Boyfriend photographed my underwear without asking, was I right to object?

[ZippyMintJoker]

Hey, I just need a bit of perspective on something because it’s been bothering me.
My boyfriend was taking pictures of my dirty knickers without ever talking to me about it beforehand. When I found them, I deleted them from his phone, and he got really defensive. He said it’s a kink of his, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard about it. Now he’s saying I’m in the wrong and that I’ve upset him.
I feel uncomfortable because this wasn’t discussed or consented to, and I’m confused about whether I handled it badly or if my reaction was reasonable. Is it okay for him to be doing that without telling me first? We have been together a year and usually very open with each other,

Yes the fact he didn’t apologise and blamed you - run for your life

PLEASE DUMP THE FREAK!

He is literally a wanker and blaming YOU for his perversions!

Kick him out of your life in every way you can, fast.

WTAF?! YOU are in the wrong because you caught him taking photos of your dirty knicks without even slightly checking it was OK with you first?!

a) neither you nor your knicks are wank socks. You are an actual person who needs to give consent to anything like this

b) neither you nor your knicks are a source of income for your (please tell me it is so) ex-BF nor of gratification for his fellow perves

As a society we really could do with bringing back a bit of shame ...

Can't add much more to what most PPs have already said: no, it is not alright for him to have done this.

I would feel so uncomfortable, violated and weirded out by him, if it were me. Suffice to say, the majority of posters say the same, so no, you are not unreasonable in your reaction, and good luck to you if you make the choice to stay with him.

Really think about his response. He says it is a kink of his and has decided he then has the right to do it without your consent or knowledge, simply because it is something that he wants. What else will he do without your consent or knowledge just because he wants to? And to then be angry with you and behave as though you have wronged him… that’s so scary. He is showing you that he is an abuser.

The link isn’t the issue. People all have their things. But then you talk to your partner, find out if you’re compatible and get consent. He didn’t do that, but thinks he was in the right and that you’re somehow wrong. That’s abusive. Run.

It’s a violation and the DARVO is the nail in the coffin. If dump him for this

Oh yep, and I bet he just keeps those photos for himself, he's not busy uploading them for other men or building a collection.

So, that's gross. The kink is gross. The behaviour is gross. The lack of permission and consent is gross. He sounds gross.

Not on at all, very weird. What if you broke up, what would he have done with the pics then? What was his real intention? As for him trying to turn the tables in you as if you are in the wrong, that’s another red flag. I’d finish it immediately if it were me. Glad you found and deleted the pictures and hope you got all of them.

You've upset HIM?!

You'd be insane to continue this relationship - he's blaming you for something nasty that he's done.

Surely you mean your ex?

Has he pinched any of them that you haven't realised? Definitely creepy behaviour.

That’s really disgusting and I’m sorry he’s like that OP. His blaming you is a load of shite, his
problem is he got caught doing something without your consent and he can’t find any way out of that. You need to run away from this unless you’re ok with him doing this.

As an aside what exactly can he do with photos of knickers? Have you found you’ve been losing them or needing to replace them more often? I’m admittedly naive but I don’t understand how a photo of worn knickers is any different to newly washed ones or how a photo of someone’s under crackers can fulfil a “kink”

Gross - if its a "fetish" I'd be concerned about him doing this to any underwear he can access. I'd be worried about him photographing underwear etc belonging to family, friends and god forbid any childrens pants he can access.

I'd so dump him. It's very grim.

This sounds a bit strange to me, much stranger than if you had found him using your dirty underwear to, in some way, pleasure himself - which is strange enough to me but each to their own. Pictures I can't see what's in that for him.
Too weird for me, I'm in the dump him camp.

My mind boggles at the depravity of some men.

Time to say ta ta freaky Mannie 🙋🙋

Urggghhhh! That’s so grim. I would absolutely not put up with that.

Fucking creep. Massive red flags around privacy, consent and respect. Not to mention turning it back on you. I would dump and run for the hills.

It's worth considering that paraphilia's often are not limited to just one, and so there may be other surprises waiting in the future and his appetites may evolve into new area's - I speak from bitter experience on this one.

He says you’ve upset HIM?
What a sick fucker, and he’s violated your boundaries and trust. He can fuck right off! Run for the hills OP!!!

Thank you everyone for your advice, yes I dumped him as he played it off to having a new fetish all of a sudden. But then played with himself all night and when I asked him for 2 stop, I got ignored so yes was dumped that same morning over all, so thank you all I know I aint mental anyway

Well done. He sounds vile.

Good work OP, what a wanker - quite literally!

Horrible creepy git! You are well rid.