AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by school mums

[HangryOliveRobin]

Okay, so this might be a long one, but I'm after some honest, blunt advice. I'm far too sensitive about this and a bit socially awkward TBH.

I am/was really close to a couple of school mums - Mum A and Mum B, we've got on great for three to four years and were very close.

Mum A and Mum B are both very social and are close with other mums that their kids did hobbies with, thus involved in social things which I wasn't part of and never invited to. I did feel a bit leftout but understand that was my issue.

Anyway, I started getting closer to another Mum C. Now Mum C didn't really like Mum A, and we caught up with Mum B without A. Mum A was always invited to larger social events we had organised, but it seems she felt kept out and I'm the bad guy. She has visibly pulled away from me, but made an effort to pull the other 2 closer and they have responded, so now i feel like im being left out.

AIBU to feel hurt here?

I'm sad about the change, but also this feels a bit highschool and I cant quite belive this is taking up so much of my head space! But current phase of life means the school social side is a big part of my life. Do I try and address it or just accept life has moved on?

You all sound as ridiculous as each other.

But this all started with you leaving someone out so……

This exhausted my brain just by reading it.

Feels like school.

Wouldn’t try an address it. School mums are friends through convenience. Often after primary it’s a non-thing. Focus on your actual friends. If school ground politics come into play probably isn’t a real friendship anyway. Being the slight outsider is good. Friendly enough your kids are included, not so friendly it’s like Motherland.

Why didn’t you keep your new friendship with C separate to your established friendship with A and B?

You left A out first.

Move on and get new friends.

So the gist is cliques are fine as long as I'm in them.
Some people never mentally leave high school. You all deserve each other.

☝️
Sorry you’re feeling shitty about it but A probably felt pretty shitty too when you did it to her. Harsh lessons all round.

Yeah you did it first. They’ve all binned you off due to it. You chose your side. And backed the wrong horse. You knew she was hurt and went with it. You were the common link between b and c. You excluded a and were part of it.

you feel what you feel. But you jist got what you served.

Nah, you didn’t, you were the one who got close to c. You were the one who invited b along. When you were close to both. You knew a was hurt. But as long as you were included you were doing It, it’s shitty. Looks like b brought them together,

Bit of a jump to assume I was the one who invited B to join me & C, I wasn't it was C. Then we were all equally "guilty" of arranging drinks.

This, it’s a lesson learned sadly op.

Can't you arrange things and invite them rather than just wait to be invited by them? Or just be less tight with these particular mums and be more generally friendly to the wider group? Are your DCs particularly friendly with those mums DCs?

How come A&C are friends now?

Karma

Mum A is clearly pissed off at you and being very petty. Whats more interesting is that Mum C is now being drawn in by A when they previously hated each other.

It’s probably because C sees A as the queen bee and would rather be part of her inner circle than yours unfortunately!

You could text all 3 and suggest coffee/lunch and see if anyone is still up for it? Mention all 3 names so it's obvious they're all included.

Do you have other friends outside this group? I would distance yourself

So you were all arranging drinks, leaving A out. You said you knew that this upset her, they’re just doing exactly the same now.

Do you have any other friends? I keep school mum friendships very light touch. If I get invited out for a coffee/drink/meal great but I'm not bothered if I don't.

I have my close friends for my 'proper' friendships outside the school mums.

Oh please, grow up. You sound like kids in a school yard . These 'friendships' never last. Mean girls at their best happening right here. Read The Hive by Gill Hornby.
Mum A, B and C right here.
The Hive by Gill Hornby
It's the start of another school year at St Ambrose. But while the children are in the classroom colouring in, their mothers are learning sharper lessons on the other side of the school gates. Lessons in friendship. Lessons in betrayal. Lessons in the laws of community, the transience of power... and how to get invited to lunch. Beatrice - undisputed queen bee. Ruler, by Divine Right, of all school fund-raising, this year, last year and, surely, for many years to come. Heather - desperate to volunteer, desperate to be noticed, desperate just to belong. Georgie - desperate for a fag. And Rachel - watching them all, keeping her distance. But soon to discover that the line between amused observer and miserable outcast is a thin one. Wickedly funny and brilliantly observed, The Hive is a fascinating and subtle story about group politics and female friendship. From the joys and perils (well, mainly perils) of the Lunch Ladder, to the military operation that is the Car Boot Sale, via the dos and don'ts of dressing your child as a Dalek, all human life is here.

Why does your life revolve around the school gates ?

You say you didn’t do it with intent…so maybe it’s the same for them?!

Crikey, did any of you ever grow up yourselves, or have you just stayed stuck in a time warp in the school playground?

This is all very "A said this," "B/C said that." Next you'll be claiming that they looked at you/each other wrongly. Very immature.