Are people as rude in RL as they appear to be on here….

[CurlewKate]

…or do they just use Mumsnet as a forum to say what they wish they’d said?

I am.

Except I’m not rude, I just CBA with faux politeness and simpering.

But I probably just sound rude.

Of course not.

Sometimes. I was in Tesco last night, looking in a fridge, had no idea I was in anyone's way and an elderly man said loudly to me "are you just gonna stand there?!" Instead of maybe "excuse me".

I don’t come across people who are rude but that’s not to say some aren’t - I just don’t have the misfortune of meeting them.

I’m from an older age group and I also don’t understand the often quoted concept of not caring how you treat others when you reach advanced years.

I think they must be as I seem to see several people put and about who clearly have no manners at all.

We were at the cinema the other day and the lady in front had her phone out most of the film and was talking to the person she was sitting with. The light from her phone going in and off constantly was really distracting, but she really didn't care.

I also noticed someone trying to jump the queue at an attraction we were at recently, they seemed most affronted when the workers asked them to go to the back.

Many are worse.

Blasting music on their phones in public, blowing clouds of fumes in people's faces as they stand in the way of supermarket doors, letting their children run riot in cafes and restaurants, loudly talking on their phones using loudspeaker on public transport.

What do you mean by “faux politeness and simpering”?

Oh yes, and allowing very young children to have a screen blasting through dinner at a restaurant. Terrible.

I don't think I've come across much rudeness but I've certainly experienced a kind of gauche, "Trying to be nice but it coming out wrong."

I've been waiting for an opportunity to report this exchange for a while, so here goes:

I'm not so well at the moment and obviously am not looking my best but I thought these IRL remarks were a bit rude;

"Are you alright? Would you like a lift home in this bad weather with your heavy shopping? It makes me so sad to see you this way. You used to look like a model or an air hostess. If I was as bad as you are now, I would just have to kill myself!"

Mind you, she was French. I found that a bit rude. I took the lift. Might as well.

It was the odd juxtaposition of, "Model or air hostess" that caught me off guard then my brain completely gave out when she said, (more or less) that she thought I should die.

I think it was just a touch of social anxiety. She was trying to be friendly but it didn't quite land. Anyway, I have no intention of joining the choir invisible and hope to one day go back to my, "Model or air hostess" heyday.

Model or air hostess?
What the?

“Hiiiiiiiiiii, how are yoooooooooouuuuu?”

”Noooooooooo, it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

”Of COURSE it won’t be a problem. I LIVE for random inconveniences and LOVE doing you favours.”

That.

But I spent years working with dementia and LD. I now use direct communication but many people find it abrupt.

I'm the same in rl as I am on here. I am not good with people.

get a life

No - and if they did they'd stick out like sore thumbs. Most people find it in themselves not to always turn their thoughts into words in RL.

I'm ruder in real life than on here, but only to myself.

I'm known to call myself a "lazy fat heap of compost" or "smelly old sack of lard" etc., when occasions warrant.

No, I think so many struggle so much with asserting ordinary boundaries and expressing their own needs that it all floods out on here in a mad tirade of vituperativeness under the cloak of anonymity.

The ones who say ‘I’d have punched her’ are afraid to say boo to a goose. The ones who cry ‘LTB!’ are almost certainly locked in decades-long miseryfests.

I think if I called someone a compost heap I’d probably mean it as a compliment — something that turns leftovers into something life-giving and nutritious!

Heh 😄

I should have added, these disparagements are meant "affectionately".

Usually as a spur to get off my arse and attend to neglected drudgery.

I certainly hope people don’t talk to others in real life in the way they do here but manners do seem to have declined generally so undoubtedly some of them do.

If you sound rude, it’s probably because you’re rude.

Yes, unfortunately. We’ve had some shocking encounters with customers. Everyone thinks they are a special case and the rules shouldn’t apply to them. They don’t respond well to being told no.

My son was telling me about a study that found that nice people in real life are just as nice online, and rude people in real life are just as rude online.

But a lot of the nice people just stop bothering to take part in online conversations, whereas the rude people keep going, so you encounter more rude people online than in real life.

I don't know anything about the study, and I suspect my son read a summary of it rather than the whole thing, so broad brushstrokes is all I have.

Of course they're not. They'd risk a slap and/or repercussions in RL if they said what they say on here.

I agree with this.

No. I think an awful lot of people who are notably aggressive on here are quiet and timid in real life, wish they had a bit more social confidence and use forums like these to behave in a way they would never dare to offline.

Some people probably are horrible both on and off line of course!

There are plenty of bumptious arses out there, and in years gone by I'd have just accepted their rudeness. I tend to have slightly less patience with them now.

At a car boot sale last Sunday morning the sheer number of people who barged at me and expected me to leap out of their way was unreal. I very quickly adopted a 'stop and look at my watch/nearby stall of tat' tactic, so they had to go round me instead.