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Why would school refuse a call and insist on a meeting

715 replies

Insistingonit · 07/03/2026 13:04

My dd is in year 5. Attendance hasn’t been good due to frequent illness. Once she got to 90% the school insisted on a GP appt to verify Illness each time which we did. We already supply the appt letters for appts in school time.

She is now at 88% . We have continued to provide proof of illness. They are insisting on speaking to us we agreed and said we will arrange a phone or video call. They said it has to be in person. Why? We are happy to discuss but don’t see the difference?

OP posts:
FairKoala · 07/03/2026 16:04

RawBloomers · 07/03/2026 15:51

It's a punishment, OP. The school are trying to insist on a meeting so that it costs you more to have your DC off school and you'll be more reluctant to keep her off.

They cannot insist on it and they cannot insist on a doctors note for every bout of illness, even after going below 10%. I'm surprised the Dr. is prepared to do that, mine kicked up a fuss and wrote to the school saying it was an abuse of the NHS when our school tried to implement a no sickness without a Dr.'s note rule.

If you don't jump through hoops they may refuse to authorise sickness and you'll end up in court - which would be stressful and costly itself, so it may be prudent to play ball as much as you can. But I share your anger at the school policies here. They aren't in your DD's best interests.

But it would be costing more because dd is in school.
The cost of dd being off school has already been lost. Are you saying that the school would have been pleased if dd had turned up to school with Chicken pox .
Are you saying that School should be the ones to diagnose dd and in future dd should just turn up to school with varying illnesses instead of going to a doctor they can decide if she is ill or not and they will take care of her so parents don’t lose any time off work.

Also threatening court is only costly if you lose and nothing here suggests that the school would win
The school has no power to not authorise sickness if a medical professional has already documented and signed off the days illness

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:06

ReprogramNeeded · 07/03/2026 15:59

I think it was my post you responded to, where I was saying I'd expect school to want a F2F conversation about this level of absence. In the interests of the child.

What can the school do about it?

ReprogramNeeded · 07/03/2026 16:06

MrsStarskie · 07/03/2026 16:02

What can either the school or the parent say in person that cannot be dealt with by zoom?
We know that GP is involved so the medical aspect has been covered.
The process will be the punishment

Edited

Well I guess sometimes schools do have a disproportionate and punitive approach. But say this one doesn't, and is genuinely worried about the child and trying to talk to a parent about their child being off so much, what else could they do differently?
Of course it's better to talk in person than online. There are loads of conversations I'd much rather have in person, especially if they're sensitive, I need to read body language, I want to have a relaxed chat, there are more than two people wanting to speak freely etc. The conversation doesnt flow as well online.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

bigboykitty · 07/03/2026 16:08

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:06

What can the school do about it?

Have a conversation about it. Ask if there's anything going on in the bigger picture. Ask if there's anything they should be aware of healthwise. Ask if there's anything they can do to support attendance. See if there's a concerned and engaged parent. Check if mum's okay and if she needs any support.

Heartbreaksally · 07/03/2026 16:12

ReprogramNeeded · 07/03/2026 15:53

What medical professional would ask OP to come in and discuss how much time her DD has had off school?
If 88% isnt enough to trigger a F2f meeting, what level do you think should be? Average two days a week still 'bad luck'?
I do think school would be failing in their duty of care if they didnt question this.

My son had chicken pox at the start of the school term, one episode of norovirus around Christmas that was spreading around the school like wildfire, and appendicitis just after the Easter break which he needed surgery for. Which on average is more than a day a fortnight and below 90% attendance, but also unavoidable. Would have been more of a safeguarding issue if I'd sent him for his appendix to burst half way through fucking phonics class.

Now, despite the fact my other two children went to the same school and had 100% attendance during this time, the school were still demanding a f2f meeting about his poor attendance, completely overlooking the very valid reasons why (two provable with gp/hospital notes and the third witnessed by them because they sent him home!) and refusing a phone call.

I simply could not afford to take time off again, i was a single parent of three and had lost wages already looking after my child, I wasn't prepared to miss anymore and told them as such.

They said they were referring to social services, ive no idea if they ever did because I didnt hear anything from them and there was clearly zero safeguarding issue, and no amount of face to face meetings would have prevented my son getting chicken pox/norovirus/appendicitis.

This was 10 years ago now and it still angers me. None of it was about the welfare of my son, it was for their bloody stats. Booking meetings for 11am too so it wasn't even a case of going into work a bit late or dipping out a bit early - literally costing me half a day's wages which back then was my budget for a weeks groceries!

Mean time my sister is a teacher who wouldn't be given time off during the teaching day if she caught on fire!

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:17

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 15:21

Yes, but there are letters from a GP, the school knows why the child has been off, the OP should be questioning the school on their infection control procedures, I would argue that pressuring parents/children to "get their attendance up" is more about box ticking for the school and actually spreads infection, when you are ill you are ill whether it is work or school, schools and employers just need to suck it up, there are some very nasty strains of infection going round at the minute, have we learned no lessons from Covid?

I'll err on the side of caution. This is a safeguarding issue.

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:17

bigboykitty · 07/03/2026 16:08

Have a conversation about it. Ask if there's anything going on in the bigger picture. Ask if there's anything they should be aware of healthwise. Ask if there's anything they can do to support attendance. See if there's a concerned and engaged parent. Check if mum's okay and if she needs any support.

Edited

None of that can cure the health issues, the GP has already told the school about the health issues, chatting with the teachers in a pretend support group while they check out your body language has nothing to do with picking up infections.

472027474hg683 · 07/03/2026 16:17

It is likely to be the next stage of their attendance policy- have you had a look at this to see? If her attendance has dropped below 18.5 days, she will become classed as Persistently Absent (and will not move out of this category, even if she has 100% attendance after that point), which school will want to work with you to avoid.

As a headteacher, I would say go in and have the discussion, as they will (should!) be seeking to work collaboratively to try to improve her attendance.

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:19

Italiandreams · 07/03/2026 15:12

But what is the safeguarding issue?

We don't know. There is an 88% attendance rate and a parent who is unwilling to meet with the school.

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:20

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:19

We don't know. There is an 88% attendance rate and a parent who is unwilling to meet with the school.

And a load of letters from the GP explaining the absences.

cordeliavorkosigan · 07/03/2026 16:21

Agree in principle to the in person meeting but only give times you can actually manage without taking time off work, and also point out other times that you can meet online. Then repeat.
For example, maybe you could meet 15 or 30 mins before school starts, if you're doing drop-offs, or 6 pm if you're collecting, but if they need to have the meeting at 2pm, then oh dear, sorry, you just can't be off work at that time on that day, but you could take a break to do it online. Repeat until either it's clear that it must be in person and can happen before or after school, it it's clear that it's not that crucial to have in person and can happen online.
I was a governing body chair at a primary school and we all met on a Sunday to handle an appeal of something, once. That included the head and others staff and governors and the parent involved. Out of hours meetings do happen.

Dontcallmescarface · 07/03/2026 16:22

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:19

We don't know. There is an 88% attendance rate and a parent who is unwilling to meet with the school.

But the OP has taken her DD to the doctors, surely if it was a "safeguarding" issue the dr would have picked up on it and refered it on.

AlphaBravoGamma · 07/03/2026 16:22

In future, I'd ignore this 48 hour rule for D & V or norovirus, just send her in. She won't get chickenpox again. And if they insist on you picking her up, make sure she's got her morning & afternoon attendance marks first. Job's a goodun.

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:23

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 15:02

It is not just a reasonable request though, it is a tactic to investigate the parent/child relationship.

Yes, it may well be. I don't see a problem with that. If the school has concerns about a child's education or welfare they have a legal duty to act.

FairKoala · 07/03/2026 16:23

bigboykitty · 07/03/2026 16:08

Have a conversation about it. Ask if there's anything going on in the bigger picture. Ask if there's anything they should be aware of healthwise. Ask if there's anything they can do to support attendance. See if there's a concerned and engaged parent. Check if mum's okay and if she needs any support.

Edited

But they know all this already

If someone is ill enough to be given a doctors note to not attend school then what would be the point of an attendance officer.
The bigger picture is that dd is having tests to find out exactly what is going on and why she is getting ill so often which involves hospital appointments which is going to involve time off school so what would this F2F meeting change ?
They can see the mother every morning. The support she needs she won’t get from the school as they are the ones adding to her stress in the first place.

Exactly what is it that this F2F meeting be about ?
What new thing would be discussed?

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:27

Dontcallmescarface · 07/03/2026 16:22

But the OP has taken her DD to the doctors, surely if it was a "safeguarding" issue the dr would have picked up on it and refered it on.

Yes, and the doctor has been involved multiple times, parents trying to hide things don"t usually contact doctors do they? But maybe the local Geography teacher knows better........

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:28

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 15:21

Yes, but there are letters from a GP, the school knows why the child has been off, the OP should be questioning the school on their infection control procedures, I would argue that pressuring parents/children to "get their attendance up" is more about box ticking for the school and actually spreads infection, when you are ill you are ill whether it is work or school, schools and employers just need to suck it up, there are some very nasty strains of infection going round at the minute, have we learned no lessons from Covid?

If the school has concerns about child's education or welfare theg have a legal duty to act. A face to face meeting is not unreasonable in the circumstances.

viques · 07/03/2026 16:29

LatteLady · 07/03/2026 13:25

Right, the first thing you need to know before you do anything is that they cannot insist on a doctor’s confirmation of an illness… you have been rather lucky as most ICBs advise doctors to say no or charge for a letter.

Also, the school obviously do not understand statistics… you are halfway through the year, if your child is not sick moving forward then her attendance will rise to just under 95%.

You are perfectly at liberty to say no to this excessive overreach on their behalf, it is not necessary and I say this as a Chair of Governors’ with over 30 years of experience… during this conversation I would also ask for a copy of their attendance policy and their complaints policies. As long as you call when your child is sick, there is little more action that they can take. Yes, schools are under pressure to improve attendance but all OfSTED want to see is that they are doing their best to raise attendance and not to see how they can harry parents.

Sara Sharif.

I bet the Chair of Governors at her former school wishes the Safeguarding Lead had been a bit more proactive with her father and stepmother.

Too late now of course.

FairKoala · 07/03/2026 16:29

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:23

Yes, it may well be. I don't see a problem with that. If the school has concerns about a child's education or welfare they have a legal duty to act.

Why would there be a concern when all the absences have been documented and signed off by a doctor
Are they questioning the medical expertise of the doctors who have signed off these illnesses
Are they saying that they know better and with the support from an attendance officer that dd could have come to school with chickenpox or D&V etc

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:30

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:28

If the school has concerns about child's education or welfare theg have a legal duty to act. A face to face meeting is not unreasonable in the circumstances.

It is, it just means more infection gets spread.

Marieb19 · 07/03/2026 16:31

KeepPumping · 07/03/2026 16:20

And a load of letters from the GP explaining the absences.

The school has a legal duty to act if they have concerns about a child's education or welfare. GP letters or not. A face to face neeting is not unreasonable and the school may be able to offer additional support. I really can't see why any parent would be so reluctant to meet with the school

mellicauli · 07/03/2026 16:33

I would just say I am sorry I don't think you've made a case that justifies me taking time off work to attend a face to face meeting

If you could provide a list of the points you want to cover and why these can only be addressed in person I'd be happy to reconsider.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 07/03/2026 16:34

When was parents evening OP?

FairKoala · 07/03/2026 16:34

viques · 07/03/2026 16:29

Sara Sharif.

I bet the Chair of Governors at her former school wishes the Safeguarding Lead had been a bit more proactive with her father and stepmother.

Too late now of course.

This was more to do with why religious dress should not be allowed in schools

OneShyQuail · 07/03/2026 16:35

MrsStarskie · 07/03/2026 15:46

That sounds very patronising @OneShyQuail
You really should read the thread.

Yeah ive read all the OPs posts....dont see what issue is, school want a meeting, so go 🤷‍♀️
Parents happy to send their children to school, agree to the rules of the school when signing said child up to school, trust the staff there etc why then make a big thing, either trust the professionals you entrust your child with, or dont and move the child elsewhere. With attendance all policies are pretty much the same.

Unsure how a video call is less obtrusive, surely time is still needed off work to take part in video call and school probably want both parents present too. So OPs claim about video call easier just sounds patronising to the school to use your words