AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by school mums

[HangryOliveRobin]

Okay, so this might be a long one, but I'm after some honest, blunt advice. I'm far too sensitive about this and a bit socially awkward TBH.

I am/was really close to a couple of school mums - Mum A and Mum B, we've got on great for three to four years and were very close.

Mum A and Mum B are both very social and are close with other mums that their kids did hobbies with, thus involved in social things which I wasn't part of and never invited to. I did feel a bit leftout but understand that was my issue.

Anyway, I started getting closer to another Mum C. Now Mum C didn't really like Mum A, and we caught up with Mum B without A. Mum A was always invited to larger social events we had organised, but it seems she felt kept out and I'm the bad guy. She has visibly pulled away from me, but made an effort to pull the other 2 closer and they have responded, so now i feel like im being left out.

AIBU to feel hurt here?

I'm sad about the change, but also this feels a bit highschool and I cant quite belive this is taking up so much of my head space! But current phase of life means the school social side is a big part of my life. Do I try and address it or just accept life has moved on?

So Mum C has gone along with being pulled closer to Mum A even though she doesn't like her much?

That's weird as she's the reason you stopped seeing more of her in the first place!

I'd feel left out, but would probably invite Mum A out alone to try and fix it.

From Mum A’s perspective you were trying to ‘Wendy’ her, now she’s reciprocating.
Not nice behaviour all round.
Going forward, be straightforward and a bit more thoughtful but I think you’ve burned your bridges here OP. Look elsewhere for friendship.

As adults friendships wax and wane especially where the common link is kids.

Breeze past it, stay ch earful and kind to them all, don’t actively exclude people, should be fine.

So you were ok leaving Mum A out and now you are upset that the same thing is happening to you? Tbh they don’t sound like genuine friends anyway. Some mums get friendly with other school mums and think they are proper friends when, for many people, they are just relationships of convenience and will end when the dcs move on.

You happily left Mum A out though.

This is probably exactly how she felt.

No not happily, it did happen, but not with intent. I worked hard to bring Mums A and C together other time.

This is not tit for tat however much it might sound like it, but mum A was quite happy to socialise with mum b in their own social circles I wasn't part of

Presuming these are all adults, with spines and full mental capacity - they are choosing who they wish to spend time with freely, and it doesn’t seem to be you so branch out

The big question is why Mum C would respond to Mum A when she didn't like her before? That seems to be the only reason you decided to exclude Mum A which is what essentially started the entire situation.

Did Mum A decide to be the bigger person and start inviting C so they can build up a friendship? Or is she doing that just to spite you because she felt left out when you did your own meetups without her?

Grow the fuck up all of you

Unfortunately it sounds like this is largely of your own making, and you should have had more empathy/consideration for mum A. You seem to be justifying this behaviour by saying she had other friends, but ultimately mum A was being left out. You reap what you sow.

So Mum B was happy to leave Mum A out as well - but only YOU are being left out now?

Mum A should dump the lot of you tbh

Sounds exhausting. Just spend time with people you like and stop analysing it so much.

You left Mum A out when it suited you, and they’re now doing to you what you did to her. Play stupid
games….

Have you spoken to MumA about it?

No, I'm not sure if there is any point or if she would want to listen

So it’s a couple of women who have decided to distance themselves from you. They’ll have their reasons.

Just focus on other friends.

This sums it up

You got involved with school mummy mafia and are now paying the price, better to find other friends.

You've had a taste of your own medicine it would seem OP.

A bitter pill but hopefully a lesson learned.

Have you tried speaking to mum A?

How old are your kids? Because I feel like this belongs on the playground. Not to be brutal but I wouldn’t give this any headspace whatsoever.

I tried socialising with three mums on the yard once. Their three ‘little darlings’ started to be three little dicks towards my child.

I never spoke again. Couldn’t be arsed with the drama. My child has nothing to do
with the kids now either. I’ve taught my kids to walk away from drama. It’s the best advice I can give you too.

If A and B's kids do football and they had a mum's catch-up or something with other football mum's and your kids don't play, that's really not excluding you. So you inviting B and C school mum's does come across as deliberately excluding A for no good reason.

Why on earth did you leave Mum A out? That’s really horrible of you and you should have refused to do this with Mum C - she’s the one with the problem and the one to leave out. Hate it when women do this. I’ve had a friend trying to manipulate me in this way recently and leave a good friend out. Now I see my good friend separately and the friend who wanted to exclude her is now kicking off as she’s being left out when I see her…100% her issue and she didn’t hesitate to do it to someone else. Don’t get drawn into other people’s games.

It all sounds very petty and childish.
You left Mum A out, now you're being left out. You need the advice I give to my teen dd's, you reap what you sow. If you leave someone out, dont be surprised when it happens to you.
Why not be an adult about it, invite Mum's A, B and C for a night out and have a grown up conversation.