Mumsnet threads and sharp/mean responses

[Bourbondunker]

Unsure how this will be recieved but after lurking for so long im genuinely curious so i have a slightly provocative question.

Why are so many people on here so angry?

I keep seeing the term “vipers” used, and honestly… I can kind of see why, even when its ironic theres some sharpness to it. So many threads seem to leap straight to the harshest possible interpretation or response, even over pretty small things.

Is that actually reflective of how people feel, or is it just the pile-on effect and anonymity making everything more extreme?

And just to say before it inevitably comes up, this isn’t about expecting women to be passive, smiley, or “nice” all the time. I’m not talking about people being direct or standing their ground. It’s more that the default can feel actively rude or hostile, which feels like a different thing entirely.

Is it stress, habit, or just the culture now? are the majority of users people experiencing difficult circumstances (this is definitely a rant/support site)

Not trying to start a pile-on (ironically), just genuinely curious why the tone can feel so sharp so often. After spending time on the site i do tend to feel i, myself am sharper in my responses in real life so am lowering my online useage to counteract its effect on me.

Some of us are sharp. Should we just #bekind? Are we not laydeelike enough?

Well, quite. So if you want advice on parenting or your relationship or finances (or your dog, for that matter) then the boards designated for that purpose are unlikely to be helpful.

Incidentally, while I wouldn’t call this aggressive and unhelpful it’s somewhat curt and needlessly brusque.

There are a lot of posts on this forum which deserve sharp responses. They are either objectively wrong about something, peddling hate and division, very wet or totally unwilling to engage with the fact they might be wrong about something, etc etc. If someone is asking if they are in the wrong but then refuses to accept they are, then they deserve a verbal shake. There’s no harm in someone hearing they are being silly or unreasonable if it’s true, and they don’t seem to be getting it. Robust responses are fine in those circumstances. If you don’t really want an opinion, why post in the first place?

For me, MN is built to attract and reinforce this type of discussion. The forum set up, subject matter, the culture and norms, the moderation.

it’s not the users being vipers its(intentionally or not) what mumsnet has created.

Some posters are like assassins and are a bit too sharp with their stiletto.

In any case, politeness, good manners, courtesy and consideration for other people's feelings is something I appreciate from everyone, not just the 'laydeelike'.

It’s not really an excuse but I suspect some posters don’t realise how they come across.

If I ever catch myself feeling like an OP is winding me up I close the thread. There is enough things in life to wind you up I don’t want to be wound up pointlessly.

I also suspect half or more of the wind up threads are trolls. So I don’t want to waste my time huffing and puffing over made up nonsense. The trolls must love the ‘I call a spade a spade’ crowd.

It’s a good demonstration of how humour is lost on the internet. Shall I go all Stewart Lee and explain how my post subverts the subject of the thread by illustrating its subject exactly? I shall stick to writing gags for Radio 4 and leave the humour out of this forum in future.

I hate reading comments that are aimed at an OP who is clearly not well educated and seeing their grammar corrected and making suggestions that are unrealistic ie get a job that’s better paid ,go to Uni and get a first in astrophysics!!

Something I always notice about these threads though, are the amount of MNetters who pick a brand new name to post on them, and say they're never nasty to anyone.

If this is true, why do they need to name change to say so?

Unless of course they don't want people to point out they're not being entirely truthful?

It definitely feels disengenuous when people throw luke warm feminism out for their reason for being mean. No i dont expect women to be timid and quiet but i would hope anyone engaging online would not be PA or outright nasty. But hey thems the breaks with the interwebs

I blame wine- gets noticeably bitchier after 8pm. Anything seems to go really. Some threads have been totally supportive buts others seem to go sideways quite quickly.

I have a reminder on my tablet to name change regularly. I often post info which put together, could be outing of my job (I often try to help people out with professional advice, believe it or not). So I make sure I’m not under any one user name for long. I haven’t ever had a post deleted, or reported, on this forum, in decades of on-off use, so I think I must be within the spirit of the site.

No, not at all. I will agree I didn’t recognise the wit or the humour and apologise for that but I’m not prone to misinterpretation for the sake of it, so I’m explaining as genuinely as I can how I read it.

I think many users are bored.

I can’t stand the derailing to lay into the OP about something irrelevant to the actual post.

Tbf i just didnt want you all to find the name i use to post on the MAFS threads! ....you're right though whilst i havent been nasty about the contestants (can we call them that) i have loudlt exclaimed my dislike for TrumpedupTyson

I think you misunderstood.

I'm talking about those who name change for THIS sort of thread.

They claim they're never nasty. If it's true, why do they need to name change?

@Bourbondunker I’ve had some particularly venomous responses in the past. And I just think..you wouldn’t dare speak to me like that if we met in real life! And you certainly wouldn’t dare speak to my male partner like that either.
I feel that is very cowardly to type something out to someone that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face. People feel very brave, clever, and superior when hiding behind their keyboard/anonymity I guess..

It’s rare I’m on at this time but Friday or Saturday evenings really brings them out.

If it makes you feel better i can go post on lots of other threads over the next week and you can defer your final opinion until then? Although im about to comment on the louie theroux manosphere doc which might get quite heated

Why would it make me feel better?

I have no idea whether you've name changed? 😳

Just searched Reddit for similar threads, and there are many. So I guess it’s not just a MN issue and more an anonymous forum issue.

If someone is peddling hate and division then that’s fair enough but if someone is just being wet or wrong or whatever then there is no need to be ‘sharp’. If you actually wanted them to change their opinion or their ways you would be far more likely to get your point across if you weren’t sharp. I disagree with posters a lot and I’m happy to point out when I’d do something differently but I do it constructively.
It baffles me when I see the number of threads by people who put up with nonsense because they don’t stand up for themselves but they are the ones suffering. I don’t get why you think they ‘deserve’ your sharpness. Are you trying to upset them? It’s like kicking a dog when they are down. You surely can’t think that they will receive a harsh sharp reply better than a reasonable one.

Its AIBU.. half of the time it's a circus. I agree with your comments though.

I don’t mind a sharp response when someone is being very ‘wet’ or as PP said the OP is being hugely unreasonable and isn’t listening to lots of (usually) good advice. The other day though there was a thread started by an OP who disclosed she had a learning disability and had struggled to understand a situation. There was some really pointy and fairly nasty replies, which felt pretty cruel tbh. There were lots of kind and helpful responses too but it wasn’t great.

I agree. Just being polite, open minded and avoiding a condescending tone does not mean we are simpering little women. One mumsnet thing that bugs me is when someone comes on with a dilemma, and maybe appears a little naive/ hasn’t sufficiently thought through her issues , there’s a big pile on and they are accused of being disingenuous/ a fake/ uninformed etc. Then someone will point out the unnecessarily aggressive tone, and lo and behold there’s a change of tone and others dare to post supportive messages.