What do you do when your adult DC start earning more than you?

[AnnaQuayRules]

I've worked in adult social care for most of my working life. Sometimes for small charities, sometimes for an LA. I am currently working for an LA in a middle management job. I'm in my 50s and 2 years ago moved into the higher rate tax band (just!) for the first time in my life.

I was chatting to DS the other day and he was saying he had been offered some overtime at work but wasn't going to bother with it as it would be taxed at 40% as he's now a higher rate tax payer. I'm really pleased that he's in a job he loves and that he's earning well, but it has made me feel slightly odd, especially as it's taken me such a long time to get to where I've got and he is 30 years younger than me. I'm not jealous in any way, it's more that my role as "provider" seems to have disappeared.

We don't see him very often as he lives over 200 miles away, but when we do I'm still in "parent" mode so pay for meals out etc. But he now earns similar (or possibly more) than DH and I each do. I can't imagine going out with him and then splitting the bill, which is silly as that's what I do with my Mum, but he's still my little boy, despite being in his 20s!

How have other people negotiated this?

I still pay when we go out to eat or go on holiday together etc. At 28 years old he earns 3 times what you used to earn and he lets you pay for him to go on holiday. I'm sure with that attitude to money he'll do very well for himself indeed.

I’m 50 and have considerably more coming in than my dad but he still sends me money!

A few months ago, I had to buy a new washer and mentioned it in passing to my dad as I was at home waiting for the delivery. Dad sent me a few hundred pounds toward it, as he wanted to ‘treat me’. I was so grateful for his kindness and generosity even though I didn’t ‘need’ it.

As it turns out, a few weeks later he needed an expensive repair done at home so I offered to ‘chip in’. It was more or less the same amount he’d given me but I don’t think he really twigged. In the end it all balanced out - I felt loved and cared for by my dad (who wanted to ‘provide’) and I found a way to channel the money back to him without him realising.

Yes I hope he does do very well for himself. And if I can help with that I’m happy to.
I’d rather see my children enjoy whatever I can give them now, when we can enjoy it together, rather than have it come to them when I’m gone.

Yes and if you can show that what you give your kids is "money out of excess income" it will always be inheritance tax free. Even though I have no need my DP's are now doing this for myself and my siblings to keep Rachel Reeves off some of their money and I will do it for my three when the time comes on the same principle. It's just what you do.

I always split the bill with my parents or take turns!