Something you were judged for that was actually a great decision?

[worldshottestmom]

Im interested to know; what is something that you were judged for that turned out to be a great decision?

One of many of mine is having kids! When I fell pregnant with my first child, the people I called friends at the time judged me hard. We were all early to mid 20s and they were all about drinking, drugs and having fun. Compete hedonism, as is pretty normal at that age.

It just felt like at that point in my life i was done with all that (23 at the time). I wanted to be a mum, settle down, and live a healthy and productive life. It soon became clear i was not welcome anymore; no more party invites, not more inclusion in whatever they were doing. Eventually just mostly stopped talking to me and spoke to me as if I was 90 and my life was over.

One of them, my closest friend, genuinely sat me down and tried to convince me to have an abortion. Two others made jokes to me about getting an abortion and how glad they were that they were not pregnant, and what a huge mistake it was.

But here I am today, 2 beautiful, wonderful children that i adore and complete me as a person. They make my heart so full. I couldn't be any happier with my decision.

So let's hear it, what about you? Im trying to demonstrate to others that its not always best to listen to those around you. So frequently people rely on others with their problems, which is fine and it's normal, but sometimes its so important to think and make decisions for yourself.

It is on my list of Dating Advice that I occasionally share with the genuinely incredible teens that I have the pleasure of working with sometimes! It's awful when they come to work in tears, or having suddenly drastically changed their style, because of their partner.

Also on the list is, "If they can't accept you as you are/look, they are not the right person for you", and "How do they treat their inferiors? I.e. your sheepdog/pet lamb/favourite calf/tractor? If they are not nice to them, then you and the real love of your life deserve better".

I may be part of the catalyst for a few break-ups, but I always like to think that it's for the best, as those teens deserve so much better!

Waiting to have my children. I’d ended several long term relationship because it didn’t feel right. I met their Father when I was 39. I had DD1 at 41 and DD2 at 42.

I was in a position to take a five year career break after DD2. And then decided to Home
Educate.

So many raised eyebrows. My DDs are 17 & 15 now and I’ve spent almost every day with them. We have an amazing relationship, we’ve traveled the world together and I don’t feel as if their childhood flew by at all.

This is a wonderful thread to read. You sound so much more mature than your friends who took something like trying to persuade you to have an abortion so lightly. I'm so glad everything has worked out for you ❤️

I am the black sheep in my family and judged for pretty much every parenting decision I make... Baby wearing, contact napping, refusing to sleep train, refusing to shame my children.... Etc etc. Guess what?! I have two security attached children. I win 🎉

Same - I hated the 'Oh it's not too late' comments in my early 40s, I've never had the ticking biological clock or thought I'd make a good mother. I won't make old bones anyway so don't worry about having someone to look after me in my old age.

Leaving the UK 20 years ago was not a popular decision at the time but glad I did, would be nigh on impossible now post-Brexit.

Having my first (and only) child at 39. Everyone said I was too old, disability risk, I'd be too tired. My friend tried to persuade me to have an abortion. DD is 13 now and the light of my life. Keeps me young

Leaving my husband. It was six years ago and we are friends now and he has apologised and admitted his part in our marriage breaking down but because I was the one that chose to leave, I was judged hugely. Then I relocated to start a new life and people kept telling me I was brave but also I knew they thought I was stupid however two years later I have the most amazing life and it was the best thing I ever did
Life begins again at 55 🥂

@NormasArse my back story is similar and I am also grateful. I feel stories like yours don't get told enough. My birth mother chose not to keep me and said she never regretted it, although she struggled at times. I had a warm loving family and extended family, I'm so grateful for my birth mothers decision.

Having an outdoor wedding ceremony in the Fall, on a holiday weekend.

I got so many, "Well what if it rains? Won't it be cold?" that I eventually started telling people they were welcome NOT to come, if they were so worried - or to bring an umbrella.

The day was lovely, the lighting was perfect, I was able to have church pews hauled into a walnut grove for seating, and the sunset that evening was one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen. I'd planned that moment in my head since I was a little girl and it worked out exactly as I dreamed.

Of course, afterwards I was drowning in the, "Your wedding photos are going to be gorgeous! What a beautiful ceremony!" compliments😂

Buying a house that is "too big for us". We moved from a flat last year that "suits our needs" to a 4 bed house. One DC at home. I'm thankful every day that we made the move. I lost friends.

I was laughed at by a number of “friends” when I said I was going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. I proved them wrong. Second best thing I’ve ever done. Same people laughed when I said I’d applied to foster. Best thing I’ve ever done.

Changing careers, a massive change at 47, best thing I ever did, apart from being a Mum.

Travelling the world at 28. It’s much more fun than travelling at 58. Buying a house at 25. Leaving a man at 28 that didn’t want children.

Deciding to be a sahm.

It was a really difficult decision as I had a great and fun profession.

It has been very lonely at times - when you make a decision like that people very much look at it in the vein of "well, you made your bed...".

I am so glad I did it though. They are very solid, uni bound, and I don't feel like I blinked and missed it.

It is now my turn - I am getting back out there, and really enjoying the challenge.

Awww that is honestly so sweet! Definition of never judge a book by it's cover. Please let this happen to me 🥲

Omg your life actually sounds perfect. I have anyways longed if living and working on a farm away from city life! It sounds like extremely hard work but I cant imagine anything more rewarding that I would want to do. Kudos to you for knowing what was and is best for you in all walks of life! Im living by the mantra of not accepting anyone substandard to my fabulousness from now on lol love it thank you!

Ooh, a touchy subject for many, but same! And so glad I didn't. Everybody gets to choose what they do with their body. If anyone wants to use the phrase "my body my choice" they can't pick and choose when it applies. Vaccination is absolutely an individual choice and noone can convince me otherwise. Good on you for choosing what you wanted to do.

First of all, I am so so sorry for what happened to your first husband. To have a child so young and be in early pregnancy while dealing with the grief alone whilst raising a child must of been absolutely unbearable. I only wish I could be as strong as you are. I have a friend who was 8 months pregnant when her boyfriend was killed at work. The impact on her was absolutely harrowing and devastatingky heartbreaking to watch her go through. I can't even begin to imagine the pain.

The rest of the post, I absolutely love!! I am so happy you are in such a great place now! You sound absolutely brilliant; hard-working, kind, smart, funny, determined. A real all-rounder. Was literally laughing at you swapping the champagne hahaha. Don't blame him for laughing that's actually hilarious. I love nothing more than rejecting people who were previously horrible that come crawling back tail between their legs, best feeling ever tbh. Loved this one, thank you for sharing it!

I brought a powered wheelchair.
Declining mobility, increasing fatigue (i.e. spending 18 hours a day asleep), astronomical pain levels and a non existent quality of life. I was told that I was wasting my money, if I tried harder, thought myself better, adopted a positive mindset, did more exercise e.t.c e.t.c then I wouldnt need a chair.

Best thing I have ever done. I've got my freedom and independence back. Instead of going to the park, sitting on the bench and watching my kids play I can now join in with them. Yeah, we even play football. Turns out autoimmune disease has pretty much totalled my spine. No amount of positive thinking is ever going to fix that.

Love this one! Absolutely despise how common it is for people to try to convince women to competely abandon the career they've worked extremely hard to build in favour of becoming completely financially dependent on a man. Makes me want to vomit tbh. So glad you stuck with your gut and clearly made the best decision possible! A role model for women to make smart and secure choices in life. Thanks so much for sharing!

Ugh, tell me about it! It's always the "nice guys" isn't it? Awful when they have everyone wrapped around their finger, yet they don't give a second thought to what goes on behind closed doors. So so glad you left him and have met someone right for you, well done!

Not sleep training my kids... they all get there eventually, even the long term frequent wakers who need reassurance for many years at night!

Ooh, interesting one! Everybody seems to think China is North Korea, like, ?????

Everyone i know who has been to China adored it and fawned over how lovely they are and how you get treated with such respect. Have a friend who moved their to teach and now lives there permanently.

Also good for you supporting your child financially to make smart decisions and securing a property of their own. I wish daily my parents had been in a position to do this for me. Why people judge this, I really don't know, seems a common thought process that once your child turns 18 you should boot them out into the wilderness and leave them to fend for themselves, it's utter insanity. I hope that when my kids come to buy their own place I'm able to help them as much as I can financially, because well, why would younot want your kids to be set up for life in the best way possible and have a permanent home? The mind boggles.

I see a lot of people switching up their career later in life and I can only applaud the drive to follow your heart and do what you love/enjoy; it truly is never too late.

Really enjoyed this one, thank you for sharing!

OP I love how you’ve responded to everyone, good for you - so much positivity

much like others really, for getting engaged after 5 months and married a year later at 23 - I’m only 42 now so def wasn’t the done thing in my circle 20years abo but here we still are

having a homebirth (and then another one) I was judged so heavily for that (particularly by people who hadnt even been pregnant) AND then everyone assumed I’d judge them for having hospital births. I don’t - I think every woman should be informed and educated on their choices and have the option to give birth where they will be and feel safest. For me, it was 100% the right choice and my births were genuinely empowering and amazing (and quick)

Ugh can relate to this so much. I had that same feeling and did have for years. Like nothing in particular is wrong, but its just not, enough? It sounds awful to say, and it's not that the person themselves is necessarily not enough, its more that the life with them just doesn't fill your heart and soul with the abundance it craves, right? I know who I am and I know what i want. I know the kind of home i want, kind of family I want, the kind of life. Sometimes people just realise they don't want all that and are happy with what they have, and others just don't. I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more and people who dismiss those feelings or try to make you feel bad for them just aren't the people for you; they just don't understand.

Im so glad you chose to go with your gut, despite the fallout, because imagine how much you would regret not living the life you knew was right for you. Thank you so much for sharing this, really resonated with me.

God I love women like you! You know what you want and you don't care what anyone thinks, you're gonna do it, and you're gonna get it.

Would like to add i can't think of anything worse than going on school mums nights out and being involved with PTA. Works for some people but for me i just die a bit inside at the thought of it, despite judgement for not doing any of that kind of stuff.

Good on you for knowing yourself and being a go-getter. Thanks for sharing!