Something you were judged for that was actually a great decision?

[worldshottestmom]

Im interested to know; what is something that you were judged for that turned out to be a great decision?

One of many of mine is having kids! When I fell pregnant with my first child, the people I called friends at the time judged me hard. We were all early to mid 20s and they were all about drinking, drugs and having fun. Compete hedonism, as is pretty normal at that age.

It just felt like at that point in my life i was done with all that (23 at the time). I wanted to be a mum, settle down, and live a healthy and productive life. It soon became clear i was not welcome anymore; no more party invites, not more inclusion in whatever they were doing. Eventually just mostly stopped talking to me and spoke to me as if I was 90 and my life was over.

One of them, my closest friend, genuinely sat me down and tried to convince me to have an abortion. Two others made jokes to me about getting an abortion and how glad they were that they were not pregnant, and what a huge mistake it was.

But here I am today, 2 beautiful, wonderful children that i adore and complete me as a person. They make my heart so full. I couldn't be any happier with my decision.

So let's hear it, what about you? Im trying to demonstrate to others that its not always best to listen to those around you. So frequently people rely on others with their problems, which is fine and it's normal, but sometimes its so important to think and make decisions for yourself.

Having a termination.
I didn't want another baby.

I'm from a small town in Australia. After doing my masters degree I got a job working abroad. I was absolutely vilified by so many in my extended family- i was selfish because it would break my parents heart if i moved out of our small town. Who did I think i was? better than everyone else? I left Australia when i was 25 and went to work in Russia. That was 27 years ago. I moved from job to job at roughly every 3 years or so. Always in the former Soviet States. I met my husband who was from the UK and moved to the UK to be with him. We have 2 children. Last time I was in Australia my cousin got drunk and berated me at lenght about how i think I'm better than them and how selfish i am. I don't think I am better than them. I don't really have much in common with them. But i made a good, decent, honest life in the UK and have had wonderful experiences. In 2028 DH, the DCs and I are moving back to my home town as my my mother is now chronically ill. I feel that as we have had so many wonderful years and adventures as a family this is a new phase I can look forward to with excitement and grace.

But if I hear one more time from my cousins i am selfish and 'think you are too good for the rest of us' I might just well commit murder.

Gosh, thank you so much that really did make me smile. It was honestly quite heart-breaking to know how many people doubted my ability to be a mother based on my age, one in particular saying to my face "im sorry but I don't think you are ready to be a mother". As you said, I think i was just mentally a bit more mature than they were and they couldn't comprehend why i would be ready for such a drastic life change at that age. Which is okay, because they were still living for their 'freedom' and I understand that. I think im a great mum.

I am so glad you chose to do what you knew was right for your kids! I did exactly the same! I still co-sleep with my children now. People at playgroups etc that I spoke about it with asking me why I would risk my children's life, etc. I think if you do it safely it is the most beautiful thing in the world. These comments from women who would use the 'cry it out' method which i find appalling tbh, but i didn't shame them for it because it was their choice.

I also didn't sleep train because I found it quite a bizarre concept. Was told id never get a good night's sleep etc, yet my kids slept through the night only waking to breastfeed from a very young age, and i feel it is because I didn't force them to sleep when it didn't suit them.

Sorry this was such a long comment lol it just really warmed my heart to read this and I related to your own story so much! Thanks so much for your lovely comment and sharing your story, you sound wonderful ❤️

Losing friends for buying a house?? God damn. Least they weeded themselves out of your life so you didn't have to. Better off without such nasty judgemental people honestly.

I think you made a brilliant decision. Raising kids in a flat is not ideal, a 4 bed house with one kid?? They're gonna love all the space for play and adventure! Regardless of what anyone thinks though, just glad you made the right decision for you and your family, its your life, you choose how to live it. well done!

Gosh, well done you! I would love to foster a child. My eldest has SEN and it just wouldn't work out with the amount of attention and care he requires, on top of caring for my youngest, as well.

I had a pretty rough childhood to sum it up and at times wished i could be adopted, if only for a little while to escape it all. You providing that safe haven is nothing but admirable. Thank you for being a child's safe space and reason to feel hope and love again, seriously.

And well done on Kilimanjaro!!! I can barely do the nursery run without wanting to take a nap, hats off to you!

My god, i am so sorry for what you have been through, and to face so much judgement on top of that is absolutely shocking. Imagine telling someone that can barely move because they're in such all-consuming pain to "think themselves better", especially when you yourself have never experienced it. Kinda feels like theyre taking the piss. Insanity.

I am so so glad you made the move and got your powered chair! Just look at you now. Just from reading your comment the difference in your quality of life is so clear. You also have such a brilliant attitude despite your difficulties. You made a wonderful decision for yourself and your children, really well done on taking the leap and ignoring those judgemental bleeps trying to dismiss you!

Having a baby pretty young. Feeling pretty smug about that now 🤣🤣

Buying a house at a young age
Spending years as a stay at home parent
Starting a business

Having home births for all three DCs despite much unasked for advice telling me not to.

Becoming an English teacher in my late 20s - everyone thought I was mad and would hate it, Still happily teaching 30 years later.

Leaving my marriage of 10 years for someone everyone thought was massively unsuitable- still together 23 years later.

It absolutely is the most beautiful and natural thing to do. You sound wonderful too...Stand on your beliefs mama 🐻💞

Settling down with DH at 18. Best thing I ever did.

Marrying in my early 20s. People really seemed to think it wouldn't last - but my marriage has outlasted many of theirs!

Eloping.

Getting married cheaply, without fuss or fanfare and putting the money we would have spent into our house instead.

I was asked if I even felt “properly married” and told I’d let the family down, but when my DH sadly died I had all the legal protection I needed to make decisions about the funeral and his belongings, his pension, life assurance and the house.

I have since met many widows who had never got married due to waiting for the “perfect” time/place/amount of money and then left homeless, penniless and in one instance, not even allowed to attend their partner’s funeral because the parents were officially next of kin and made all the decisions/inherited everything.

Married is married, whether it costs £250 or £250,000.

Three decisions/announcements that I made 33 years ago at age 17.

One, to not learn to drive. Everyone around me drove and started to learn as soon as they turned 17. The pressure I was put under to do the same was insane. My only gifts on my birthday morning from my mother were a copy of the Highway Code and a firm instruction that my first lesson would be booked for that afternoon. This despite me telling her consistently for months before that I didn't want to learn. I declined both and as a result never actually got a 17th gift from her. I was very clear with everyone that asked/nagged/put pressure on me that it wasn't for me. I instinctively knew that I wouldn't be safe on the roads. I have always had exceptionally poor co-ordination, terrible spatial awareness/distance assessment, and struggles with evaluating risk. I was finally diagnosed with extreme ADHD when my now adult son was diagnosed at 5. I've never sat behind the wheel of a car with the engine running and I'm convinced there are people safe and alive today as a result of that decision. (I've also travelled nationally and internationally on public transport far more than my family who do drive.)

Secondly, I came out. Not a decision, I knew I was a lesbian at age 7. I was both judged as bringing embarrassment on the family and told that I was "choosing a hard road for myself." I often think that being a lesbian has made my life infinitely easier, given the amount of crap that men bring to women in relationships (NAMALT obvs.)

Thirdly, I went to a red brick university. This was seen as a terrible waste given my predicted A level grades and there was a huge amount of pressure to apply to OxBridge. I went to the red brick that asked for Bs and Cs, with all my As, and absolutely loved it. I stayed to do a Masters then went to the sort of university that people around me had wanted me to go to in the first place for my PhD. I've stayed very local to the institution where I did my doctorate and then lectured for almost 30 years but if people ask me which university I went to I always say the red brick.

I'm 50 now with zero regrets. 1992 was a bloody good year for decisions 😀

I was judged for going back to work when my baby was six months while my DH became the stay at home parent . I was earning double his wage and had been offered a promotion. DH was over the moon to be able to be home with our dd. Family and so called friends called me a bad mum, heartless, emotionless and even said how sorry they felt for poor DH.

anyway I got the promotion. I’ve worked hard. We were able to buy our lovely home. DH went back to work part time when dd started school and also studied for his dream job. He’d of not been able to do that while working full time. I financially supported us through his studies. He’s now been working in his job very happily for 15 years and now out earns me.

we did what was right for our family.

having my little girl at 42
and exclusively formula feeding.

Only on MN though are these two things judged

I still feel very judged for choosing to cut family members out of my life. My dad being one of them, as somehow no one could believe he could have treated me horribly enough to be done.
Always baffles me this judgement for choosing yourself over "blood". Nah

Joining Tinder after leaving an abusive marriage. Had been single for about a year.

Now married to the most amazing guy and we’ve been together 10 years after meeting on there.

Keeping a baby with a man who is only slept with twice, DRUNK and don’t even know his date of birth! 🤣🤣

12 years later and me and my boy are THRIVING

Does he have any contact?

Nope! Found out he has another 2 children that he doesn’t have anything to do with as well 🤣🤣

Sleep training.

Oh no he sounds awful but probably for the best that he has no contact then

He never sold me a dream, made it very clear he didn’t want me to keep the baby. He’s paid me every month on time for nearly 12 years but doesn’t want contact. My son knows who his dad is, I make his relationships with his siblings a priority and it is what it is lol

When I put my first home on the market, the market was allegedly roaring and I held an open house viewing. Only half the number of viewers turned up than the agents said, and I got one offer at the bottom end of what I wanted. As it wasn't urgent to sell, I didn't accept it and took it off the market for a bit before I went on holiday. Some people told me I was nuts not to accept the offer, it was way more than I paid for the house... but I felt disappointed with the agent given what I knew the market was like, and took it back on with a different one.

From one day showing with them I got 5 offers and a bidding war which ended with an offer significantly higher than the first one, so I am glad I stuck to my guns.