Anyone else find the reality of holidays more tiring than enjoyable?

[ShoopShoopBaDoop]

I have tried and tried to enjoy holidays but the simple truth is I just really don't.

Don't get me wrong, there's lots of places around the world that do appeal to me and I like the concept of travelling and holidaying but the reality for me is I find them all a disappointing experience and very tiring. The beds are never comfy so I don't sleep well, I always have a splitting headache on the day of travelling (which will sometimes last a few days), I find it tiresome packing/unpacking and then the mounds of washing back home, sight seeing bores me after a very short while especially when it's crowded and full of people all wanting to go to the same place and 'relaxing' by sitting on a beach or round a pool makes my teeth itch. Navigating your way around a new area for many is part of the fun of finding your feet but I just find it a major stress-fest and very frustrating (cue more headaches). No matter how much I try I just don't find this the relaxing experience that all my friends do.

I will add that I have adhd and a few chronic health issues which include digestive troubles so travelling to different countries with an unpredictable gut is no fun but I still find the whole experience of holidaying just exhausting and quite overwhelming and it never, ever meets the same expectations in reality as the ones I had in my head.

The older I get the more I simple dream of a little cottage in the country with a lovely garden which I can potter about in all the time. Oh God, I am getting so boring but that really does appeal more than travelling.

Does anyone else find their idea of a great holiday is never the same in reality and that has put you off travelling now? Or did you feel this way and have somehow found a way to enjoy holidays (no suggestions for cruising as I have a massive fear of deep water).

I really love planning for holidays and doing the research. The problem is that I overdo it and then when I am on the holiday I am over it already. It’s silly, I am trying to be a bit more chilled and stop overthinking. My problem is that I have two autistic children who need reassurance on every detail.
I did enjoy holidays a lot more when it was just me and DH. For a lot of mums holidays are just same shit different location!

Haha OP our son has ADHD and I’ve been researching it. When you said “sight seeing bores me after a very short time” I did think “I wonder if she has ADHD?!”

Anyway: I’m with you. Particularly when our son was under 4, holidays were a MASSIVE stress fest, packing for him and remembering everything and getting there and and and.

It is easier now he’s 6. However, doesnt sound as though you have this kid stress?

Ultimately tho: it’s your holiday and your hard earned free time! Just do you: I do kind of get where you’re coming from. TBH travelling and going to crowded hot spots isn’t my scene either - I’ll never visit India for example as I know I just won’t like a lot of it.

no - just need to find the right kind of holiday. there's a world between rushing around unknown cities doing sightseeing and cramming it all in ... and sitting on a beach doing nothing all day.

Why does the travel to the destination give you a headache? Are you drinking enough water etc?

Unpacking doesn't really take that long - it a few minutes of moving stuff into drawers/wardrobes/bathroom.

If you don't like doing the washing when you get home - get it done on holiday with a washing service - we do that sometimes, everything washed and ironed and back into cases.

We generally go on holiday and plan to do one thing a day having a rough idea of what there is to do before hand .- so lets say we went to a city break for a few days , on the first day we might go and find a nice cafe in town the first afternoon - get a feel for the place. Next day, might do a museum/cathedral and again, just find our way round, get a feel, pop into a bakery etc. Day 3 might go to do a river cruise or something, learn a bit of history - might end up somewhere unexpected and at a park or something.
Evening's at leisure, maybe going for a walk, maybe chilling in hotel, maybe found somewhere nice for a relaxed dinner.

But then city breaks aren't for everyone. We also go to Cornwall for example and will spend each day at a different beach - sometimes driving there, sometimes going for a walk along the coast path to the next town etc some beach days are reading books, paddling etc, others are climbing all over sand dunes with the kids.

I don't t understand why you don't just hire a cottage somewhere like the Lakes or Cotswolds and potter around for a couple of weeks

Yes, I agree with you. It’s an unpopular opinion it would seem, but I find all the things you’ve mentioned to be accurate. The sleeping thing in particular has to be top of my list: uncomfortable beds, air con blasting against my skin, kids sharing a sofa bed or double bed (why would I pay for this trauma to be inflicted upon myself?!) and shit pillows.

Add in people nowadays trying to obtain insta-worthy photos; I just despair and long for home away from such twats.

The only worthwhile exception for me is skiing, but most of the associated sleep related stressors still apply.

I have had many holidays like this and my op applies to those too, it's not just overseas holidays.

We actually have a touring caravan and I find that a major faff too, I just think I need to conclude that holidays are just not for me sadly.

I love the idea of places like India but I think that would overwhelm my senses (and delicate digestive system) way too much!

I do often wonder if my ADHD plays a part in my enjoyment (or lack of) of travelling.

I imagine that I must simply get stressed about the changes in everything on a holiday - the change to my environment, my routine etc. I have tried many different holidays both here in the UK and abroad so it's not that we stick to one kind and haven't experienced others (except cruises, I just will not go on water).

I drink loads (in fact I only drink water), the headaches are probably due to the tension of the travelling experience and poor sleep whilst away.

I suppose to most people unpacking is a simplistic chore but when you have adhd it's really not that simple, I actually find it quite stressful. And I don't have the funds to afford washing services.

i think you could find somewhere and something you liked - but if you don't want to then, as long as you aren't stopping other people, i suppose it doens;t matter?

my DH Would defitely prefer to stay at home - so he does a lot of the time, I go on oliday with DD without him maybe 2 times a year - seaside, long weekends etc

It's so hard to find anyone who also feels this way. I really do wish I found travelling and trips away relaxing and enjoyable but the truth is that I don't and when I do go away I just can't wait to get back home again.

If you don't enjoy holidays then don't go on them! We're all different and there's no shame in it.

I would never go on a beach type holiday as for one I hate the heat. Also, I have a nice garden I can lounge in and read a book, I don't need to spend money to do that! I even have one of those small above ground pools to lie in and cool off 😂

As a result though, all my holidays are full on doing things and it is tiring. I'm starting to find airports so draining. And I miss home now in a way I never used to. Like you, I also have tummy troubles and it does add a layer of stress to everything. It's funny how people talk about all the travelling they'll do when they retire, whereas I see that as being the time I'll probably stop! (I'm mid 50s now). I don't think I'll find it fun at all when I'm 10/15 years older than I am now.

I travelled a lot in my 20s (Asia, Australia/NZ, North America and most of western Europe), we now have a young child and I want to use my annual leave to relax and spend time with my child, not waste it on a stressful and expensive holiday abroad.

We have rented a cottage next month in the lake district. I can't bloody wait, pack up the car and go. No faffing about in airport security or immigration.

I think I will get the travel bug again but quite happy to be at home or a small UK holiday.

This exactly! We get a villa and just swim, read, go out for lunch, play on the beach, go for walks. Similar to a lovely weekend at home but with sunshine.

I have often felt the same, I want to be someone who likes seeing the more cultural aspects of the places I visit, but I too am bored very quickly.

Recently I have come to realise I enjoy doing things differently to how I always thought they should be done.

I got involved in a hobby group that arranges a lot of travel for events. We book very cheap flights and accomodation for very short trips, no more than three nights. The trip is centred around "doing" an event, rather than seeing things iyswim, and then we'll see a bit of the place, and enjoy the bars and restaurants. As the cost is low, and we're there for a reason, there's no pressure make the most of it iyswim.

I have a BF who also has a short attention span. He likes to learn and see things when we're away, but he will spend 40 mins in a museum, rather than all day. It's not rocket science, but it's new to me. I always thought once there, you needed to see everything (thanks Mum).

I have discovered a guided trip. I once thought a package trip was a cop out, not real travelling, but now find having someone else doing all the organising is a godsend, and the places you visit really are more interesting, and you learn more in a short time with a good guide.

Finally, activity holidays are better for me. Kayaking to the island, exploring a city by bike, hiking to see the view etc. Relaxing is over rated and exhausting 🤣

I have ADHD too. I absolutely love holidays. My parents couldn't afford them when I was a kid, and when I could finally afford them in adult life I fell in love with travelling. For years I could only afford camping and youth hostels, but it was heaven and I didn't mind roughing it.

Anyone who really doesn't like holidays should stay home. Donate your holiday money to charities that help provide them for families and children in need. The YHA used to have a fund to provide holidays for underprivileged children for example.

When we were kids we usually went self catering in a caravan to N Wales. Such a holiday was never a rest for my mother and I imagine she felt much like OP.

Upto about 10 years ago I did a lot of solo independent travelling to parts of the world which it is now diffcult or impossible to visit. Think Afghanistan, Syria, Iran and Lebanon. I enjoyed the research and preparation because midd estern culture has always fascinated me. I used to pack and plan like a military operation and never once forgot anything important. I hated the actual process of getting there because of the stress of airports, flying and travelling alone. What I wanted was the destination. I used to wish I could teleport.

I have always avoided mass tourist destinations because I dont want to be in a hotel full of families with yards of kids under my feet. Instead I preferred small 4 star type hotels which were never full. After the first night I have always negotiated with management for a better room.

The reverse process of getting back was always an anticlimax and a suitcase of dirty washing. Usually I would dump it in a corner and forget about it for a few days.

I don't like holidays either. I hate the stress of packing - what if I forget something. I hate travelling, it's stressful. I hate doing things/moving around when it's too hot. I hate sand. I hate crowds. I get board seeing sights unless there's an enthusiastic and knowledgeable guide. I want to sleep in my own bed. I worry about the house when I'm away. I worry about what if one of us ill in a minor way - enough to be an inconvenience but not sufficient for insurance to kick in. I hate the idea of spending so much money on such a short amount of time. And then circumstances outside our control could derail the enjoyment of it. It feels too high stakes.

I enjoyed new, interesting well cooked food. I enjoy relaxing in the sun. I enjoy a stroll around a market. I enjoy spending time with the people I love in the evenings with a drink and no screens, chatting or playing a game, or watching a singer/comedian.

We've decided not to go anywhere. And to spend a couple of weeks eating out in local restaurants we haven't tried, pray for good weather to sit out in the garden and go on some day trips / book some shows

I moved to a little cottage. Not quite with land - I have neighbours and a pub and a shop - but yes - I potter about and go walking when it's nice out. Go for a pub lunch on Sundays and go and sit with the lambs in the low pasture and read my book. Have tea on the narrowboat cafe and go to a concert of an evening in the town. My friends come here for their holidays now.

I still have to travel, quite a lot, for work. I don't mind it if it's trains but I hate flying and it really tires me out. I get respiratory infections. But it's ok because really I feel like most of my life is a holiday and then occasionally I have to travel to work.

I have started to dread going on holiday from about March - I also have ADHD and the packing and organising takes me forever and is exhausting, even for simple self catering holidays. There are nice moments but overwhelmingly I find the experience stressful rather than fun.

One tip I found useful if you're checking a 20kg bag in for hols. Put all T shirts, shirts, tops, trousers, dresses (fold them up to half) etc. etc. on hangers in your wardrobe. Everything apart from undies/swimwear that you are taking in one row/place.

Leave them on the hangers. Place a bin bag from bottom to top over a group of items. Tie at top and place bag in suitcase, fold in half if needed. Bonus points if bin bags have a tie handle. Unload on arrival and they are ready to hang up. I did this last year and it worked great.

Going home I didn't care, I just threw everything in the case any old way. I collect cheap wire/other hangers and leave most of them behind me!

Every year I delude myself that I am going to love holidays, but I often find the stress outweighs the good parts.

Pre-kids I loved them!

Last summer my holiday consisted of flying from small regional airport to Greek island. Coach transfer to self catering flat.
I arrived, crawled onto a sun lounger with a bottle of water and a book and relaxed. Bliss, but I already live in a cottage with a water meadow. Perhaps I am primed to put my feet up.

The rest of the week was snoozing, swimming, reading, eating out, and a bit of sightseeing. No stress, no phone, no rushing, no dealing with difficult people.
Lovely clean flat with good beds.

OP, maybe choose a better apartment. And try to do less. Slow down.

In the last 4 years we have done an international move twice and I thought that was why i have zero enthusiasm for holidays right now. However I resonated with a lot of your post, especially the headaches and bad sleep in uncomfortable beds.

Am currently on holiday in a popular European city and we are all having a fantastic time. We get up early, visit somewhere, buy a takeaway lunch which we eat back at the hotel. Then spend a few hours resting and chilling in our room.

Late afternoon we go out for a one hour stroll and buy ice cream. Back to hotel for a rest. Then out to a nearby restaurant early (the first night wasn't great but the 2nd one was so we went back last night and will go again today).

I needed my migraine tablets the first day, which is business as usual. I also packed melatonin, eye mask and ear plugs which have really helped my sleep!

My mum always ran us into the ground on holiday but it isn't what I want to do.

Our current holiday rhythm is really suiting our family of 4, including a teen and tween both with ADHD, and 2 family members with digestion problems!

It does help that we live in a very sunny place by the coast so we don't feel the need to be out in every minute of sunshine whilst on holiday.

I like that idea, a kind of staycation.

Hoping you get the good weather.

You are living my dream life (well, the first part).