Would people be understanding of my deep fear of motorways?

[scaredofmotorways]

I know people will criticise me. People will probably come on here and say I shouldn’t have a licence if I’m this petrified.

I passed my test almost 10 years ago and I’ve never driven on a motorway. Every time I’ve tried I’ve had a panic attack. If I’m near one I begin to panic I’m going to end up on it by accident. I’ve tried to face my fear but I end up so worried I can’t do it.

I think it stems from the fact I grew up miles from any motorways so hardly ever went on them as a passenger. I also know someone who died on a motorway and it’s in my head that if you are in a crash on the motorway you will almost certainly die due to the speed.

I am a perfectly fine and competent driver around towns and A roads. But the motorway scares me even as a passenger, I feel like it’s dancing with death.

The problem is I now live closer to a motorway and there are occasions work want me to go somewhere where that would be the easiest way. But i won’t do it, I would rather take the train which takes longer and is expensive.

I haven't owned up as I think they would view me as pathetic.

Please don’t say I should just face my fear and do it. I have tried but exposure to fears can make things worse. I’m asking if there would be any understanding about this if I was to confide in someone, or if I am just pathetic.

Me too!! And its a deep, deep fear. I literally could not do it and I hate that I can't :-(

This is me too!

CBT could really help you. And once you've gone with that then maybe some motorway lessons?

Of course the logical part of your brain knows this but if it's any help, I've been involved in a huge motorway pile up and walked away entirely unharmed. In fact nobody was seriously injured... the cars, not so much! However it did shake me a bit and I found CBT really helped.

Yes they would be understanding. Lots of people are the same. But if it’s now starting to limit what you can do maybe consider a specific motorway set of lessons. My sister did one that was designed for people who’d been driving for years but didn’t like motorways, in her case 40 years and abiding them, she was 58.. she’s fine now. She felt she had to as her son had moved somewhere it was only realistic to get to by motorway.

I really dislike motorways. Not to the same extent as you of having a phobia, but I do get intrusive thoughts beforehand when I have to drive on them, but these tend to disappear once I’m actually on the motorway itself. If you can go about your life avoiding them, then I honestly don’t see the problem. I have become more uncomfortable with certain aspects of driving as I get older. I hate driving on winding rural roads at night, so I now just find a route that suits me better, even though I live in an area where dark winding roads are the shortest route to almost everywhere. I’m still getting where I need to go. I just have to leave a bit earlier.

I’m the same, hate driving on them myself, will do if I have to, hate being a passenger in a car on them too.

I think mine stems from being around 18 and a girl I knew from age 4 was killed driving back to university after an accident with a truck. It was in the years when only the brightest went to university and I was so upset that someone so young and brilliant, an only child to older parents, had her life wiped out just like that.

I’ve had a very irrational fear ever since, and some days I can drive on my local motorway without a thought between certain junctions and other days if my fear is strong I take the A roads. It is what it is.

Motorway driving is absolute bliss because people generally leave enough space, and are more considerate. if you don't want to do 70 move over or stay in the left lane, then you can happily do 50 or 60 without annoying people.

I had a motorway lesson after passing my test, best thing I did. He took me on the M25 near Heathrow where it's 6 lanes and then got me to drive on all the motorways that I'd likely use.

To conquer a fear you need to face that fear. There are many A roads that turn into motorways (A404M and A1M are just a couple) You could try one of those first.

You definitely don’t have to do it but when I passed my test I found going on them on a late summers evening when it was quiet really helped. I only did one junction and then came off at the next one.

Its different by me though we’re surrounded by motorways and it’s actually one of the more quiet ones with less HGV’s.

I see the value in it but I don’t love motorway driving so definitely don’t blame you for avoiding it and of course you should still have a licence and drive there’s huge parts of the country who don’t live anywhere near them so I imagine they’re a little daunting for lots of people.

Yes someone else has let me know already and I apologised once for being incorrect as (having not needed lessons since 1997) I wasn’t aware of this change. I also cannot remember ever seeing a learner on a motorway and drive them reasonably often.

You can see from the responses how common this is OP! I know several people like this- all women. I’ve never known or heard of a man with this fear. I expect some exist but it does seem to be mainly a female fear.

I feel much less safe on single lane country roads, which are statistically a lot more dangerous.

I agree with PPs that you could just continue to avoid driving on them, but if it’s going to get in the way of your job, then you can address it by trying hypnotherapy or CBT, and then taking some motorway lessons with an instructor. A good instructor will not judge you- they will likely have encountered others with the same fear. I also don’t believe an instructor has the right to report you to DVLA. What is there to report anyway? ‘I’ve met someone who doesn’t like driving on motorways’. They can’t have your licence revoked for this.

It’s not an unusual fear at all. I have two friends who won’t drive on motorways and will go the long way round on every occasion.

You seem to be managing things well, so all the best to you.

PS I flatly refuse to drive if there is the smallest chance of snow. It terrifies me, yet other people set off unperturbed.

Yes I agree with snow! Much more scary in case it's skiddy etc, motorways are well gritted so best place to be!

You could say the same of planes and trains but you still get on them.

I'd get lessons. At some point you may end up having to go on one, I was diverted onto the M25 for a short stretch once by police due to an accident and road closure. Couldn't go back up the one way system, literally nowhere else to turn off.

I live in Bristol and the M32 starts right in the city centre, is only 4 miles long and only two lanes except right at the end. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M32_motorway Would you be okay driving on that @scaredofmotorways or would the fact that it is labelled as "a motorway" mean you are scared to? That might help you understand if it's now fear of the concept rather than fear of individual things like multi-lane roads or complicated junctions.

A driving instructor has absolutely no right or power to revoke your driving licence which you already hold, don't worry!

I would probably ask around for some recommendations for someone who is reassuring and helpful with anxious drivers and look at having some lessons to specifically go through motorway technique. Book just one trial lesson with them first to get a sense of what they're like and whether they will be helpful to you.

People do survive motorway crashes. Modern cars are exceptionally good at protecting the occupants. Obviously speed is a factor and people do die in car crashes, but motorway driving is some of the safest you will ever do.

If your loved one died a long time ago, it might be that your impression of motorway safety is outdated because cars have changed. For example in the 1980s you were about 5x more likely to be killed in a road traffic accident than you are today, much of this is to do with better safety features in modern cars.

That said, it's your choice and I think you should be upfront with work and tell them that you prefer not to drive on motorways rather than make excuses.

I share your fears, OP, although in my early years of driving was reasonably content to go on motorways.

These days, I tell people only when I have to but then am clear that this is a phobia and I will not drive (or even be driven) on a motorway. I leave no room for ridicule or persuasion. Mostly there is a solution e.g. A/ other roads and setting off earlier, public transport, not going at all.

I'm exactly the same, even though, years ago, I used to drive on the motorway every day to and from work, without a care in the world. It was when I was driving to the lakes on holiday once and my car started shutting down on the motorway. I managed to pull over but whilst I was waiting for the RAC, I became aware of the speed and amount of traffic zooming past me and how vulnerable I felt. It also didn't help that my silly son had undone the dog's seat belt and he was jumping around the inside of the car. I didn't know whether it was safer to stay in the car or for us to all stand on the embankment, but I worried the dog would drag us onto the motorway or escape somehow (he was an extremely large boy). Thankfully, the RAC were wonderful and turned up really quickly, when I explained to them how frightened I felt. They even followed me to the junction I was coming off at to make sure I exited OK. It's really put me off motorway driving.

I’ve been driving nearly forty years. Only once drove on a motorway, had a near panic attack and had to come off. My mum was the same so I know it’s learnt behaviour. I will drive miles out of my way to avoid motorway driving. Ridiculous really.

I used to drive all over the place, including motorways, but back in the 80s and 90s there seemed less traffic on motorways and roads in general. I still drive in horrendous London roads everywhere, but motorways terrify me now at over 60.

I didn’t know this, I thought motorways were part of the test now. So do you think it makes sense for everyone to get some sort of advanced driving lessons post test ?

This.

You are already doing the difficult bit OP 😊

Fear can be so crippling and the worse of it is that those of us who suffer know how irrational it is and we know we should "face our fears" but it just ain't that easy is it? I think there's also always people who claim to be afraid of something but the reality is that they are nowhere near experiencing the crippling symptoms of absolute terror. I'm thinking about those contestants on I'm a celebrity who are "terrified of heights" and are then shown walking a plank 20 storeys up... Nah, you're not terrified of heights, you haven't got a clue!

All of which is a way of getting round to saying so what? If driving on a motorway is avoidable for you, why get stressed over it. They are safer, I've driven thousands of miles and hundreds of hours on motorways in the UK, Europe and the US and I've probably seen three or four accidents, none fatal, and yet I know that won't help you at all. I could suggest you try driving on one at 3am where you'll barely see a car, but you'll still be terrified. Unless you can convince yourself it's safe, you will never be happy, and if you're worrying, you are going to hate it. So why make yourself unhappy by worrying about it? Life's too short.