What do you do when a conversation goes like this?

[TFImBackIn]

I was at my SIL and BIL's this weekend, just the three of us. I really love them and have known them both for decades, but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated by this sort of conversation:

SIL: My granddaughter plays with some magnetic tiles. They're really good.
Me: Mine has those, too. (They're both the same age.) They're great aren't they?
SIL finds them on Amazon: This is what they look like. What happens is you connect the tiles together.
Me: I know - I've been using them for months.
SIL: The way they work is that they're magnetic.
Me: I know!
SIL: So it means the children can make all sorts of shapes... (Proceeds to show me tons of photos of her GD playing with them.)

Am I at fault here?

Also my BIL is at it...

BIL before I went on a trip from their house: I've got one of these things... a charger that you can take with you on a journey.
Me: Yes, I've got one of those. They're good, aren't they?
BIL: The way it works is that you plug your cable into it (proceeds to show me) and it means you never run out of battery.
Me: Yes, I've had one for years. They're really useful.
BIL: And it will charge three phones... (bangs on and on about it)

I don't know what I'm meant to do. Should I pretend I know nothing about whatever it is they're talking about? Is that what they want, to be able to pass on information?

It happens time and time again. It's as though they can't hear me (but I know they can) and just want to tell their story.

This is definitely reminicent of 'The Fast Show' 'didn't I, Roy?'

@TFImBackIn when ive had similar i usually just go along with it,

Well, he can probably be forgiven! My next door neighbour is like this and pedantic with it. A trip down the drive to put the bin out has taken me close to an hour before. I just smile and nod. I'm not sure there's an answer to dealing with situations like this other than to avoid them where possible and having a large glass of wine and/or a strong sedative afterwards.

I'd honestly be tempted to ask them if they realise how rude they are being just talking at me like I'm a dustbin. That said I doubt that it would go down well.

There is a book called the Art of conversation you should give it to one of them as a gift. I had a very intelligent psychologist once who told me some people are like a satellite and want to transmit whatever they want to say to anyone, they have rehearsed it a bit and just want to say that,not have a conversation.

A lot of my childhood was like the conversations you have described. My mother, Nanna, and Uncle, would sit around waiting for someone else to stop talking so they could say the thing they wanted to say. even if we had all heard it three times before.

i frequently have conversations with my mother where she will persevere, despite me saying yes i know, and tell me again what we both know she has told me many times.

Buy them the book or avoid them. I personally try very much not to be a satellite. It is tedious having to listen to something that you’ve already been told. Or about a book you have read, or a place that you have been.

Honestly, I’d sing something in a very exaggerated way (maybe Mr Cellophane from Chicago). And when they stop and ask what you are doing say you’re checking that your volume is turned up because they don’t seem to be able to hear you speaking. And that you know about the [thing they are banging on about] because you have one already and don’t need an audio version of the user guide.

People say the rate of ND/autism in children is increasing, as if no-one older had any symptoms and it just appeared out of nowhere.

However, there's definitely many older people who can only info-dump and have incredibly rigid/contrarian ways of communicating.

Sometimes it can be fine, but it can be very frustrating/lonely being on the receiving end.

It seems like often they develop a rigid mental model that certain people are ALWAYS "wrong" or "don't know anything" and that person is then automatically targeted for intense unwanted lectures and monologues and "advice".

@TFImBackIn you could try "Yes, I've got the exact same one, they're great aren't they? Would you like to tell me about yours?" before they start on their monologue. It might be enough to put a tiny pause in their brains where it'll alert them to the fact that yours is the same as theirs. Or they might just think you're nuts then carry on using you to talk at, as usual.

Do they ever interact normally with you?

SIL: On Tuesday we went to...
BIL: London
SIL: We went to London
BIL: On Tuesday we went to London
SIL nods: On Tuesday we went to London.
Me: What did you do there? But where did you go on Tuesday? Why won't you just SAY?

How could you not say this?! With a big

I've got a male friend who does this. He's single and I've told him he needs to ask questions in conversation. He just can't/doesn't. It's either that he can't understand what I mean - despite me always asking him follow up questions - or he can't see the point. Maybe he's only like this with women though, as a pp said, maybe he thinks we're just recepticles for words and penises (ooo shocked myself there!)

I can't watch stuff like this but my best friend absolutely loves it! She drinks a LOT though, especially when visiting relatives.

I need to run away when it happens in real life so I'm definitely not going to watch it on television!

@TFImBackIn the conversation about London, I would often find if I asked my parents about something interesting that they had done, they didn't really want to talk about it.

I don't know if it's something to do with processing. So their brains processed the interesting thing while they were doing it, but once they're finished, they don't want to talk about it? And somehow whatever happened in the post office is something they want to talk about - even if it's just they waited in a queue, got the postage for their parcel... and that was that.

Yep - my father in law once explained the whole concept of Uber to me - I was living in london and had also been travelling round the states using Uber loads. No matter how many times I told him I was a regular Uber user he just went on!

No, it wasn't that. They didn't take any notice when I told them what shapes we'd made etc. They were on a mission to tell me about it and nothing I said would have made any difference.

I had wondered for years whether my BIL is autistic. I think what's happened is they've lived together for so long that she has become like him in the way they communicate. Both are lovely people but conversations can be very hard work. If I start a conversation she will ask questions and be interested. He says nothing. I think somehow he feels it's my conversation and he mustn't speak. Maybe that's what it is - I'm speaking when it's his conversation so he ignores me and just carries on. That's a bit of a lightbulb moment, actually.

You're right, I missed a good opportunity!

You won't be able to resist next time it happens. All you can do is see the funny side, since you can't change them. Milk it and see if they notice...

Goodness you must have the patience of a saint. No way could I cope with this. I’d just get progressively more pointed and ruder the more I was ignored.
Do you have to go? Avoidance might be the best tactic.
Alternatively I absolutely love the idea someone posted above of breaking into a rendition of ‘Mr Cellophane’.

@Brighterthanblue what you say about the rigid mental model is very interesting

I suspect it might apply more widely than I realised before. Food for thought.

Oh god. DP is in his 40s and becoming like this. I hate myself sometimes because I'm becoming increasingly rude to him when he does it, but it's just unbearable multiple times a day. It's like he's prepared a script in his head of what he has to say, but doesn't factor the other person in at all and can't adjust if it doesn't go how he wants it to.

@Planesmistakenforstars It was exactly like that - there was a determination to say what they wanted to say and it didn't factor in who was listening at all.

I've always thought I'd love to hear a conversation just between the two of them.

I only see them a couple of times a year - I always look forward to seeing them but always look forward to leaving!

I realised quite young, I already know what I think - what I don't know is what other people think.

But then half of all people are less curious than average :)

I'd double down and keep it going. The things they're telling you that you already know, respond with 'Ohh' wait and then ask them about it. Eg:

SIL: My granddaughter plays with some magnetic tiles. They're really good.

Me: oh, magnetic tiles? Are they good?

SIL finds them on Amazon: This is what they look like. What happens is you connect the tiles together.

Me: Connect them together! Ooh. So how do they stick together?

SIL: The way they work is that they're magnetic.

Me: Oh! Magnetic! Well, there you go.

SIL: So it means the children can make all sorts of shapes... (Proceeds to show me tons of photos of her GD playing with them.)

Me: How many shapes can they make?

You can make a sort of art form out of it.

DM does this when she’s retelling me a very long detailed story (she has to tell every single irrelevant detail) that I have already heard. ‘You’ve told me this mum’ ‘did I? Well..’ and she continues! I keep saying ‘yes, I know, you told me’ and she still goes on! Bloody infuriating. Nothing to do with age either because she has always done it.

Also - I think you should reverse this next time you see them. Fun.

You - ooh have you seen those magnetic tiles for the DC?

Them - yes, we were telling you last time

You - well you can make all these shapes with them

Then - yes, we have them! We told you about them!

You - well, you get them on Amazon.

Wacth them implode.

How have you not done away with the pair of them?! No jury would convict you

I have a theory, @TFImBackIn - you actually died 200 years ago, and are haunting SIL and BIL - so obviously they can’t hear you.

In seriousness, it sounds deeply irritating, and I would be so tempted to say something totally random and weird, to see if I could get them to listen to me.