Would people be understanding of my deep fear of motorways?

[scaredofmotorways]

I know people will criticise me. People will probably come on here and say I shouldn’t have a licence if I’m this petrified.

I passed my test almost 10 years ago and I’ve never driven on a motorway. Every time I’ve tried I’ve had a panic attack. If I’m near one I begin to panic I’m going to end up on it by accident. I’ve tried to face my fear but I end up so worried I can’t do it.

I think it stems from the fact I grew up miles from any motorways so hardly ever went on them as a passenger. I also know someone who died on a motorway and it’s in my head that if you are in a crash on the motorway you will almost certainly die due to the speed.

I am a perfectly fine and competent driver around towns and A roads. But the motorway scares me even as a passenger, I feel like it’s dancing with death.

The problem is I now live closer to a motorway and there are occasions work want me to go somewhere where that would be the easiest way. But i won’t do it, I would rather take the train which takes longer and is expensive.

I haven't owned up as I think they would view me as pathetic.

Please don’t say I should just face my fear and do it. I have tried but exposure to fears can make things worse. I’m asking if there would be any understanding about this if I was to confide in someone, or if I am just pathetic.

If you’re in a dual control car with a proper instructor it’s been legal since 2018

I thought learner drivers were completely banned so I apologise for not realising this rule had been changed. I am surprised it has though and I don’t think it’s a good idea for learners to be on there. Much better to do the advance plus once you have a bit of independent driving under your belt.

Apologies for giving the wrong advice though, I’ll definitely remember this now!

I don't think that's true actually, you are actually safer on motorways. But fears aren't rational.

I don't really get the anguish because I love motorway driving and do it twice a day to get to work, but I think that's because I first drove on one with an experienced driver beside me (my dad) who talked me through it. Before I drove on the motorway myself, he took the wheel and explained how to approach it, because it is quite different to driving in town. If you have someone who could do that for you it might help a lot. But if you can manage without motorway driving, you don't need to put yourself through the stress.

I have a friend who won’t drive on motorways. I just think fair enough, as they can be pretty intimidating, especially merging on.

my MIL won’t even be a passenger on a motorway. I do feel for FIL as he does all the driving anyway and always has to go the long way. They once picked me up after surgery and drove me the long way home, including quite a lot of speed bumps! Regretted accepting their very kind offer when I realised.

I think either just fully accept that’s the way it will be or give it one last go after motorway driving lessons.

A motorway is exactly the same as a dual carriageway, except easier because no roundabouts or traffic lights, you can only exit from the left. Book in for some motorway lessons OP and take it from there.

so I know statistics might not help but motorways are by far the safest roads. Fewer accidents, and less likely to be fatalities.

theyre big wide safe roads, the hard shoulder is there in case of a problem. The speeds are no higher than dual carriageways.

id definitely suggest a couple of motorway lessons. Your fear is real to you but it’s not rational and you could work on it. I know that’s easy to say and hard to do

As a total aside, it’s nice to see someone on the internet finding out they were mistaken and simply saying “oh, thanks for correcting me”

I grew up in a country where driving on a motorway was a compulsory part of the driving test, which I think is an excellent idea as it removes the idea that motorways are terrifying things that should be avoided.

Hanging said that, I'm amazed by this thread and how many people won't drive on motorways...and on behalf of all the other drivers, thank you for being aware enough to not go near them - not having panicky drivers on them makes it safer for us all!

What do you class as a motorway? In Leeds we have a motorway that goes through the city centre. Would you go on that? If you didn’t you would struggle to live here. Are you going to let this fear rule your life? I’m in the camp that you need further lessons and perhaps shouldn’t be driving.

As pp have discussed, having zero experience of motorway driving as a learner was perfectly normal prior to 2018 so anyone who is over the age of 30ish would peobably have similarly been inexperienced and nervous as a fully licenced driver who has never driven on the motorway. I have memories of being similarly terrified and doing a long road trip entirely on A roads to avoid the motorway route that would have taken half the time, at a time when I had held my license for 5 years.

It is ok to get more driving lessons as a licence holder, you don't have to cut yourself off from the experts just because you passed your test. Book yourself 6 driving lessons for refresher and advanced skills training.

In the first 3 of those lessons, don't go on the motorway but ask the instructor to include plenty of time on Dual-Carriageway A roads. Things to practice will be using slip-roads to join traffic, and noticing and being mindful about the differences in how you maintain awareness of your surroundings at higher speeds.

Specifically being mindful about how when you are going at 20-30 mph the area of focus of which bits of road you are looking at is relatively small, if you keep the same area of focus when you move up to 60-70mph then you feel like you're going scarily fast. So you shift how you look at the road ahead to be looking further into the distance and this change in focus enables you to feel more confident - this is helped by being mindful of the increased lane width and decreased road "clutter" (shops, pedestrians) which makes it less hazardous to go at those speeds. Having got used to those speeds feeling less scarey, also practice shifting back to "normal" roads it's easy to now start perceiving 30mph as really slow, so mindfully shifting your perception back is also an important skill.

Having had 3 lessons practicing this and gaining any other advanced skills the instructor can teach you, have 3 lessons where you just focus on learning the new skill of motorway driving. Start off with a small section - there are some bits of motorway where 2 junctions are so close together that you can go on them without "actually" joining - the sliproad for joining becomes the slip road for leaving and you can do that section as many times as needed to start feeling ok. Eventually you will start feeling confident to move out off the sliproad but you can take as long as you want. You will get there.

You’re not pathetic, specific phobias are very real, and a lot of competent drivers struggle with motorways, especially if there’s past trauma or a personal loss attached to it. If you confided in someone at work, there’s a good chance they’d see it as an anxiety issue rather than a character flaw, especially if you’re otherwise reliable and willing to travel in other ways.

I’m never going to judge someone for having a fear because I too have a few, mice, rats and heights are mine. You know it is irrational so logic isn’t going to impact it but my background is road engineering and motorways are statistically much, much safer. Many other road types have never been fully designed as they emanated from historical highways which were never designed but were used for pulling various non mechanical devices long before automobiles were invented whereas motorways are specifically designed to be the safest possible roads for cars other vehicles. I definitely think you should go on some as a passenger and exposure is in fact a really good way of dealing with irrational fears. You might never be able to drive on one yourself but it is worth trying to get to that place.

I lived in a place where I had to just get on with living in very close proximity to rodents and I hated that aspect but I had to do it. Sometimes it is worth struggling through for the bigger picture. Plenty of times I had to climb various scaffolding for work too which absolutely terrified me but again I had to get on with it. These things can be faced. Pushing beyond our comfort levels is where we develop.

I recently stopped driving after many years and not once did I drive on a Motorway as I was too frightened. When I go to see my son he brings me home but I won't let him take me on the a motorway if I can help it.
When I go on coach holidays I don't have a choice but always read my Kindle or something so I don't have to look at the traffic.

Something might happen one day where you will have no choice but to drive on a motorway & quite frankly, you will be a danger to other road users.

if you can drive on a dual carriage way which likely has more bends & slip roads (usually shorter joins too). You would be fine with a motorway.

think you need to find a way to address this

After a car accident I had 6 sessions of therapy specifically around getting back behind the wheel and driving on duals and motorways again. It was really useful, I highly recommend it.

I had this fear OP but I got an instructor to take me on a Sunday morning when it was quiet for some extra lessons. I actually now find motorway driving easier than A roads.

This is actually not the case - they are safer because everyone is travelling in the same direction. The most deadly roads are single carriageway - it’s the risk of a head-on collision.

Anyway, fears are not always rational so I’m not sure this information will help. I know a few people who won’t drive on motorways. All women. I don’t really understand it, but I don’t judge.

I live rural but 10 minutes from a motorway so would find avoiding them to be infuriatingly restrictive - it would almost not be worth keeping a car to drive at all. But if you can get by easily enough without them where you live then crack on, you’re not hurting anyone.

Why are you worried about telling work? As long as you can get to work on time then it should be fine. Are there no people at work who don’t drive at all? Is it an issue with claiming expenses for transport?

I have always lived near dual carriage ways that are 70mph anyway. Are you ok on these?

I would also say it completely depends on where you live and your work situation.

For example, i live in a big town and needed to use the motorway to get to my office in another town as i couldn’t afford to buy a house near my office.

I then got made redundant, got a job nearby. There was then a further restructure and my job base changed to our other office an hour away. I only have to go once a month but again need the motorway.

So depending on your situation, it may be good to try and overcome the fear to make job security easier if you need to find a new job for example.

My DD passed her test 3 years ago and has not driven on a motorway due to fear, so she’s going to have some motorway lessons with her old instructor.

I feel very similarly to you op, it’s horrible. I had a car crash as a teenager and was v lucky to survive it broken pelvis , femur , fractured bottom of my spine that was at 55mpg so like you I just feel certain crashing on a motorway equals death , no second chances.
I did an intensive driving course with the lady I passed with for 3 hours specifically to go on the motorway and it was actually fine BUT ive only driven on one 3 times since and that was 14 years ago

My Sis In Law won’t drive on a motorway for the same reasons as you . I don’t judge her for it .
Several years ago my DS MIL drove for the full length of the A55 to near cheshire. I then met him at that point to bring him to ours home because MIL was too scared to drive on M56 . To me there is no difference between the two roads and I drive them quite often but to her the motorway was ‘ a bridge too far’ kind of situation .
I do understand her reasoning though .

Travelling is part of my job and sometimes I’ll take the long road , rather than the motorway as I just can’t face it sometimes, I hate them.
when I do go on the motorway I tell myself I can come off at the next junction , I put maps in my phone to show me how long I have left and what the next junction is, I’ve had a panic attack years ago on a motorway it was dark and no lights and I was stressed.
I am learning to do it again, but baby steps, so I’ll go on the motorway going and A road coming back. It’s hard as the motorway cuts my journey by about 40 mins in some cases, I’m also considering having lessons just for confidence as I’m a pretty good driver, just have this irrational fear. It’s horrible

I am scared of flying which is totally irrational as I have lived close to a major UK airport for many years with no incidents!

I am also the opposite of you. I don't like A roads as they are dark, twisty and icy in Winter. I will drive on them, but would always opt for motorway driving if there was one. They are wide and everyone is driving, en masse, in the same direction.

However you don't like them and probably never will, but maybe if you could find a sympathetic driving instructor that might help? I read that you had a bad experience when you were learning, but you need to find an instructor you are comfortable with.

If this is not an option, then carry on as your are. There are often lots of ways to get from A to B, and most satnavs and phones have an 'avoid motorway' facility.