Mumsnet threads and sharp/mean responses

[Bourbondunker]

Unsure how this will be recieved but after lurking for so long im genuinely curious so i have a slightly provocative question.

Why are so many people on here so angry?

I keep seeing the term “vipers” used, and honestly… I can kind of see why, even when its ironic theres some sharpness to it. So many threads seem to leap straight to the harshest possible interpretation or response, even over pretty small things.

Is that actually reflective of how people feel, or is it just the pile-on effect and anonymity making everything more extreme?

And just to say before it inevitably comes up, this isn’t about expecting women to be passive, smiley, or “nice” all the time. I’m not talking about people being direct or standing their ground. It’s more that the default can feel actively rude or hostile, which feels like a different thing entirely.

Is it stress, habit, or just the culture now? are the majority of users people experiencing difficult circumstances (this is definitely a rant/support site)

Not trying to start a pile-on (ironically), just genuinely curious why the tone can feel so sharp so often. After spending time on the site i do tend to feel i, myself am sharper in my responses in real life so am lowering my online useage to counteract its effect on me.

I agree its awful.

It definitely feels disengenuous when people throw luke warm feminism out for their reason for being mean.

I mean, that is what I would call passive aggression. Right there. The PA that you say you don't like.

Most mumsnetters have realised they can finally behave like the popular mean girl at school when it’s done anonymously online.

They could have done anything with their time but most just aspire to be a high schooler with a pink top and a flip phone.

They are simple folks round these parts.

There's some more of that passive aggression that you don't like, OP!

Some are people who simply want to wind up others. They enjoy it.
Some posters post in such a way as to solicit a particular response. And it does.
Some I assume are about 11 and playing.
Some assume things about a poster. That they are automatically a Farage or Reform voter etc. When they aren’t . But get all fired up by their own assumptions.

Forgot one.
Some hate men. And it shows.

My choice in the poll option may not have been entirely truthful 😂.

I do think the internet tends towards sharper responses - I've seen it since the early 2000s, the Guardian talkboards used to be brutal. Having said that these types of forums can also be incredibly supportive.

I quite like the fact that people can say what they want to directly, provided it doesn't get too personal towards the OP.

I think the relationship advice can be terrible about smaller issues. However, when someone is clearly in a horrible situation people tend to be pretty sensible and kind.

Same!

I mean lets be honest, you were annoyed the minute you opened my thread, hence your multiple responses. As far as catching me out it couldve been worse so ill cop it aha and note it for future thanks @Forresty

I think some of it comes from people assuming situations are simpler than they actually are. If something doesn’t match their own experience (or anyone they know), it can get dismissed as unlikely or even untrue.

I’ve had replies before where I didn’t take certain advice because it wouldn’t have been safe for me, and that didn’t always go down well. It can feel like once you explain why something isn’t that straightforward, the tone shifts and becomes more critical rather than understanding.

There can also be a bit of a tendency to fill in gaps or make assumptions about what the OP has said or meant, which can then escalate things further. And if a situation doesn’t fit expectations, people can jump to calling it a troll rather than considering that circumstances can vary a lot.

I don’t think it’s everyone, but I do think the mix of anonymity and different life experiences can make people more certain in their responses than the situation actually allows for.

People often skim through a post and map it onto their own past experiences, treating it as similar to something they’ve been through before. Their responses are then shaped by that emotional association - often a negative one - because without that emotional charge, they’re unlikely to feel compelled to respond at all. It often feels like most posters here are responding to their own husbands, mothers, sisters, children etc rather than to the OPs

It's the constant SPAG nitpicking that pisses me off. Fuck off with that.

I have noticed a malevalence in the replies of some posts created by those who may be vulnerble and are just looking for help, or the opinions of others who understand their situation(s).

I think they are mean and cruel the consequences could drive desperate people to an even deeper depression and who knows what else.

Freedome of speech has consequences for those who are harsh. It comes right back to them eventually.

I think it's lack of empathy and the need to feel superior. Putting someone else down is anonymous, quick and efficient on the internet. Sadly.

I thought about starting a thread today. Then i imagined the nasty responses i could get. So, I went to google and chatgpt instead. How many other people do you think are doing that? Then the whole site suffers.

Because they don't want to get piled on. And have their history pulled apart and followed around MN.

I think it’s the anonymity and also what the others do - the culture of the place if you like. I often comment quoting them and try to soften/ challenge/ defend the attacked. If more of us do that there will be less of the harsh presumptions, I hope.

And to add, it’s still a nice place. All posters come together to support people in need, and there’s many extremely knowledgeable opinions/ fact sharing on various of subjects.
Women are so smart (sharp).

I've been on MN for 20yrs, the rude and blunt responses have always been here. Different subs have a different feel IMO. Stay out of AIBU if you are thin skinned, stick to Chat.

I agee with this. Been there. But then people struggling get told to step away from the Internet. Rather than them people look at themselves.

Exactly what I mean.

They don't want people saying 'Actually you have been nasty on other threads'.

I ageee with you but I also don't understand the point. Mostly theses people I punching down. Why do people need to feel superior over someone struggling and on top of that people will join in..

I also mainly go to chatgpt now. Of course it's not real but can still say it out loud explore without being attacked. I post small things on here but nothing to personal or things I'm struggling with mentally or emotionally.

I was here over 20 years ago and it was just as bad. Back then it was more articulate and class-based bullying. Sloaney London-centric women who vibed off boarding school in jokes and put you down if your posts didn’t fit their worldview.

I think sometimes it depends on the context of the op. Like when it's the 60 millionth benefits bashing thread packaged up nicely as something else etc then I (as someone who would be significantly impacted by loss of my benefits) get frustrated and want to call that out. I'm sure others feel the same about different topics/ issues and some posters do not operate in good faith.

I would also say sometimes people want to 'win' more than discuss and listen so they feel good with a catty one liner that gets a few likes.

It doesn't mean they have been nasty though it could be they have experienced nastiness themselves wanted to ask about it. If they done that under their regular name that can cause a pile on. Comments like you just didn't like the replies on your last thread. Some posters get followed across the boards.

I've noticed a common theme with some threads in certain sections, which is usually an initial bad response or two which others then pile onto, followed by the supporters of OP, which is where the confrontation starts. 15 pages later and its a lost Chinese whisper of what the thread was originally about