Something you were judged for that was actually a great decision?

[worldshottestmom]

Im interested to know; what is something that you were judged for that turned out to be a great decision?

One of many of mine is having kids! When I fell pregnant with my first child, the people I called friends at the time judged me hard. We were all early to mid 20s and they were all about drinking, drugs and having fun. Compete hedonism, as is pretty normal at that age.

It just felt like at that point in my life i was done with all that (23 at the time). I wanted to be a mum, settle down, and live a healthy and productive life. It soon became clear i was not welcome anymore; no more party invites, not more inclusion in whatever they were doing. Eventually just mostly stopped talking to me and spoke to me as if I was 90 and my life was over.

One of them, my closest friend, genuinely sat me down and tried to convince me to have an abortion. Two others made jokes to me about getting an abortion and how glad they were that they were not pregnant, and what a huge mistake it was.

But here I am today, 2 beautiful, wonderful children that i adore and complete me as a person. They make my heart so full. I couldn't be any happier with my decision.

So let's hear it, what about you? Im trying to demonstrate to others that its not always best to listen to those around you. So frequently people rely on others with their problems, which is fine and it's normal, but sometimes its so important to think and make decisions for yourself.

Removing my school refusing child from school. I was told that I was wrapping him in cotton wool and that he would never be resilient or be able to leave home and would never achieve academically and that I was failing him. This was by most people including the school, family and friends.

Now, having done better acadmically than most of his 'schooled' friends he's in his second year at UCL living his best life and being thoroughly independent.

Oof, loved the ending to this! Good on your daughter, bravo to her for standing up for herself and her children. You dont mess with mama bear. God damn love it when pathetic people like that come crawling back with their tails between their legs only to get told to piss off. They deserve nothing more. Glad the kids agreed too!

Wow that is so sad that anyone would say that to you. Homeschooling isnt for everyone but when its right, its right. Id love to be able to homeschool my kids, and suspect I may have to with one of them. Would like to add the school are always dead set against homeschooling cos they lose their big bucks funding per child when that happens, its all the truly care about ive found. Well done you for not caving and doing what you knew was best by your son!

Not sending my kids to nursery (because they “needed” to socialise and “be around other kids”) but I am extremely glad I didn’t and worked out for the best

Hey, when its love, its love. You knew it, he knew it, and nobody else had a clue. So glad it worked out for you and youre still so happy!

Honestly dont blame you! Dudnt send mine to nursery until they were 2. So many people, one in particular, berated me for not sending them sooner. As you mentioned, the usual "they won't get socialised" etc comments. They both love it there now and its really helped my son, but it really just is not for everybody and I wish people would just leave that alone. Why do other people care whether or not other people's children go to nursery or not? It really makes no sense to me like you are not the one raising them, stop trying to make parental decisions.

Glad you stuck with what you knew was best for your kids, everyone's different. I miss mine when theyre not here lol

Mine never went at all. People are weirdly judgemental about it, but all the things in the news make me extremely grateful mine never went!

Dating the seriously hot, hard partying and chaotic but notoriously commitment averse captain of the university rugby team. I didn't know him from Adam, but turned out he had a dozen girls after him and a string of very, very brief flings in his past all of which he'd ended (badly). Total bad boy cliche and everyone warned me to steer clear.

Except I didn't. At the end of our first date (which admittedly lasted the whole weekend and he'd behaved like a complete gentleman) he very seriously informed me that we would be getting married.

Turned out he was a secret romantic, a complete teddy bear and 100% loyal once he'd found the right girl.

Been together, so happily, for 35 years now and he is the best man I have ever known.

It's a long one, but... I abandoned my A-Levels, degree and my "'proper" job, and did the unthinkable thing of going into farming.

I'd wanted to study agriculture when I left school, but was told, "No. Farming is not a Proper Job. You will do your A-Levels, get a degree and a proper job"... and in short, I was going to grow up, live in the village where I had grown up and couldn't set foot outside without bumping into a family member, marry a nice local boy (to the point that they tried palming me off on any single male around my age) and have two children. Alas... I crashed out of the Proper Job with a nervous breakdown. I don't remember much of that time, apart from lying on a bed thinking, "I did as I was told, and it didn't make me very happy. Perhaps, if I did what I'd wanted to do in the first place, I'd be happier, and be more able to cope".

Now that I had access to a car and my own bank account, nobody could stop me when I signed up for agricultural college. I got part-time farm jobs on the side. I learnt to milk cows, sheep and goats, how to shear sheep, how to help with difficult lambings or calvings, and general farm maintenance. I learnt to drive JCBs, quad bikes and tractors (not much difference to a car, except that I can see over the bonnet). I was given a puppy (accidental litter), who turned out to be an excellent sheepdog/cattle dog, and a big fan of riding quad bikes. I now live far away from the village where I grew up. I'm permanently single, and will not accept anyone who is substandard to my fabulousness. My family are not fans of me working on a farm, but it turned out to be the best decision for a girl who grew up in middle-class suburbia! I might look filthy and smell horrendous to you, but I am SO much happier!

You get one shot at life. Don't let other people ruin it for you. You should make the most of it, do everything that interests you, and make your time on earth as happy as you can!

Not having the covid jab.

Initially for marrying my DH within a year of meeting, then for having our 1st 10 mths later, when he was killed in an accident when DS1 was 7 months and I was barely a few weeks pregnant on DS2 I was then judged firstly for being pregnant again so soon and then for not taking their suggestion on board to terminate that pregnancy as at not even 21yrs old I was setting myself and my children up for a miserable life and existence and would amount to nothing.

I thoroughly enjoy the few occasions when I'm now in their company as 10yrs later, I'm married to the most amazing man, we now have 5 amazing and adorable boys and through a mixture of luck, fortune, my ability to spot business opportunities and work my arse off making them succeed I have done very well for myself and my family.
I also enjoyed refusing to employ her equally obnoxious son and refusing to allow her and her stuck up daughter the use of our holiday home abroad.

What I enjoy most though is decanting cheapest of cheap fizz into an empty expensive bottle of champagne (she's only used to the best dontcha know???), serving it to her and her alone and listening to her wittering on about only being able to tolerate the "good stuff" as it's all she's ever been used to. DH has to be warned each time to behave because every time she starts he needs to leave the room before he gives it away with his hysterical laughter.

@TheeNotoriousPIG

I'm permanently single, and will not accept anyone who is substandard to my fabulousness.
This has made my day.
Lovely thread and your responses OP are wonderful too.

Giving up a career to be a SAHM and not going back to work even though our children are 17+

Being vegan

Cutting my parents out of my life

Having a second home in Cornwall and also having other properties that we rent out

People find something to judge no matter what you do, you just have to take no notice and live your life.

Going back to work after having dd. My (now ex husband) had a great job and was keen for me to be a sahm. Everyone was telling me to stay at home and raise dd. Why would you pay someone to look after your child when you don't have to? I've always been very independent, and it didn't sit comfortably with me to not have my own source of income. Well by the time dd was two, exH starts complaining that he's not entirely happy, and by the time dd was four we'd separated. I'm so glad I didnt listen to everyone and i maintained my own income or it would've been an even bigger nightmare than it was.

Getting divorced from mr nice guy no one knew he wasn’t nice!
Meeting someone 10 years younger. There was a whole lot of reasons it should not work apparently. But it has…

Leaving a job that I had worked towards for my whole career. I dropped my income considerably when I left and lots of people thought I was crazy to walk away. But I was being treated badly and was very unhappy. My physical and mental health were suffering and I decided that no amount of money or status was worth that. I have not regretted it!

God I love these threads. Things are changing for me right now and I don't like change - but this is all making me feel excited for the future, whatever it may bring. Thanks for all the posts.

Very drunkenly having casual sex with a colleague, four weeks into a new job I’d moved hundreds of miles for.

We’re still very happy together, 23 years later.

Going to work in China. A lot of people were like 'Oh! Dangerous, communist country. Terrible food! You'll be sold into white slavery. They hate foreigners.' Etc, etc. The very opposite was true. It was the absolute experience of my life and if I could, I would move there permanently. Lovely people. Lovely country.

Giving my adult DC the deposit for a flat 15 years ago. I couldn't really afford it, but they had no security in the private renting sector and the deposit enabled them to have somewhere safe to live. It has meant that they are now in a position to move up to a reasonable sized house when all their peers are scrabbling round, trying to find first deposits or looking for private rental.

Becoming a teacher as an adult who had worked in industry all my working life up to early middle age. It has been the making of my life. I love it. Yes, it's been impossibly hard, with 70-80 hour working weeks while working in UK schools, but it's given me the skills to move over into being self employed, which I regard as being semi retired (despite working 40-50 hours a week) because I set my own hours and can work less if I choose.

Moving to the countryside. Apparently teens can only gain independence if you live in a city or large town. All the teens around here seem to love it though and as a family we feel safe and happy. Being surrounded by nature and able to walk into the forest without driving anywhere is fabulous.

Absolutely lovely thread, love hearing everyone's stories!
Mine in comparison is a bit average:
Breaking up with a lovely, kind, hardworking man, been together 7 years, got on extremely well, house, all of it.
Everyone was shocked and said 'Are you sure?'
And I understand why, I do.
But we were not without our problems and my gut had kicked in that I would regret continuing to build a life that was perfectly nice, but just wasnt big enough for me. I see people say 'she was so selfish, her life wasnt exciting enough so she hurt a nice man' on here (normally about their ex SIL) and i think... you only get one go round. And would you really want your loved one to be in a relationship where the other person feels every day that they have made their life smaller to fit into it? I wouldn't.
Have not regretted it a single day since.

Having two babies at uni and graduating with my cohort.

Not taking the scholarship- went in a different direction career wise.

Leaving London for up north.

This also for me. I always wanted to work. Because I did, I'm in a brilliant place financially despite divorce. My mother and friends are NOT in my position because they allowed themselves to be either SAHM or taking small, part-time jobs to fit in with family.

I am very very thankful I didn't do that.

Having sex as a teenager. Boys were applauded but girls were criticised.
Going back to.work after maternity leave. I loved my job.
Minimal involvement in kids school, eg avoiding mums nights out, and not getting involved with PTA
Going part time when it suited me.
Training for a marathon on a family holiday leaving kids for mornings with relatives.
Travelling for a month and leaving my husband to hold the fort.
Taking mounjaro

Basically I meet disapproval any time I have my own agency and behave like a man freely does.

No regrets!

I had a cousin tell me "But seriously, Weary, what good did going to university do you."

At the time, I was his daughter's English teacher. He and his wife refused to let their daughter go to uni.