Calling someone toxic say more about the person using it than the person they're describing.

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

I have big feelings about this.

If you're using the word 'Toxic' to describe other people, you are probably the toxic one. The incorrect use of psychoanalytical terms just make your arguments meaningless or inaccurate and frankly make you sound stupid.

It's so over used and is just an excuse to denigrate someone.

Also:
Entitled
Woke
Narcissistic /narc
Delusional
Main character syndrome

(edited to say I've noticed the grammatical error in the title but can't change it!)

So don’t call people out for shit behaviour? Or are there terms that are acceptable for you?

Has someone called you out for ‘toxic’ behaviour recently?

No. My ex husband was a serious bully at home and at work, his behaviour made people ill and in fact one person’s nervous system collapsed to the point they died— as a direct result. Therefore we called him toxic, not as a metaphor.

If someone is constantly calling everyone around them toxic, yes.
But I dont do that and I reserve the right to call a certain family member who has fallen out with everyone toxic!

What other word would you prefer me to use?

What nonsense .
We all have a sense of people are they generally kind or nasty so we can make our own decisions about who is toxic or not and the person saying it.

Agree. Though I'm not sure that 'toxic' is really a psychoanalytic term specifically. And I'm not sure that 'delusional' belongs in that list, because it doesn't attack the core of who someone is, in the way that eg narcissist or toxic does.

But, yes, when I see those terms flung about on MN I generally think that the person using them is not someone I would like to know IRL

So if someone refers to an abusive husband as toxic then they are wrong and you wouldn’t want to know them?

Can you give us some context of why you have started this thread, OP? Has someone used these terms about you, or a loved one, and you disagree?

My ex-husband was and remains a toxic narcissist. Having wasted most of my adult life with him, and after years of abuse, surely I am more qualified to describe him as such, than you are to state that I am using those terms inappropriately.

Editing as I couldn't re-read the OP until I had posted. Realised you didn't say that I was using the term incorrectly, but that it says more about me than it does about my ex-husband. I strongly disagree.

ODFOD

Probably! But not that I know about.

It's more the casual throwing around of the words that riles me up. Saying things like 'My ex was a classic narc' when any psychologist would refute that.

It's not the describing someone as a selfish arse that winds me up. Yes, they probably are. But as soon as someone goes into those buzz words, it makes them sound like the problem. In my (not so) humble opinion.

Not knowing your family member, I can't really say. But for example, my difficult family member I would describe them as a bit unstable, over emotional and hard to be around when in that frame of mind. But that is specific to one person, probably not to your person.

I think what you mean is when people use it repeatedly to describe everybody, no?

It loses its meaning then, definitely. There are a lot of people who use it to describe anyone that they don’t like. It’s one of many words that people jump on without really understanding how to use it (such as iconic).

You’ll get eviscerated on this thread by many such people though!

But was if someone’s ex was a narc? Do you think they don’t exist? Or it’s just overused?

@StopUsingChatGPT @ToKittyornottoKitty

Yes, overused. Unless someone has an actual diagnosis of course, which is different.

I know I'll be castigated. But probably only by those guilty of doing it!

I do kind of agree, my ex husband being classed as a narcissistic psychopath by psychologists people do not know how severe it is when they use it to mean ‘selfish and cruel tendencies’.

'Toxic' is a handy, one-word way to describe a person or relationship that is unhealthy, causes harm, and is best disengaged from. There are other words that can be used, yes - but that one sums it all up in a succinct, easily understandable way.

Besides, toxic, entitled, narcissistic, and delusional aren't purely psychoanalytical terms - they're just words to describe a type of behaviour. Sometimes they're apt terms, and sometimes they're not.

Main Character Syndrome definitely isn't a psychoanalytical term. It's just internet slang, like 'crashing out', 'locking in', or 'enshittification'.

Woke, however, started as specific jargon before being co-opted and evolving, so you do have a point there.

Personally, I think using the phrase 'big feelings' instead of 'strong feelings' sounds rather childish, but if I understand the person's intent then I'm not going to nit-pick.

In some ways toxic is quite old fashioned, like a word our ancestors would have used to mean ‘don’t eat that one’, but for people. For me, it’s if they harm or make you ill.

I am disabled and my sister has bullied me for it since we were children. She’s almost 50. I call that toxic yes, who are you to police how other people choose to claim their experiences?

Not necessarily, you aren’t universally right about whether or not others are narcs. I don’t doubt it’s overused (especially on mumsnet) but that doesn’t mean everyone who uses those terms is wrong.

Your interpretation of using these words is very strange. How else do you describe certain behaviour?

The words you have listed have gone into modern usage exactly for the reason that they describe certain behaviour perfectly. Is it more that you are against modern terminology than anything else? Why would you judge someone so harshly for using them?

You say tomato, I say termada

Perfect description of the impact of my relatives behavior!

I think there's also a difference between calling someone a narcissist (a diagnosis) and saying they're narcissistic (a behaviour).

But on mumsnet I don’t think it really matters if people aren’t getting the exact terminology right all the time, it’s just an anonymous discussion forum, it really doesn’t matter. OP isn’t really bothered about that anyway as ‘entitled’ isn’t a diagnosis for example.

My mum is toxic. I could give dozens of examples of abusive (physical, mental and emotional) behaviours.

I’ll settle for a mild one. She ripped a tshirt off me (literally into pieces) because she didn’t like it and it pissed her off I was still wearing it around the house. I was 37!!

If you think I’m toxic instead, you do you boo. No great loss.

Oh, definitely - I agree on that. Intent is what's important. And yes, none of the words OP mentioned are diagnoses!