Would people be understanding of my deep fear of motorways?

[scaredofmotorways]

I know people will criticise me. People will probably come on here and say I shouldn’t have a licence if I’m this petrified.

I passed my test almost 10 years ago and I’ve never driven on a motorway. Every time I’ve tried I’ve had a panic attack. If I’m near one I begin to panic I’m going to end up on it by accident. I’ve tried to face my fear but I end up so worried I can’t do it.

I think it stems from the fact I grew up miles from any motorways so hardly ever went on them as a passenger. I also know someone who died on a motorway and it’s in my head that if you are in a crash on the motorway you will almost certainly die due to the speed.

I am a perfectly fine and competent driver around towns and A roads. But the motorway scares me even as a passenger, I feel like it’s dancing with death.

The problem is I now live closer to a motorway and there are occasions work want me to go somewhere where that would be the easiest way. But i won’t do it, I would rather take the train which takes longer and is expensive.

I haven't owned up as I think they would view me as pathetic.

Please don’t say I should just face my fear and do it. I have tried but exposure to fears can make things worse. I’m asking if there would be any understanding about this if I was to confide in someone, or if I am just pathetic.

I do have sympathy as I had a similar driving instructor who made me feel stupid. A different one was the complete opposite. If you do want to explore it in the future I’d definitely shop around for an instructor you get on with first. You could say you want to refresh your skills, then once you’ve worked out if you can get on with them then tell them about the motorways. This is all time and money dependent though I appreciate.

I feared motorways for a long time, exh used to do all the out of town driving but 7/ 8yrs ago, we drove in France and I did some of the long straight motorway stints and realised it wasn't so bad as I was fearing. It helped that the roads were less busy than round where I live. Could you try a Sunday morning drive up a couple of junctions and back again so it'd be quieter?

When I became single, no choice not to drive on motorways so I had to do it and it now doesn't bother me nearly as much. My parking however, that'd have my licence revoked am sure 😂

I find A roads more scary especially the single carriageway parts. With a motorway at least you have space to move out of the way if needed and can generally see and prepare for whatever is going on around you. Really boring to drive on though!

It’s ok to have a fear but you can face it, book a lesson with an instructor who is understanding of your fear, it’s what I did, 2 hours to teach me how to enter the motorway, overtaking and exiting. Then it’s a case of practice. I barely used them for years because they scared me but with my exh walked out I had to step up

OP - anyone can develop a fear of any kind.

But some fears are more rational than others and the safety / accident stats and the fact that you are happy to drive on A roads demonstrate that this is more of an 'in your head' fear and ought not to limit the practicalities of your life.

I understand and feel for you where you are at now - but in all truth if this meant that you took an hour longer to take a work-time journey I would be less sympathetic if I was your employer. Unless you were doing something pro-active to address your fear. Such as booking some motorway driving lessons or doing some form of therapeutic process to relieve you of your fear.

I am also happy to drive on winding country roads. I used to be able to reverse a tractor and trailer (not round a hairpin bend) but not these days.

I know quite a few people who won’t drive on motorways so you’re not on your own. And to make you feel better, my friend knows someone who is scared of turning right so where possible will work out the most circuitous route to get from A to B turning left only. (I wish I was making that up but it is true).
It’s not surprising that people are scared of motorways. They are very fast and you don’t learn on them. But actually not that difficult when you know how. Pay for some lessons and build your confidence.

I would try and find a sympathetic instructor if you can. I passed my test as an older adult and I was panicked about the motorway, my whole body would sweat at the thought of it but I had a few lessons on the motorway and it really helped. I had to wear gloves or talc my hands for a few months while doing it but I went on a few times and now I prefer it to town driving.

Or do as an old colleague did, he used to drive all over the country going the long way round as he had a fear too. No one judged him or thought he was pathetic.

Look at the end of the day, if you don’t want to drive on motorways, you don’t have to. If you’re fine with taking longer routes and using public transport and that’s working for
you, why change that?

However, this level of fear is quite unnatural. Would you feel better if you booked some lessons with a qualified instructor and went on the motorway with them, or would that not help? How do you cope on fast A roads/dual carriageways? They have a pretty similar speed limit if it’s the speed that’s scaring you. There’s risk in everything remember, a nugget could drive into the back of you at speed on any road.

Have you tried CBT to manage your anxiety?

I understand because people are scared of stuff. I'm scared of spiders. I also hate flying. But I go on planes because I want to travel - I wouldn't let it stop me living my life how I wanted to. Wouldn't it feel really free if you could overcome this fear and drive wherever you liked? So although I understand the fear, I don't really understand not trying to do anything about it.

I sympathise as I hate them too. Can't you just go the long way and not tell work?

What is it about motorways that scare you that don’t with A roads?

If you had to go down a slip road at 70mph to an A road would you be scared? It could be that what you actually don’t like are slip roads.

I can’t believe so many posters are fine admitting to being nervous and consider it no big deal. If you’re scared of spiders, fine. That’s not going to kill anyone. But if you’re driving 2 tonne of metal at speed and aren’t fully competent then that’s problematic. Sorry, I don’t think any ‘nervous’ driver should actually be on the roads in charge of a vehicle.

I had a 3 hour motorway lesson immediately after I passed my test with the same instructor who was great. I would try to find another instructor who can help you face it. We did off and on the slip roads by slingshotting round the roundabout and back onto the motorway and even went into the services to get a cup of tea for a break in the middle. A driving instructor can't take a license off you, you have it and they can help you. They can talk you through everything and be another pair of eyes whilst you get comfortable. You drive all the time so this is just the next step.

Doing it on your own would be impossible in your current mindset. This is important for your job and your base office may move.

My Mum was diagnosed with cancer and instead of her local hospital she was at a cancer specialist hospital in a large neighbouring city. You need to consider things like that, that someone you love and need to visit may be somewhere like that for a while. I don't live near my Mum and had to navigate this to see her.

You also can't always rely on your partner being able to drive either, a medical condition can stop that dead. Dh did his back in a few months ago and I had to drive the uni drop off run. Not a problem for me as I drive on motorways all the time.

There are lots of videos online of motorway driving from instructors which you could look at too.

I agree. I've got a real problem with cockroaches but that doesn't have a big impact on my life or my family. (It's not like they're desperate to have one as a pet.)

But having to avoid motorways, driving long ways round, has a real impact.

I’m fine actually driving on motorways, but get very anxious about joining them and what happens if I can’t get in. I manage by taking deep breaths and reminding myself that in 20 years of driving this has never happened as either it’s so busy the traffic is stationary or at least some of the traffic in the left lane will move over to make space. In fact quite a few of my common junctions the slip road becomes the left lane. And if all else fails there’s the hard shoulder ( never had to use it yet).
I actually find A roads worse as the slip roads are shorter ( sometimes non existent, I do avoid those junctions) and there’s no hard shoulder.
saying that if you’ve never driven on one I’d recommend some lessons.

I do understand what you say, and that’s why I don’t DO motorways. No need to, never taught there, and do not trust others.

The sights I have seen and rescued of people, competent people, unable to reverse even a foot on a country road, terrify me for a motorway. No spacial awareness, no basic comprehension or control.

I suppose if you challenged me, I could do it, and would, but it’s not in my comfort zone.

If life changed and I had to do it I would book lessons for sure.

I suppose my brain says.

so many cannot drive basics, on a basic road.

so why would I risk being amongst them on a dangerous road.

not all, but many.

I don't blame you for not wanting to drive on motorways. You are considering your own health.

I’m the same. I’ve driven on them plenty, but I’m 41 now and I’ll add a hour on the journey to avoid it (despite being 2 mins from a motorway junction). Is it ideal? No! Could I address it ? Yes! Do I have other shit to do? Unfortunately!

I do think it's a bit silly and wouldn't be particularly understanding if someone disclosed such a fear to me. My MIL requires an level-headed adult in the passenger seat to drive on any road with more than one lane in each direction and I think it's absolutely bonkers. I've only been driving for a year but very deliberately decided to go to visit an elderly relative of my husband 100+ miles away, at night time, less than a week after I'd passed my test as I can't see that there's anything to be gained from allowing these phobias time to take root. My SIL finally passed her driving test before Christmas at nearly 26 years old and is on her way to developing driving phobias as she is refusing to drive at all and being enabled by her parents, despite being a married adult with two children.

And maybe it's not particularly useful to you OP, but motorway driving is very simple, in concept and practice. It would probably be in your best interests to get on one and do a simple drive (overnight if the presence of others bothers you), and to get comfortable with motorway driving. I doubt you were 100% confident driving on any road when you first passed your test, these things only become easy and automatic with practice.

I'm exactly the same as you and know loads of people who won't go on them either. They're too fast for me. I went on one by mistake recently and was terrified! I managed to stay calm and get off but I'm totally with you on this.
I would just be honest with work about it and maybe get a lift with someone if it makes it easier on the odd time you would otherwise use the motorway.

I tried to DM you.

i can relate. I’ve had my license for four years and never driven on a motorway since I got it. Luckily my commute doesn’t require this. Shortly after I got my licence I took a wrong exit and ended up on a 60mph motorway that really rattled my confidence. I also have a fear of accidents.
I can’t drive on a new road without someone beside me. I put off driving anywhere new and I only do inner local roads that i’m familiar with and that even took me months to get comfortable with. i’m still not comfortable with multilane roundabouts.

People close to me just think i’m slow or something but they will never understand. I’ll rather also take an uber or a train than drive to a new location much less a motorway. I have considered taking another driving lesson but keep putting it off. Everyone just says get in the car and do it and practice makes perfect but I would literally be shaking at the thought and ended up never doing it. I’m glad i’m not alone.

As an fyi, you could live right next to a motorway and it would never come up in lessons or on a test, because it is illegal for learner drivers to drive on a motorway.

I no longer drive on motorways I had a bit of a traumatic incident on a motorway (that i had happily used for years) and im too scared to try now. I live close to a major motorway network and not a day goes by without closures because of accidents. I also know others who wont use the motorways. So no, OP, you're not being judged x