What do you do when a conversation goes like this?

[TFImBackIn]

I was at my SIL and BIL's this weekend, just the three of us. I really love them and have known them both for decades, but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated by this sort of conversation:

SIL: My granddaughter plays with some magnetic tiles. They're really good.
Me: Mine has those, too. (They're both the same age.) They're great aren't they?
SIL finds them on Amazon: This is what they look like. What happens is you connect the tiles together.
Me: I know - I've been using them for months.
SIL: The way they work is that they're magnetic.
Me: I know!
SIL: So it means the children can make all sorts of shapes... (Proceeds to show me tons of photos of her GD playing with them.)

Am I at fault here?

Also my BIL is at it...

BIL before I went on a trip from their house: I've got one of these things... a charger that you can take with you on a journey.
Me: Yes, I've got one of those. They're good, aren't they?
BIL: The way it works is that you plug your cable into it (proceeds to show me) and it means you never run out of battery.
Me: Yes, I've had one for years. They're really useful.
BIL: And it will charge three phones... (bangs on and on about it)

I don't know what I'm meant to do. Should I pretend I know nothing about whatever it is they're talking about? Is that what they want, to be able to pass on information?

It happens time and time again. It's as though they can't hear me (but I know they can) and just want to tell their story.

I used to have conversations like that with my neighbour. She was unable to understand the idea of a conversation which exchanges information back and forth. She ocould not follow simple instructions. She had to give up living on her own and go live with her daughter. I dont know if she ever got a definitive diagnosis but there was clear evdence of cognitive decline.

That sounds really annoying 😂

InLawsplaining.
It would drive me potty and I'd probably be rather pointed in my 'I've just said that I know this, so why are you still explaining it to me' after the 3rd iteration.

How about -

OTHER PERSON Ohh, did you watch that film last night?
ME No, I don't like science fiction.
OTHER PERSON Well it was really brilliant, Tom Cruise was this bloke who....
ME Ahhh, no, you see, I didn't watch it because I'm not interested in science fiction.
OTHER PERSON Yeah, but this one's really good because Tom Cruise is on a space station and the Dark Warrior Princess is......
ME I genuinely loathe all science fiction. It bores me to tears.
OTHER PERSON Well you need to see this one because it's brilliant and when Tom Cruise is in the supercharged throttle rocket......
ME [wanders off sighing]
OTHER PERSON [to my departing back] Honestly, you'd love it. I can lend you the book if you'd prefer it to the film.

@FinallyMovingHouse InLawsplaining😂

@TFImBackIn you hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph

They just want to talk and they want to say what they want to say

I have this problem a lot with my elderly mother and also my father before he passed. I really struggle with it because occasionally they'll drop something important in - when I've completely tuned out!

I think it's happening with people who aren't elderly now. Someone here explained it as people having two modes - one being "transmit" and the other being "receive". So essentially people talking at each other with no conversation in between. I presume there's a link with technology there.

No technology involved with these two, though. No social media or excessive scrolling or anything like that.

Another conversation:

SIL: On Tuesday we went to...
BIL: London
SIL: We went to London
BIL: On Tuesday we went to London
SIL nods: On Tuesday we went to London.
Me: What did you do there?
SIL: Nothing much.
Me: bangs head.

There was one time I visited when they were both talking at the same time - honestly, it was as if nobody else was in the room. In the end I just shouted, "Who am I meant to answer?" They both sulked.

I've tried that many times and it's as though I've said nothing.

Just nod and let them say what they want. Ask them a question about it. Use the time to eat another biscuit.

How old are they? Sounds like conversations were with my 90yr old gran when she got housebound and isolated. (And a few marbles missing…)

Take a book and read while they’re talking?😂

Boring lives..
My mil used to give us the run down of her bowel movements.. Then wondered why I was never hungry during visits.

My ex used to do this all the time.

him - do you hear about x in the news?
me/ other person - yeah I saw/read that
him - so what’s happened is…….
me - yeah I know, I read the news
him - and it was all because….
me - I KNOW, I read the same news 🤦‍♀️

They do sound perfect for each other, at least.

Or

him - have you ever seen the movie xxx?
other person - oh yeah I seen that last year
him - yeah it’s really good, what happens in the movie is……
other person - I know, I’ve seen it, just last year 🤦‍♀️

I think we have the same in-laws 🙃🤪
I've had this, different conversation in each ear, can't deal with it at all...

@TFImBackIn sadly they're probably just like that. Tbh my parents weren't that old when it started.

I'm going to have to be very careful it doesn't happen to me.

The strange thing was, they they were out and about a lot and did a lot of interesting things. But for some reason, I would get "I MUST tell you what happened at the post office today" followed by a story where absolutely nothing happened.

on one or two occasions, I asked them to repeat what they said...because I was convinced I had missed something.

I hadn't.

then I wondered "is it me? Do I have unreasonable expectations of conversation?"

in the example you gave, I think they feel you've stolen part of the conversation by already knowing what they were going to say.

Now I say "I know" at the end. Or I don't say it at all.

It's a total lack of curiosity about what's in the other person's head. Treating people like NPCs (as the kids would say). Must be lonely actually.

I hold on to the people who can have a two way conversation, they're special and quite rare. The joy of a follow-up question after you've said something!

You’ve reminded me of dh’s old aunt, saying, ‘I’m only doing little bits of poos. Do you think it matters?’
(Asking me.).

I find most men like this. It's like you are a walking, talking 2-dimensional cardboard cut out, that has arrived on their solo planet just to listen and serve.

I think I must have done too much online dating (it doesn't go much further than a coffee generally).

My mother is like this. She's on permanent send and it drives me mad. Constantly transmitting but never actually engaging in a dialogue. I can see the cogs turning between statements as she formulates the next one. I don't see her very often as it's both exhausting and frustrating, and seems to be worsening with age.

This sounds very much like my AuDHD son. He doesn't seem able to process the information you give him whilst he's also holding the next thing he wants to say in his head. You just have to let him tell you all about it and then nod. Mind you, he is only 6 so I'm surprised that a fully grown adult hasn't learned to mask this by now.

Yes some people are stuck in transmit and unable to receive! I have a good friend like this, (I tolerate it because she’s such a kind generous person.) My Fil is also stuck in this mode but I suspect that’s his age - he’s 94!

Are you bringing much to the conversations? Maybe they are just trying to find something to talk about.
In the example in your OP I would have given more to the conversation. I think your responses were a bit rude and shutting it down. You could have spoke about the shapes your DC had made and moved it on to talk about other toys your DC like, where you got them from etc.

This has the potential for a very good comedy sketch but appreciate it's not funny for you, OP.

My reply would be 'no shit, Sherlock'.