What’s something you dislike in other people that you secretly know is because it’s something you dislike about yourself?

[Seymorbutts]

Someone said to me recently, “the traits you hate in other people are usually the things that reflect your own insecurities”. I thought this was really accurate and realised a lot of the things I dislike in other people are things I subconsciously dislike about myself or my own upbringing. For example I don’t have a lot of time for shy people (adults) I think cos I’m insecure about being a bit shy myself, I sometimes think people with strong regional accents must be uneducated cos I’m insecure about my own strong Northern accent (especially as I live in London) and think I sound uneducated. And there’s other stuff that really makes me cringe like people going to the supermarket in PJs, going to the same resort in Spain on holiday every year, being unnecessarily loud in public. All these things are things my very working class family did growing up and, much as I love my family, as I grew up I started to see them as uncultured and embarrassing. So I probably judge people with similar behaviour more than others cos it triggers something about my own upbringing. I’m wondering what people dislike/judge/makes you cringe in others that you secretly know is something you’re a bit ashamed of in yourself?

I dont like people who bunk queues. However this is something I have done many times in the past. Not by rudely pushig people aside but by lurking near the front of the queue and edging my way in. Secure in the knowledge that very few people will have the nerve to say anything. And so what if they do? They cant physically force me to go to the back and I am probably never going to meet them again.

I used to go to an antiques fair in Norwich for which there were humungous queues to get in. I used to book my tickets online beforehand. The organizers made no differentiation befween ticket and non ticket holders which is por organization. I saw no sense in standing in line with people waiting to pay. So I waited in the car park until the queue began to move and then sidled up to the front. No one ever challenged me. Had they done so I would have told them yes I was in the queue but had to go back to my car for my medication and the people I was with have gone through.

Am i ashamed? Nor really. First come first served is not always the fairest way. The people who got there first may live nearer or have come by car. Therefore they had an advantage over people like me who travelled a long way via public transport.

To my shame, and I can’t say this out loud, I judge people for being fat. I think less of them. I’ve been overweight most of my life.

There is a Buddhist wisdom that says when you point a finger at others, it is really at least 3-4 back to yourself - meaning you need to self reflect and explore your motives

it goes with - the more you know yourself the less you need to know about others

I had no idea. Off to ponder my judgey thoughts.

Thanks everyone 💐

I hate a know it all, don't they know that I'm the smart one????

I’ve also read it’s known as a reaction formation and explains when men can be homophobic - they are fearing their own sexuality around men and hate seeing homosexuals - hating in others what might exist in themselves - football allows them to “safely” be with men

No - I dislike things in other people that are specifically not like me. I really need to work harder on trying to understand what makes someone an a-hole - I'm too intolerant of a-holeness, when in fact they may have had shitty childhoods or lazy, feckless parents who forget to teach them manners.

I think the Buddhism wisdom still describes that - you are projecting onto others the helplessness you once felt maybe 🤔 and hating it

Wow. Your logic is flawed and you sound incredibly entitled. I can't believe you even have a lie lined up for in case you are challenged.

I agree with you that pre-bought tickets should have a separate line but on everything else you are completely wrong and I most certainly would boot you to the back of the queue.

I hate people showing off or holding court. I think this is because if my mum got a whiff of confidence from me as a child she would shut it down immediately.

Over talkers, who rather than the short give the really long story, some days i need just qick chats but then at times i love a good chat

Secure in the knowledge that very few people will have the nerve to say anything. And so what if they do? They cant physically force me to go to the back and I am probably never going to meet them again.

But this is exactly what’s wrong with society these days. (Shakes fist)

I judge people for being anxious or apprehensive about routine things - yet in many ways my life is ruled by anxiety. I think you’re on to something.

I hate holding court because my dad does it and I suppose I worry that we are very similar

Yes, it could be you are hating others for what you “hate” in yourself (if you do)

No actually I’m definitely someone who dislikes traits in others that I don’t have myself. I am more likely to view someone sympathetically if they share one of my many faults!

Well, yes, I don’t think anyone is disputing the truth of it! I think it’s entirely true. I know that the person I would quite cheerfully kill if I knew I’d get away with it is so loathsome to me because she does things I won’t let myself do.

@Friendlygingercat Don’t you feel bad about contributing to the world being a worse place?

I hate people who try to be friends with everyone . I find it intrusive when people actively try to befriend me it puts me off them !!!
I am very wary of people being to friendly to quickly !
I'm not like that at all ! I am a closed book when I meet new people because I don't want to share stuff with strangers lol 😁

I can be quite disorganised, but I sigh and mutter if someone else lets me down.

I used to be someone who couldn’t say “no” or stand up for myself - I had to really teach myself to do it, and I still fear any confrontation. While I don’t deride other such people, I don’t find it funny when it happens in comedies. I remember an Archers storyline in which Tom couldn’t stop Helen drink driving; he went with her, and when she ran someone over, he weakly told the police that he was the driver. I think we were supposed to laugh at Tom, but I didn’t laugh at all.

I’m not sure about that theory. I can pretty intolerant of flappy, indecisive, wet people who need to get a grip (I know it’s not a good trait of mine that I have so little patience with people like that!). I am neither flappy nor indecisive. I also wouldn’t say I’m wet but maybe that’s not for me to judge.

I also don’t like show offy overconfident type people, and that’s the opposite of me. I am very much “put me in this corner and don’t look at me please”. But I think in this case it is about me wanting to be more like them - not a show off but the confidence. So I would say that it reveals something about me, even though it’s not a trait I have.

That fits to be intolerant of “flappy indecisive wet” types if you sit in the corner wanting to be more confident - you”re hating the “wet” part of you - your words!

i Would call it the “vulnerable” part of you that you are hating - it’s like disowning it in yourself because you can’t tolerate it - therefore you hate it in others when you see it

Hmm maybe it’s a different understanding of the word wet, I’m not talking about quiet people, but people who can’t do anything themselves where you just think “oh quit dithering and get on with it, you complete drip”. I know plenty of quiet people who don’t invite attention but are perfectly competent.
Being as objective as I can, I really don’t think that definition of wet applies to me, but I obviously can’t know if other people sometimes think it. I’d be surprised though, I think I’m more likely to be criticised for going too fast than dithering around having a flap.

I absolutely hate people who do this , what's so special about you ?
Your explanation of why you aren't ashamed sounds immature and petty , but then what does it matter if you aren't ashamed by it.

I don't like people who lack self awareness.

That said I can't think that I have any faults myself...