This is long, sorry. And it will sound grabby to many and it sort of is, but I am really struggling to get past it. It is keeping me awake at night and making me feel sick.
I am married with 2 DC (older teens) I have no other living family. I was the only child of an only child (mum) and my dad's few relatives lived on the other side of the world, were not particularly interested and are now also deceased.
My lovely dad worked his whole life (35 years) for a wealthy married childless couple who were my godparents (as a pair) - so the nearest things I had to relatives as a child. They were quite engaged with me as a child but less interested when I got a bit older - 14/15. My dad had many opportunities to leave and earn a lot more money but he was too very loyal, and grateful for the job opportunity they had given him when he first arrived in the UK in the 70s. So he stayed with them and took his very modest weekly wage whilst their business grew into a multi million pound success. The day he retired they gave him nothing. Not a penny, but promised that I would be looked after. I was the centre of his world so he was happy with that.
After my parents died I made an extra effort to keep in touch with my godparents who had no relatives and few friends, and did a lot for them, especially during Covid - but also just popping round for tea, picking up shopping etc. I genuinely did this not with any expectation but because I missed my parents so much and enjoyed being around 'nearly' family who knew them well and could chat and help keep the memories alive.
In the meantime, my marriage started to deteriorate and became quite abusive (verbally not physically) with H often losing his temper and being controlling - hiding my keys/phone for example, breaking my things, getting up in my face and calling me names. Not in front of DC - but several times a week. I started to lose myself and lost my confidence and then lost my job so felt completely trapped. Financially, emotionally and physically.
Even though I didn't consciously think it, a bit of me was waiting for Godparents to step in and help me - either financially or emotionally, but even though Godfather would ask if I needed anything, it was never in a way that you could say actually say "yes" and honestly.... a bit of me kept thinking 'just hold on' - he made a promise, you'll be ok.
Godmother died and I spent more time checking on Godfather, but he died close behind her last year. I was sat with him the day he died and promised to take his cat (which I did).
Six months later, probate was sorted and his estate was worth £17.5 million. He left £1million to his lovely housekeeper who had been with him 25 years and the rest to various animal charities. I got nothing.
I know I shouldn't have expected something, but I did. I thought it was my ticket out of my horrible situation - my escape - and I can't get over how let down I feel. It's like my one chance was taken away. It wasn't really, it just wasn't ever there. I am also so gutted for my dad (who obviously doesn't know that the promise wasn't kept) but he so believed I would be helped and it makes me so angry that they lied to him. I have to drive past some of the beautiful houses that my godparents owned most days - there are at least seven in my area - and I just can't help feel bitter and let down knowing that I am stuck with no financial means to leave in a horrible marriage, when a small fraction of his wealth could have made all the difference.
I should just move on - nobody is entitled to anything, i know that but I feel like my last bit of fight is gone. I really want to be strong, to move on but I feel like it's almost becoming like an intrusive thought - the fact of being disappointed. I think I was counting on it more than I was prepared to admit to myself and just feel utterly crushed that I haven't been 'rescued'.