So bored at home with 20 month old

[Gumbolt]

Just that really, I feel guilty but I'm SO BORED the two days a week I spend at home with my 20 month old. I work 3 days so he's at nursery for part of the week. But these two days drag like anything. I am unable to drive for medical reasons so a lot of places - soft plays etc - are inaccessible to us as take forever to get to. He is on one nap and tends to wake stupidly early so if we go anywhere in the buggy in the morning I risk him falling asleep on the way back which I try to avoid as he wakes up much earlier than he does in his cot. He is a nightmare to take for an actual walk because he just runs in any direction, refuses to hold hands and sits down and screams if I try to use reins. He is entertained in the garden for all of five minutes. It's not even 11am yet and I am out of ideas. Am I alone??

I went back to work full time at that age. I had had enough! I also thought I might be made redundant so I wanted to up my package. It didn’t happen in the end so I went back to 4 days after around 18 months.

Why no nursery hours entitlement? If it’s earnings then you can work around it. My base salary was well over £100k but I used my pension to bring it just below. Huge advantages to that both for retirement and also not paying a ton of hugely disproportionate marginal tax. Also - could your DH take a day off instead of you? That’s what we do now - have a day off each. Spreads the load and good for dads to step up to part time work and a bigger role in the home.

DH earns too much, well over £100k. I earn not even a quarter of what he does so it doesn't make financial sense for him to drop a day (and I don't think he could really, he's in a very traditional industry and he leads a large team).

What does he do at nursery? Would a circuit style play activity work better so he can play/do activities for smaller lengths of time throughout the day, i.e. Read a book for 10 mins, draw for 10 mins (maybe plaster the walls with plain paper so if he does draw on the walls, it won't be hard to deal with), go in the garden for 10 mins, play with a specific toy etc. And then repeat so it feels like a new activity after he has done so many different ones?

Is he able to use a scooter for entertainment whilst you walk alongside him?

Edited to add: I do this with my DD who just loses interest very quickly!

What does he do if you refuse to come inside? He can't really destroy the garden too much can he! I would get yourself a chair and a coffee, and sit in the garden.
Build a sandpit with bricks and mortar? It doesn't matter if you've never done bricklaying before because you are only looking at two rows of bricks and you can repair if it breaks. Let him help build it. Sandpits are great.

Pavement chalks? If you don't have paving get an outside chalkboard instead?

Create some kind of area he can play with toy cars in?

Water play, blow bubbles, water the plants (or the grass, if you don't have plants).

Let him have a corner he can dig in with a trowel.

And then just sit in your chair and say encouraging things 🤣
(I'm assuming you do not have an ancient ornamental garden you are precious about).

But in general I agree with pp who said just shove him in the buggy and get on with going for a walk. It's a toddler phase and it's grim, but don't let him rule the roost. One of my kids wailed in the buggy, bug walking is really important to me so I carried on anyway. He got through the phase and now loves the buggy.

Out of necessity he does already spend a lot of time screaming in the buggy as we need to go places so he has not much choice really.

It's just the constant screaming is very hard to deal with.

Can confirm my garden is ordinary and boring 😂

I would persist with the reins. Does he like being pushed on the toddlers swings, slide etc. Feed the ducks with his reins on. Of course he has a short attention span at that age. Feel sorry for you. It would help if there was another toddler who also wore reins. That might help.

Yes, but again only for a short time. I think this is the whole crux of the issue. When other people say they spend hours in the park etc, I just don't know how because he gets fed up so quickly.

Can you see friends with similar age children for the park or play date. My ds was similar but it did improve. Physical activities like swimming where he can’t run off and wear him out may help. I would try and go to things early in the day as he is up early anyway.

Then get taxis to and from town once a week at least?

Does he watch a lot of TV OP?

I find that if my toddler even watches an hour, she’s a horror and far more easily bored. I’d try a full no-screens detox.

I feel for you. I also can’t drive for medical reasons - I was ok when DC were young - idk how I would’ve managed otherwise. My DS wasn’t an ‘easy’ toddler either, he liked to run around and was a bit of a daredevil.
Things I’d do;
local park
try and meet up w friends w similar aged DC (this was my lifeline)
any local music/gym/whatever groups?
I live in London so there was a fair amount of walkable activities like playgroups/playgrounds/church halls w music activities
No such thing as play cafes 20 years ago!

Never, he has no interest in it. I wish he did 😂

Then I have to lug a massive car seat round with me, and it's not like he's in an infant carrier I can clip onto a buggy.

This may sound a bit harsh, but if he is whining and grizzling after 5 minutes there is a case to be made out for selective deafness! We all know when our children's cries are true distress/fear/pain and when they are just wanting to get their own way. If you have decided that you are going to continue with a job he has got bored with then he will just have to be bored! Play fair and recognise his short attention span, but don't respond to it every time or it becomes a habit - like learning that turning a handle opens a door.

I do do this out of necessity as I have to get on with stuff

I'd go out to a play group in the morning. If you don't have any mum friends at the moment, join some apps and see if you can make some, then you can meet for a coffee or play dates.

Get loop ear plugs. Game changer. You can still have a conversation but it cuts out the sharpness and loudness.

Some taxi firms do supply their own child seats that you can use. It might be worth asking about that.

My toddler hates the pram too, so I baby wear her. Tbh, I've always done lots of baby-wearing, so it was a natural evolution.

A high back carry in something like a tula toddler carrier keeps my little terror contained and entertained. It takes a bit of practice to get them in and out on your own, but now I can take her out and just throw her in there when she's fed up of walking/causing too much chaos. She loves pointing at cars and birds when we're out and not having to deal with the buggy tantrum makes it so much easier to get out the door

I'd recommend finding a sling library and going along (or renting from an online one) as they're expensive for just a punt. But I couldn't cope without mine

I carried him a lot and still often do (also back carried in my tula) but with my health issues I simply can't manage him for long periods that way, he's too heavy now. I have a benign tumour that sends me off balance, so it isn't safe.

It doesn’t last for long OP. He will be at school before you know it.

Sounds exactly like my 19 month old tbh.

Will constantly run towards danger, screams when you pick him up (to keep him away from danger) and will pick up anything off the floor and put it in his mouth. He’s mischievous for sure with a lot of energy.

Crafts are short lived as he also tries to eat the playdough and draws on anything but paper.

i basically keep my boy in the pram for as long as I can. Also use reins which he doesn’t like but needs must.

My boy loves ‘helping’ me dust so that’s something to entertain him for a bit. Also putting things away is a favourite of his.

Definitely go to the playgroups.Have you joined the peanut app? You might find someone in your area who is in a similar position, it takes a village! Occupy your days where you can, especially if you can find him a playmate to join you at the park etc.

Good luck, I can totally relate. It’s a difficult age.

My first was like this, just really hard work and never happy. Made me appreciate my second more chilled one more… it’s unfortunate for you that you’ve got them the other way round!

No ideas really, I’m sure you’ve tried everything. The only thing my DS would reliably play with for any length of time was his little tikes car that he would trundle around in. I didn’t love having it in the house but it was worth it to keep him happy.

I find this comment quite sad.

Sorry to hear about your benign tumour OP 💐 &, your bored-easily toddler. Have you got a garden/outdoor area at all? Just thinking about my nephew when he was that age/a little bit older and my dsis was just outside with him tons. He loved to dig (still does and he's 9 now). She got him digging up the grass/turning over the soil etc. He loved flat-pack furniture so he'd do that. He loved screwdrivers/power tools so she'd let him take door handles off and on again etc. he asked for wood/planks for his last birthday then was busy sawing them up & building something. Obviously a 20 month old can't do all this but has he got play tools etc? or play/child safe knives so he can cut or chop things up? or a trampoline to do repetitive jumping? you could grow vegetables from seed or make a wildlife pond or hack back all the scrubs in your garden now its spring. He can definitely help with many of these jobs. Can you walk past a building site or watch builders at work on a neighbours house? my nephew watched the BT guy for an hour last year doing something up a telegraph pole on their road. Good luck.