Being gay wasn’t something that would have been acceptable in my family when I was young, and so I didn’t consider it an option. It bubbled around in my head but until my mid 30’s I think I buried it.
Now in my 50’s and can’t believe the wonderful life I now have.

Are you trying to shock us? How sad.

Is there something wrong with me?

Yeah, you’re a shit writer.

Dont label it. Feelings are more about the person than the gender. Hope it all works out for you!! ☺️☺️☺️

Ok this is probably going to sound terribly woo-woo, and yet maybe this is the deal. I understand that you have no idea where your feelings come from, and that this seems to really be your concern, which I appreciate. It would be surprising.
The possible woo-woo explanation is that sometimes we have soul contracts with people in a way we least expect. The draw may not make any sense, but we are driven. We are in the same place at the right time with someone key for us.
What about if you simply get to know her a little outside of work? See if she'd like to go for a coffee? Then you can feel things out a bit for yourself. You won't ever know unless you give it a try. She may become a good friend or something more. But take those first steps.

Zoe Bell! She is f amazing isn't she. Who wouldn't feel this way?

I have a friend who split from her husband, she was single for a while as she just didn’t find a man she liked that way. She then met a lovely woman and they’ve been together for years now, she says if they ever split up she thinks she’d go back to men. When DH and I split up she recommended being open to dating women but I doubt I’d ever be able to, I just don’t fancy women. If you’re both single then why not?

People can’t just switch sexual preferences and orientation for convenience . It does sound like some people think you can.

Nobody is saying that you can. For me, it was just that I didn’t fully understand myself until I was well into adulthood. I was attracted to girls growing up, but my upbringing meant that the idea of being bisexual is not something I even considered until I was an adult. I realise now that I just buried my feelings so deeply, that I was able to pretend that they didn’t exist.