Did I misjudge this? (14 yr old birthday party)

[Oricolt]

It's not really a big deal. I'm just curious to know what others think - especially the parents of other younger teenage girls.

Dd turned 14 a few weeks ago. She and I had lots of chats about how she wanted to celebrate. Like a lot of families, it's a choice between a cheaper thing at home and inviting more friends or an outing of some sort with one or two close friends. Dd decided to invite all her friends back to our house after school for birthday fun, movie and a pizza.

She made a group chat, added all her friends, invited them, gave all the details, when, where, what, what time their grown-up should collect them etc etc. She came up with a craft activity they could all do. It was lovely.

All of the girls have been to our house many times before. They've all been mainstays of each other's birthday celebrations for years.

I made cake, got snacks, ordered pizza, checked on the girls, and was vaguely around in case an adult was needed.

One thing I didn't do was message the other parents. Should I have? I didn't feel it was necessary at 14. Dd was entirely capable of sorting it all out herself and it went without a hitch.

I'm pondering for a couple of reasons - one, because 4 of the mums sent me a message to check on the plans. And two, because, now I think about it, everyone else's birthday invitations are coming from their mums to me ("Hey, Lucy is turning 14 on the 20th and she would like to invite your dd to... etc")

Have I gone hands off too soon? I don't mind if I have. Just wondering.

I don't get involved in invitations once they are teens. Not for birthdays, days out, or meet ups. I don't have contact numbers for most of their friend's parents anyway.

I think either way is fine. As it was at your house I think it was fine not to text parents.

For everyone asking about how did she have numbers, I have numbers of the most of my year 7s class mums/dads. We have a Whatsapp group.

Nope. My daughter had her 14th last week,all arranged by her on the group chat. I didn't once message any of the parents. You don't once they hit this age group. Everyone had their phones if the parents wanted to get In touch with them.

My daughter is going out with her new boyfriend for the first time tomorrow. It is also the first time she has been into the bigger town without an adult. I have arranged it with his mum who is dropping him here and they are retuning here by bus later for him to be picked up.

She is nearly 14, he is just 15, lives 40 mins away.

It is quite weird in many ways!!!

Very variable at this age. DS is trying really hard to organise his own social life and plan stuff with his friends, and I fully encourage this independence. But it’s a bit like banging his head against a wall, because his friends are flaky (in an incompetent way rather than deliberately letting him down) and some parents are complete helicopters.

One Dad has set up three separate WhatsApp groups for parents of his kid’s friends in order to organise social stuff. I’m on all three and it does my head in. But his kid isn’t allowed a phone (and visiting kids have to switch off and put away phones) so it’s hard for his son to organise himself. He also lives in the arse end of nowhere with no public transport, so independence is already compromised.

I spend a lot of time gently responding “Shall we let them organise this amongst themselves?” but I feel like Canute.

I dont think the 14yos I know would be capable of it, but well done to yours for making it work! I love that birthday party idea!

This basically. I would expect them to be making their own arrangements and my daughter definitely wouldn’t want me involved. However, if it was my daughter going to a party, if I’m honest, I probably would check on her as she has proven she can’t be trusted yet.

No I think this was fine

It's fine, i'll be down to the other kid most likely.

At 14, ds2 would have said 'mum, Sam is having a party this Sat, I need to be dropped off at 3pm at his house, his mum is buying us pizza for dinner, thdir treat, we're having cake and doing xyz and his parents said we can stay till 8pm and get picked up then'. Lovely.

By comparison, with ds1 at 14 i'd have had:
'Mum, can I go to Sam's Sat?'
'Sure, what time?'
'I dunno, maybe 3ish? He's having a party'.
'Oh lovely...what are you doing then?What time does it finish?'
'Mmm...dunno. Probably be a few hours'.
'OK...are you eating there? Or do you need money for food?'
'Mmm, his mum will probably do pizza I think...'

If it was ds1 I would definitely be one of the mums checking with you, getting anything concrete out of him at 14 was like getting blood out of a stone!

Yeah I think it’s just this. Parent checking it really is a legit party you know about and will be there, and not an “empty” (as we say in Scotland, when the parents are away so an empty house that teen fills with a riotous party!)

Exactly this!!

At 13 my son was Invited to an 18th party of a girl he's known for years through a hobby. Didn't even cross my mind to check up with a parent at their age, even with him being so much younger

From Yr 6/7 onwards my parents wouldn't have had a clue of my friends parents names so I'm trying to give him the same freedom. So far no rogue behaviour and he's always been where he's said he would be and when

You did absolutely fine!

My DD is almost 15, we have been at the stage of them arranging social events themselves for the last couple of years- unless something specific like a parent messaging to ask about sharing lifts