So bored at home with 20 month old

[Gumbolt]

Just that really, I feel guilty but I'm SO BORED the two days a week I spend at home with my 20 month old. I work 3 days so he's at nursery for part of the week. But these two days drag like anything. I am unable to drive for medical reasons so a lot of places - soft plays etc - are inaccessible to us as take forever to get to. He is on one nap and tends to wake stupidly early so if we go anywhere in the buggy in the morning I risk him falling asleep on the way back which I try to avoid as he wakes up much earlier than he does in his cot. He is a nightmare to take for an actual walk because he just runs in any direction, refuses to hold hands and sits down and screams if I try to use reins. He is entertained in the garden for all of five minutes. It's not even 11am yet and I am out of ideas. Am I alone??

I remember this well. It's all a phase and hopefully he will grow out of the difficultness when walking soon enough and it will get easier.

Can you set up some activities for him at home? Do you have a garden? Summer is coming which always makes life with toddlers a little easier, hang in there! Could you go up to 4 days as a compromise?

Helpful

Maybe you can keep trying then 😂

Don't feel pressure to entertain him though, he needs to learn to entertain himself. I mean, Gen X survived!

It is sad if a parent can't face their child. The solution is making the child bearable, not running away from it. Not saying it's easy, but it pays off in the long run - a child you love being with - is worth the short term pain. IMHO

I would seriously think about moving.

Being walking distance from amenities make the whole parenting cycle a million per cent more enjoyable. You can meet up with friends with similar aged children.

By the teenage years it'll be hellish if you are in the sticks.

I have a child same age. We go to a toddler group locally in the morning, we can walk there. Then I have the rest of the day. After Easter I'll be taking her swimming in the afternoon. So there's time to eat and do a nap in the middle of the day.
Give yourself some structure, it doesn't have to cost, walk to your local library they might do a story time?
I only do one day with my daughter and I can imagine two is tricky to keep them occupied.
Think about baking? Unloading the dishwasher is a new job for my daughter which she seems to enjoy! Get them out in the garden for a 20min activity, your nursery might be able to suggest something?

Now I've seen how much your DH earns - get taxis. You don't need to use a car seat, we've got taxis with our toddler in our Ergobaby carrier - I wouldn't do it a long way or on the motorway but 10-15 min I don't mind. And really consider moving, you've got another 16-17 years of having to get your kid to places otherwise. We have a pretty small house but so worth it to live in a town.

We invested in a mini indoor trampoline that also converts into a ball pit and one of those little slides as our DS was similar in he had too much energy that he couldn't focus on one thing. The trampoline or the slide into the ball pit stayed up all the time so he could use it whenever, he's a kid that likes to do being doing stuff, never been interested in activities that involve sitting still so both of these helped entertain him.

I live in a city! It's just the public transport is crap because basically it is everywhere that isn't London 🤷

This is what I mean - if I try unloading the dishwasher with him he will just take all the plates and crockery and lob them on the floor, do other people's toddlers not do this?!

Of course he does! He's a toddler! He's trying it out to see what happens!
Might be safer for him to join in with the laundry!!!!

Invite other parents round so he has a friend to keep him occupied and you get adult conversation over a cuppa. Or meet with them in park with cafe.

i agree with large open fields so he doesn’t need reigns. And a tricycle thing instead of a buggy.

Put him in nursery for 4 day, work 3 days and have a day with him and one to yourself. Don’t few guilty. You’ll feel much brighter and ready for a day with toddler when you’ve got a free day to yourself every week. It’s only temporary until he starts reception.

This was me. 3 days at work 2 days at home. I went back to work four days a week, and then I ended up going back full-time about 3 months after that.

I adopted, so didn’t have any birthing club friends. No relatives or long-term friends less than a two hour drive away so no one I could just drop in on for a cup of tea. I gave it a really good go for six months going to a baby club every single morning of the week, and travelling loads for everything, I was just lonely and bored. You are not alone.

Can you get an uber? Swimming is great at that age. An Uber shouldn’t cost much if your local soft play is only 10 drive away? I couldn’t over coped with the kids in the house all day at that age!

Just to clarify, we do go out, it's just a ball ache.

Why?
It's just a suggestion.
Might sort out the boredom.

Mine was exactly like this. Just hard work most of the time!

I had to drive to absolutely everything and we did. Swimming, soft play, parks, theme parks, beaches etc. He was much easier to manage when entertained. At home he was hugely hard work and miserable!

I’m really sorry that driving isn’t an option for you as it must be extremely limiting.

I Haven’t really got any other suggestions aside from what’s already been mentioned but he will grow out of this. Thankfully it isn’t forever

Thank you. I'm used to not driving, I didn't with my eldest either and it was completely fine, but he was much easier!

Oh also re the helping with chores suggestion. There is absolutely no way mine would have entertained that.

He used to lose his shit big time if he couldn’t instantly master a task. So if I’d given him messy play stuff, shaving foam etc he would have tried to eat it (followed by a massive meltdown)

A bowl of water and utensils. He would have been entertained for about 30 seconds then tip the water everywhere and then hit himself in the eye with a spatula or something (followed by a massive meltdown)

Anything like baking or painting was an absolute disaster too because if something didn’t go exactly how he wanted it to- yep massive meltdown

Even if we tried to walk anywhere he would trip and fall, would NOT hold my hand, run off at every opportunity, scream when restrained.. ahh happy memories 🤣

My niece on the other hand (same age) was an absolute angel. Would play with the peg basket or a piece of string happily for hours, held hands, never tantrummed.

So these kids do exist but sadly neither you or I have this type of child and it’s bloody hard. Mine came out of the womb frustrated at the world.

On a brighter note, mine is now 11 and mostly very reasonable and lovely to be around. So there is hope!

Tough age! I found from 18 months onwards mine slowlyyyy got more interested in toys. He’s 2 years 3m now and will play for hours with toys but it’s all very repetitive and he wants me to play with him all the time 😂

I would usually rather go out and take the short buggy nap rather than stay in all day and get the longer cot nap but I think you have to just weigh up what your preference is! Do you have any other adults that can keep you company some weeks? I sometimes meet a friend and find time goes a lot quicker when I have another adult for brief chats!

Can you take taxis to somewhere indoors (like a play cafe, library, museum, soft play, swimming, different playgroups or classes) where there will be somewhere to store the car seat and you wouldn’t have to carry it?

Feel your pain Op. I worked as a nanny in some remote bits of the world and without a drivers license in my early 20’s. It’s incredibly lonely.
My raised us on a farm with no neighbours for miles and she didn’t drive. Plus this was 70’s so no internet even. Can’t imagine how she didn’t go insane and launch us in the slurry pit.

My best advice is to find other women. Facebook groups, notice in a window anything. It does get more bearable but it’s a long haul.

I would look into increasing your work and childcare hours.

Little kids are boring and difficult at the same time. And i’m saying that as someone with a car. I hated mat leave both times. Your mental health matters too.

Have y,you tried a trike (the ones with the handle) instead of the buggy? My dd was this age when lockdown hit and hated going in the pushchair. She just wanted to hold it and walk, or went to sleep in it. We were walking a lot more (to kill time!) and it was a pain. A friend passed me her trike and it was a godsend. Dd was happy (i think she felt more in control) and it meant we could get out without constant wrangling and tantrums. Honestly the miles I covered with that!
Also would definitely say try playgroup/stay and play if possible