Writing a professional CV for the role of being a parent

[DuckDuckFuck]

Title says it all

I will start -
"A Professional Caterer to clients with extremely high standards. Preparing multiple meals per day, taking into account the clients rapidly changing tastes, likes and dislikes"

Has experience in working 24 hours shifts with no rest and always smiling 😁

Chauffeur/ driver/ taxi service- music must be agreeable to the entire car and conversation must be interesting enough to keep headphones off occupants. Timekeeping skills essential and driver must be ready to go at short notice

Experienced in the art of unlocking toilet's/video recorder/removing objects from unexpected places 🤣🤣

Long term project to manage.
No sick pay. No holidays. No pension..
No annual appraisal.
Experience of therapy, teaching, cooking, psychology, cleaning, administration, health, first aid, laundry, GCSE level everything required.
Must be empathetic, patient, be able to set and control boundaries, work alone, for 24 hours a day.
Permanently on call.
At end of project success will be measured by your ability to no longer be needed.

Oh I can see how this thread is going to go, the same as all the previous threads

Skilled in negotiation, mediation and conflict resolution.

Can communicate effectively at all levels, and be able to deal with unwanted critical comments from random strangers.

Able to proritise tasks and meet deadlines in a fast-moving and high pressure environment.

Good at role-play.

The skill will be condensing it to make it readable 😄

Have extensive knowledge of Baby v.1 child v.1 , and Teenager v.1.
Am fluent in Thomas The Tank Engine.
Senior bedtime conflict management operative.

Multi disciplinary domestic executive.