Boyfriend photographed my underwear without asking, was I right to object?

[ZippyMintJoker]

Hey, I just need a bit of perspective on something because it’s been bothering me.
My boyfriend was taking pictures of my dirty knickers without ever talking to me about it beforehand. When I found them, I deleted them from his phone, and he got really defensive. He said it’s a kink of his, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard about it. Now he’s saying I’m in the wrong and that I’ve upset him.
I feel uncomfortable because this wasn’t discussed or consented to, and I’m confused about whether I handled it badly or if my reaction was reasonable. Is it okay for him to be doing that without telling me first? We have been together a year and usually very open with each other,

Grim. That would give me the ick.

And definitely not okay to do without your knowledge

How fucking dare he!
Classic DARVO. He’s invaded your privacy and used you as a source of wank fodder, yet he’s blaming you.

Please don’t stay with him. He’s so disrespectful.

No it's not ok. There is a possibility he was misguided/stoopid. You need to find out what he is doing with the pictures

I'd dump him over that. It's creepy behaviour.

No. Not OK. Dump.

Ewwww, what a creep. And now he’s blaming you! You have no idea what he’d be doing with those pictures, I bet they wouldn’t have just stayed on his phone. I’d get rid of him, how could you ever trust him again?

He's transgressed hugely, and that was also likely the point - doing it secretly was the point. He's very likely angry that you've spoiled his fetish, and you were obviously completely right to do so. Using you sexually without your consent is obviously wrong. The fact that he doesn't seem to accept this makes him a risk to you. Sorry. x

Of course you are right. Dump him.

Definitely end the relationship.

I would be scared he would put the photos online on some kind of pervy website. Don't think I could trust him not to do this again. Very weird and disrespectful behaviour from him.

Dump him!

Where are people finding these creeps..

That’s awful. Massive breach of trust. How can you be vulnerable and feel safe with him now. Such bad behaviour. Sorry you have experienced that. Take a pic of his skiddy pants and message it to him so he can understand how it feels. Jeez. Outrageous.x

Get rid. You deserve better.

Get rid. You deserve better.

Why 'boyfriend' and not 'ex-boyfriend'?

Gross that he did it without asking, and gross that he's saying you've upset him. If it's all so ok, why the secrecy?

Of course you aren’t wrong. He’s done this without your knowledge. It’s gross. If he has “a kink” then he should have discussed it openly and given you a chance to consider whether you wanted to be involved.

Don’t let him turn this on you.

How many red flags does one person need?

If he's admitted that he has a kink for your underwear and will go behind your back to get it, then I wouldn't be surprised if he's taking and wearing your clothes as well.

Nothing should be done without your consent. I generally try not to judge anything that goes on between consenting adults regardless of how I personally feel about it but without your consent this is completely unacceptable.

Just a few practical things op. Have you permanently deleted. They go into a folder for 30 days and can be retrieved from there.

Csn you find out if he’s sold them online? Pictures or your actual knickers.

What a creep. I hope you dump him.

I bet these photos are sold online, as others have said. You’d know he had a thing about used underwear if he did. Most likely case is he just want the photos to either sell them or share them in exchange for something else.

Yuk … no not ok even if it’s a kink … he should either ask first or discuss it with you first not do it behind your back…

I would be guessing he is sharing it online with others who share the same kink…. This would give me the ick to be honest and destroy my trust

He'd be gone. I'd be worried about how long he's been doing this for.

What's next, taking pictures of tampons or blood stains?

I'd feel really uncomfortable and unable to trust him.

I would feel so used and violated, and that's a total dealbreaker for me. Turning it on you and making himself the victim is even more repulsive. I hope you equally feel you deserve better than this, and have the strength to dump him PDQ.

Seems like more of a paraphilia than a kink since he is transgressing our boundaries and making you an unwitting part of it

disgusting man