How do we protect our sons from the manosphere?

[MyKindHiker]

Just this. I watched the Louis Theroux documentary with horror. What shocked me was all of these young men who have this horrible anti-woman ideology have mothers who loved them and specifically didn’t raise them with these ideas. How do we protect our sons and teach them decent values when they are coming across these attitudes online or amongst their peers?

I don’t want my son to always be kind. Sometimes kindness is a weakness.

It is not always within our best interests to do what others deem kind - like single sex spaces.

My son wanted to lick a tree yesterday. He was upset when he wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t “kind” to upset him, but sometimes kindness isn’t the right answer.

Also. There is only you that said “women are manipulative,” I don’t think the rest of us think it is a gendered trait.

Encourage critical thinking and also discuss the endgame. DS2 went through a very brief stage of believing this nonsense. I showed him proof that every single claim of all that red pill nonsense was made up. Then I went through some of the ugly things Tate said and asked if he thought they applied to me. Or my mates. or his auntie etc. We went through such a long list of women that he realised women were not just the Only Fans clickbait featured in the Manosphere shouty thickos reels but humans, just like him.

Does he really think in order to be a man he has to belittle and mock women? How does that make him more manly than men who respect women?
Does he really think a man who calls a woman a dishwasher is deserving of more respect than a man who is happily married to a woman who is a lawyer or surgeon or any other high-status job?

If barging women, mocking women etc makes him feel big, ask him why? Ask what opinion he'd have of someone who truly believed that they were superior to him because they wasted time putting him down and dissing him and physically casually assaulting him. Would he truly admire them?

Have proper discussions on what positive masculinity is and can be. Look for excellent male role models outside the manosphere. Discuss the problems of toxic masculinity. Discuss how feminism and masculinity might co exist fairly and happily. Discuss misogyny and misandry and ways to challenge it and overcome it. Empower him to feel confident in his masculinity without resorting to putdowns and misogyny.

I watched it today and I am still enraged! Although I did laugh when they showed the clip of HS and his mum at the end. ‘I don’t want a juice bar mummy’ what an utter moron. Now I do not like piers Morgan.. but he interviewed HS and at least gave him a gob full.

I'm still struggling to find where I have given any commentary on respect. Could you assist?

Encourage critical thinking. Don’t force them to think with the flock. My DS always maintained that he was the black sheep. He didn’t mean in the true sense of the phrase but that he didn’t always follow the flock.

Demonstrate that a relationship is a partnership. The family work as a team not a dictatorship.

From the beginning DH did as much of the nappy changing, bath times and feeding as I did ( DS was exclusively BF but once on solids DH would feed him) this has continued throughout his life so there have never been clear male/female jobs. The fact I’m the main breadwinner means that DS has a different viewpoint than many of his friends whose DMs are SAHMs.

Respect, good old fashioned respect. Holding doors open, helping carrying stuff, addressing people appropriately, eye contact and not interrupting. Learning how to interact with adults is important because they don’t end up feeling aggrieved when an adult calls them out. Learning basic respect means that they interact well with adults. Teenagers speak two languages, that which they use with their peers and that which they use with adults.if they aren’t bilingual they struggle.

My DS behaves totally differently with his mates than when around mates parents. They are all charming, chatty and interested. There is often a bit of crossover when they feel relaxed around you but are totally different when adults aren’t around. They also have a special language for parents that they neither use with friends or other adults. Being able to move between these behaviours is a sign of confidence. I often meet teenage boys through work that only do mates and parents they lack the confidence to operate around adults. This is probably the result of not socialising in large family groups and being left to go feral with friends. DS started playing sport with a team whose ages ranged from 14-65 it taught him a lot about interacting with various age groups.

As a result, DS and his friends watched the documentary and were pretty horrified by these men. His exact word was “weird”. He can’t understand why someone would become an influencer since it’s not a particularly stable career path and is all very fake. He’s far too busy enjoying life to document and edit it, preferring to live in the moment rather than view it via a screen. He does have a few favourite TicTockers but all are gamers and watches them for tips on playing FIFA. They are the modern equivalent of an instruction manual.