Rage!!! 😡

[Sarnieshortofapicnic]

I’ve been suffering with perimenopause symptoms for the last few years. I’ll be forty in a few months. I’ve been on HRT since July and while it’s helped my physical symptoms, the emotional ones are getting worse.

This weekend I’ve sworn and shouted at my partner. I knocked over some furniture on the way to get out of the house as I felt like I could have quite easily smashed the place up. It’s like being in another body. I’ve apologised profusely and now feel deeply ashamed. This isn’t me. I feel out of control. Along with the anxiety and mood swings and two week long periods, I’m a mess!

I have an appointment in an hour with a menopause specialist. What can I say or ask for? I’m already on Utrogestan and Everol 50 patch.

Thanks

Do you live with your partner? Do you have children?

I have been through the rage but my first thought on reading your post was that your behaviour could be considered abusive so perhaps you should live separately if your anger is that uncontrollable.

i do sympathise with how you feel but not your actions

No we don’t live together or have children. This is so unlike me in every way. We had been arguing and he said something that triggered me and I just felt enraged. I’m so ashamed and can’t stop crying today. He said he just wants the old me back.

Okay but I think you need space to sort yourself out. I know that’s not what you want to hear but you saying he triggered you isn’t great.

You need to concentrate on getting back on an even keel. Hopefully the doctor will help

Dealing with two week long periods is unacceptable. You’ll understandably be feeling like garbage. Have you had this properly looked into, OP? No woman will feel joyful and balanced with most of their life being consumed by periods.

There were a couple of times in perimenopause when I was so frighteningly out of control I could probably have done serious damage to DH with a frying pan (funny now but not at the time). The GP upped my HRT dosage - and tweaked how I was taking it - to gel and a coil. The coil gave me a steady dose of progestorone which seemed to help as I think the uneven dose of that was giving me mood swings.

I also spent a couple of nights in the spare room to get a decent night's sleep.

I found not drinking, stopping caffeine, making sure my sugar levels were stable - getting exercise and space all helped. I also talked to my husband so he was aware it wasn't personal as such.

I'm 57 now - it gets better - honest - it does.

No I appreciate the honesty. He triggered me in the sense that he brought up something distressing from my past as a way to hurt me in the argument. That’s when things got very heated. He has also apologised for his side and admitted he should never have said that.

We don’t get to see each other more than twice a week so we do have lots of space.

Thank you. It helps just getting it out of my head as I’m too ashamed to tell anyone in real life.

At 40, the consultant I saw recommended 100 estrogen patch with Utrogestan. Have you tried a higher dose?

I stopped HRT, just went cold turkey (probably not recommended) because I was so awful on it. I always suffered from what I thought was pretty bad PMS, but nothing compared to what the progesterone in HRT did to me.

The first 3 months were horrible with the hot flushes, and I stopped sleeping for a few weeks, but even then I felt so much better it was worth it, and that's all settled now.

I thought I was through it all, as I hadn't had a period for 6months + but have just had one, but sailed through it compared to my HRT bleeds.

Not yet but I will ask the doctor about it today. Thank you ☺️

I would think that if you are only having the rage with your partner then it is your relationship that is the problem. If you are feeling the rage and/or extreme mood swings often at other times then it could be your HRT needs adjusting, I would guess with more oestrogen.

I would heartily recommend a Mirena coil as you get a constant dose of progesterone, rather than the peaks and troughs from oral methods, plus you don't have to remember to take them.

I don't think that 's true. I think the rages are often most likely to come to the surface with the people were most secure with. I could mange it at work, most of the time, but not so much at home.

He triggered me in the sense that he brought up something distressing from my past as a way to hurt me in the argument.

Then you've got bigger issues than just the menopause rage. Anyone who tries to hurt someone else in an argument is an utter dickhead. Maybe you'd be less angry if he wasn't behaving terribly.

Isn’t it shite being a woman!

I hope you get a doctor that can help you x

Are you doing any higher intensity sports/exercise? You could channel the rage into boxing or martial arts, or something more conventional.

It’s good you don’t have kids or live together.

You’ve both apologised which is good.

For now you just need to separate and not see each other until you can get sorted.

Is there anything else going on in your life or relationship to make you react like this? You mentioned that he had brought up something distressing to upset you - whilst perimenopause can cause mood swings, I would consider whether this is actually the root cause. It sounds as though you had genuine reason to be very upset, it might not just be your hormone levels.

Quite possibly 😂

I’ve been feeling the mood swings for so long! Feel like I hate my job and don’t want to do anything with anyone. Don’t even like wearing clothes I used to love. Now I can’t bare wired bras etc I live in oversized, baggy comfy clothing.

My lifestyle is very good. I exercise a lot, eat clean and don’t smoke or drink alcohol.

The relationship was really amazing but it’s for worse over time while I’ve been having these mood swings and anxiety. The rage is brand new!

(((Big Hug)))

I had a brief period of feeling like this (thankfully only brief) it was when my dad died, so I put it down to that. But in hindsight I think it was probably menopausal as well.

its fucking horrible & I hope the consultant can help you today.

Dont make any big decisions about your relationship, now is not the time. I'm sure must if us have days things in a. Argument that we regret, it doesn't make your partner an awful person. Hopefully he won't do it again. Tell him that 'wanting the old you back' is understandable, you do too, but it's not a choice you are making & you are trying to get your hormones balanced, life isn't about only being together in the easy times, but if he wants out then to say do OR support you through this difficult time. Not make it worse !

🌷

Well the consultant has suggested I change to continuous Utrogestan to avoid the peaks and troughs of a sequential routine and to up my estrogen patch to 75. Hoping it works x

Do you live alone?

I feel for you OP, I’m in a similar position and at times I feel really sorry for my DP having to put up with my unpredictable moods and behaviour. I’m trying my best to manage it and for that reason have just started HRT because I don’t recognise myself any more. In my case I was in danger of completely losing it at work and obviously that’s not the best idea! Being a woman truly sucks sometimes.

Yes

You have my sympathy! Hope the HRT helps x

I’ve apologised profusely

his response?