Calling someone toxic say more about the person using it than the person they're describing.

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

I have big feelings about this.

If you're using the word 'Toxic' to describe other people, you are probably the toxic one. The incorrect use of psychoanalytical terms just make your arguments meaningless or inaccurate and frankly make you sound stupid.

It's so over used and is just an excuse to denigrate someone.

Also:
Entitled
Woke
Narcissistic /narc
Delusional
Main character syndrome

(edited to say I've noticed the grammatical error in the title but can't change it!)

Can the person explain the toxicity? If they can, and that's the word they choose to use: they are free to use it.

Just as with any other word. I guess.

Could it be an overused word? Maybe, but before passing judgement, understanding of a person and their personality is needed.

And so if this is a general question- yes it can be overused but I'd be cautious to pass that judgement.

If someone is using those words to describe their situation then they probably feel the need to be heard. Not judged.

No, LOL. I'm not interested enough in others to want to try to control them. Aloof, disinterested, arrogant would be the words used to describe me as insults.

I take your point about people being referred to as narcissists, without the diagnosis, as it is absurd. It also occurs with ASD, ADHD and OCD. These are all conditions / disorders which have to be diagnosed by a medical professional and it diminishes the struggles of those who genuinely are ASD, have OCD etc. Lay people are dishing out these labels like they are sweets.

It seems like we are all never more than 6ft away from a ‘Narc’. It’s not even referred to by its full name now. Where have all the plain old boring selfish people gone??

A person does however, have the right, to ascribe a term to a person who has abused, bullied or harmed them. To say, ‘ It says more about them’ , is a form of victim blaming imo. Many people have suffered at the hands of others and they shouldn’t have to remain silent and ‘be kind’.

You’re a cat. 😬

No. Everyone uses words in slightly different ways. I've only referred to two people as toxic in my 60 years. In each case it was an accurate description.

Why are you setting yourself up as the word police?

Words fall in and out of favour. I still use the word ninny. It's not a word I hear others use but it perfectly describes one or two individuals I know and I am perfectly understood on the few occasions I use it.

This is going to sound very cliche but my MIL is a toxic narcissist. End of. I don’t use those words for just anyone, but that is what she is.

Exactly, it does sound cliché!
That’s the whole point.
I interpret this to mean you don’t like or get on with her rather than that she has a true personality disorder.
That’s what happens when people use hyperbole in language. What once had a pretty precise meaning now does not .

Although she has not been formally diagnosed with NPD , she has been diagnosed with other various, personality and mental disorders.

Now that's a compliment! Thank you

My therapist labelled my mother as a narc. Surely I'm now entitled to think she is?

I would agree that things like like narc are overused. But toxic seems a very good description for fairly commonplace behavioural traits.

I know someone I would describe as toxic. She'd probably describe herself as multi-talented and assertive. She's a bully who dresses that up with a superficially fun personality, but when she doesn't get her own way she is awful. My guess is that she's actually very insecure.

So why not refer to what she’s been diagnosed with? Why add yet another, undiagnosed personality disorder to the list?

Personality disorders are serious and often lifelong conditions. Why not have a bit of sympathy for her?

Very few people with NPD are officially diagnosed, as they don't see themselves as the ones with the problem. They tend to be diagnosed by professionals who are treating their confused and distressed victims.

My ex has been called toxic by myself and his first ex wife ive no doubt he has many admirers but to us and many ex girlfriend's he is toxic he is slow poison

He calls everyone out for being narcissistic toxic poison etc etc in his case it definitely describes himself more than others

Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnostic term. But I don't see the problem with saying a person has narcissistic traits - that can be true of everyone to a greater or lesser degree.

Likewise, if someone's behaviour is toxic, what's wrong with describing it as such? Are you saying that if we overuse the descriptors of 'narcissist' or 'psychopath' that somehow dilutes the gravity of real diagnoses? Because I don't see how that can be the case.

The reason people have latched onto these 'buzzwords' is because they helpfully describe behaviour that until recently we didn't have vocab for. For example, abusive relationships would have been described as 'tumultuous' or 'volatile'. Coercive controlling partners would have been described as 'jealous' or 'possessive'. I think it's good that we now have a better understanding of how to call these behaviours out.

Would you prefer we all just stuck to euphemisms?

i agree in the sense that what “we” have done is to create a new list of labels and phrases “we” can easily use to lay all the blame on someone else.

A collection of words to perpetuate a n a lazy way the idea that “they” are bad, morally deficient and blameworthy while “I” am good, morally acceptable and righteous.

at the very least, it represents the decline in our use of language generally.

Someone in my close family has a partner whom I am convinced has NPD. They display all the traits and behaviours that would fit the diagnostic criteria. I believe they are actually dangerous, but they don't have a diagnosis because they believe they are absolutely fine. Their behaviour gets them exactly what they want and what they need - why would they want help?

Most people with NPD or psychopathy only get diagnosed in a forensic setting because their behaviour has brought them to the attention of the criminal justice system. There are many, many, many people in daily life who have these personality disorders - we have all probably come into contact with at least one in our lifetimes - who will never be formally diagnosed. These people are malignant personality types, they can cause real and lasting harm, and they thrive off doing it, which is why they would never seek a diagnosis and will never change the behaviour.

I will continue to say my relative's partner is a narcissist, because I believe that is what they are.

Maybe you are lucky to never have come up against true toxicity?

But a toxic dose of medicine varies from person to person: size, age, medical condition will all affect how harmful it is. So what is helpful to one may be toxic to another. Your relative may seem no more than odd or annoying to you but their behavior could be quite devastating to a child in their control.

It is language which fits a victim/ perpetrator mentality rather than describing the dynamic of a relationship.
I understand when someone who has been hurt uses it, they are rightly focusing on their feelings about the situation. I accept that is the purpose of the conversation for them.

A similar type of buzzword of the moment is “bullying”. It has somewhat lost its meaning, because it is predominantly used , not by those who have observed the behaviour from the outside of the relationship, but by the person who feels harmed and hurt, or their parent.

I 100% don’t think it’s a deliberate, but in my mind it’s used as a signal. It means that I don’t want to analyse the situation I just want to off load. I want to say a certain child is bullying mine, and have someone listen and understand me.
If I were to describe the situation more in detail, I might have more chance of comprehending it, and resolving it in the best way, but primarily I want understanding for my distress from the person I’m talking to.
That’s why buzzwords are used at the forefront of a conversation, rather than firstly discussing what is going on, and then subsequently using the description.

We want to be able to use the buzzword word, whether or not it fits the situation. In the end we end up expanding the meaning of the buzzword beyond what it originally meant.