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What would make you want to go to a church event (or what makes you not want to go?)

239 replies

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2026 11:32

Either Sunday services, special ones like carol services or social events.

I'm just wondering as our church numbers are dwindling at the moment as a few of the elderly people have died recently, a couple of families have left and nobody new has come for years.

We used to get quite a few people come for our carol service and for the family fun day (barbeque, games and a bouncy castle) but now hardly anyone comes to those things either.

We've got a facebook page which gets lots of views. I'm just wondering if there was anything we could be doing differently. It's a bit depressing when you organise an event and hardly anyone comes.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 09/02/2026 16:00

Thank you. We've got a big outside space but no seating permanently outside. We take out chairs if the weather is good for special events. I'll look into permanent outdoor seating.

The building is very old, not sure how old though. It's not got a tower or bells so not sure if people would be interested in the architecture but I can definitely find out some info about the history of the church and print it out for any interested guests.

I had a chat with the clergy and they wanted to scale down the fun day because not many people came last year. Personally I think we should make it bigger to attract more people, especially as most of the people who came last year were teenagers and they tend to have higher expectations than little ones.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 09/02/2026 16:09

Forgot to add, the clergy were reluctant to use the building as a community space or let the hall out more than we do because the only current users don't tidy up after themselves.

OP posts:
HazelMember · 09/02/2026 16:11

LoftyPlumLion · 09/02/2026 12:14

threaten everyone with eternal damnation in a pit of firey pain should improve things.

That statement says a lot about you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

mindutopia · 09/02/2026 16:16

I’m not Christian so pretty much nothing makes me want to ever go to church. 😂

But I don’t mind things that are very community focused with limited mention of Jesus. I’m not sure that’s a fair expectation though.

Boomer55 · 09/02/2026 16:22

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2026 11:32

Either Sunday services, special ones like carol services or social events.

I'm just wondering as our church numbers are dwindling at the moment as a few of the elderly people have died recently, a couple of families have left and nobody new has come for years.

We used to get quite a few people come for our carol service and for the family fun day (barbeque, games and a bouncy castle) but now hardly anyone comes to those things either.

We've got a facebook page which gets lots of views. I'm just wondering if there was anything we could be doing differently. It's a bit depressing when you organise an event and hardly anyone comes.

Hatches, matches and dispatches, I rock up as expected. Other than that, no, I wouldn't attend church.

LoftyPlumLion · 09/02/2026 16:22

HazelMember · 09/02/2026 16:11

That statement says a lot about you.

Does it show my disdain for invisible sky wizard worshipping?

does it show how much I dislike fabulously wealthy churches extorting money with menaces out of the weak and the vulnerable?

a local tax exempt church near me tried to bully people into paying for their church roof repairs even though they are tax exempt while the rest of us are not.

You are right, I find it very difficult to hide my contempt for religions, but it’s all religions, I don’t discriminate.

but still god loves me if I donate enough and grovel and scrape at his feet.

HazelMember · 09/02/2026 16:27

LoftyPlumLion · 09/02/2026 16:22

Does it show my disdain for invisible sky wizard worshipping?

does it show how much I dislike fabulously wealthy churches extorting money with menaces out of the weak and the vulnerable?

a local tax exempt church near me tried to bully people into paying for their church roof repairs even though they are tax exempt while the rest of us are not.

You are right, I find it very difficult to hide my contempt for religions, but it’s all religions, I don’t discriminate.

but still god loves me if I donate enough and grovel and scrape at his feet.

Calling religion “sky wizard worship” doesn’t prove anything, it just signals you’ve already decided everyone involved is an idiot so there’s nothing left to discuss.

Yes, some churches are wealthy. Some absolutely push too hard for donations. That’s fair criticism. But acting like every religious person is being bullied or extorted is a stretch. People give because they want to, for community, belief, habit, culture, whatever. You don’t have to respect the belief, but pretending they’re all helpless victims is just talking down to them.

The tax exempt thing isn’t some secret scam unique to churches. Loads of charities get the same status because they provide services that would otherwise fall on the state. You can argue about whether a specific church deserves it, but “they don’t pay tax so they’re all parasites” is just lazy.

Saying you hate all religions equally also doesn’t make the position more thoughtful. It just means you’ve written off a huge chunk of humanity in one go.
It just reads like someone who’s angry and using sarcasm.

Namechangedasouting987 · 09/02/2026 16:32

We have the same issues! Small village church, with aging congregation and PCC. I advertise everything on the village social media pages, do eye catching posters, ensure all relevant dates are in the village news letter.
We also print small greetings cards every Christmas and Easter with all our events and services on and post them through every village door. It is a labour of love, but we do get good attendance at crib services especially. They have become a bit of a village Christmas Eve staple.
Other things that have worked well are holiday Messy Church sessions (not just term time) for any aged kid, special Good Friday and Christmas Messy Church craft sessions for all aged kids
Dog walk followed by dog blessings with refreshments in the church before Christmas..very well attended.
Donkies in church on Palm Sunday- in fact anything involving animals always goes really well.
Its v tough. Our church is very picturesque and is frequently featured on our village FB page, having been photographed by prof and amateur photographers. I have started commenting on such posts (as the church) saying such things as 'please follow our FB page', 'remember x happening on x date', 'book your wedding now' or even 'we are so pleased everyone loves the church, if you can help with its upkeep with a donation of your time, skills or money please contact us'.
Had some success!

Upstartled · 09/02/2026 16:33

I'm an atheist. Back in the day my Gran would bribe me with a 10p mix-up to join her in church. I don't suppose that's going to help much, op.

Nowadays, I'd go to a community event like a fair but not to a service. Honestly, I do miss something about it but I would be an utter fraud because it's not the worship. I don't know.

StopWindingBobStopWinding · 09/02/2026 17:05

elliejjtiny · 09/02/2026 16:00

Thank you. We've got a big outside space but no seating permanently outside. We take out chairs if the weather is good for special events. I'll look into permanent outdoor seating.

The building is very old, not sure how old though. It's not got a tower or bells so not sure if people would be interested in the architecture but I can definitely find out some info about the history of the church and print it out for any interested guests.

I had a chat with the clergy and they wanted to scale down the fun day because not many people came last year. Personally I think we should make it bigger to attract more people, especially as most of the people who came last year were teenagers and they tend to have higher expectations than little ones.

More people are interested in the architecture of your church than they are as a place of worship. You must open for Heritage Open Days at least? Are you on the PCC? I’ve never come across a PCC which didn’t know about the history of its church and have information available for visitors.

MajorProcrastination · 09/02/2026 17:10

As a teenager I kept up my attendance because I was in the church choir and loved the music opportunities and training that I had.

As a child, we chose our church because the Sunday School was during the service so my parents could engage in the morning mass and we could have age appropriate crafts and stories all in the same time and place, it was convenient.

Our church has lots of ways for community members who aren't practising Christians but do want to be involved in the heritage and care of the building and grounds for the community. So there's no pressure but a well attended and sociable gardening group who volunteer weekly, by coming into the church for tea and cake at the end they see the posters about events coming up and they also grow to feel more comfortable and welcome in what can be an imposing space.

In a similar vein, holding non church events in the space has brought in venue hire AND people who start to feel more at home in the space or hear about when services and other church connected community events and opportunities are on. Things like book talks from touring authors through a local bookshop. Music concerts (male voice choir, brass band, etc).

We had the opposite of a welcoming priest a decade or so ago and he did so much damage to the relationships and connections that his predecessors had built. He pushed away some really vital community treasure in people - the woman who led Sunday School, the woman who ran the midweek toddler group in the church hall (often a good connection for people new to the area to find out about Christmas tree festival, Easter family focused service, etc). It could be worth doing a bit of research into how people feel about the church - just a short google form or survey monkey circulated through local facebook groups.

A church close to where we live and our primary school promotes things like Messy Church and their Christingle service via the school newsletter, the vicar engages with the school about visits, occasional assemblies (it's not a faith school), and they have a youth club (for late primary/early high school) one evening a week that my son's gone to with his friend a few times - I think that only works with the right people involved but this one works well - again, as a kind of gateway community activity.

Music is huge, I know people have their own preferences but being clear about what's on offer is useful. When my grandma's church merged with another I think they had alternate weeks of more traditional hymns with the more lively band weeks - and people opted in and out of what they liked.

We've had a really well attended annual crib service - children are encouraged to come dressed up as any of the characters or animals from the nativity and they help to set up the crib scene. It's good for adults with young children who can't come to midnight mass, and people who are visiting their parents over the holidays often come en masse. Easy, well known Christmas songs work well, it's a lovely thing.

Midnight Mass is well attended as it's a big church in town, it comes immediately after a carols by candlelight concert - sometimes a soloist & organist, sometimes church choir & organist.

We have a community event in the church yard in the spring and early autumn which people like to come to as it's a chilled family friendly event, BBQ, bouncy castle, games, a few stalls inside the church, a local ballet school and community choir perform in the grounds too so we pull in their parents and families.

One event at a local church I loved to go to was with teddy bears zip lining down from the bell tower. You took your own cuddly toy, there was a form to fill in, volunteers dressed as nurses would do a health check on the bears, there was a stretcher that children would carry them on at the end. You paid per bear. There was different music played for each bear and a voiceover from the vicar with the name of each toy and an interesting fact about them. It was a hoot. Really odd and delightful and wholesome. There was a BBQ and soft & hot drinks available. A really lovely family friendly fundraiser. We found out about it from school.

I have friends who didn't attend church as children who have chosen to join churches with their own children as adults, partly because of faith but also because of the sense of community and welcome.

Warmth and friendliness are obviously helpful! And an understanding and accommodating approach.

A friend of mine lives very close to 2 churches in our town and attends one with her children who go to that church school. When she was planning her wedding she asked at their church and it was going to cost her an incredible amount of money (she just wanted to walk to the church, have the service with close family and a couple of friends then walk down the hill to the Italian restaurant where she worked for a meal, it was a low cost, low fuss, super local thing), she felt really upset and went to ask the other church where the vicar gave her a tour and when asked the cost sucked her teeth like a mechanic and said "oo, I'm afraid it will be about fifteen" "as in £1500?", "oh gosh no, just £15, I need to cover the costs of the extra candles, the rest of it's my job, that's what we're here for". And she switched churches for the wedding and Sunday services!

Community events in the church hall that have gone down well: quizzes, barn dance, wine tasting!

Thewonderfuleveryday · 09/02/2026 17:15

I used to attend on high days and holidays. I stopped since our traditional stone, incense-y church went modern and happy clappy, TV screens lighting etc.

God cured some congregation members migraines and depression apparently. I swear the chap in charge is a walking red flag.

JustGiveMeReason · 09/02/2026 17:28

elliejjtiny · 09/02/2026 16:09

Forgot to add, the clergy were reluctant to use the building as a community space or let the hall out more than we do because the only current users don't tidy up after themselves.

There's your issue then.

Yes, having more people in the building is going to mean there is more wear and tear, more maintenance, more cleaning, and, often, more conflict.

Usually offset by more income, more people (and therefore more skills and more connections) involved and more life about the place.

What the Church as a whole need to decide is what their purpose is, or their 'mission' if you like. Do the congregation as a whole feel their Church is part of the community where it is, or not ?

Tonissister · 09/02/2026 17:30

SprogletsMum · 08/02/2026 11:38

I'm an atheist and wouldn't normally attend church, but when my dc were small we used to regularly go to the "fun" church service. It was a weekday evening, close to school and started about 15 mins after pick up. There was crafts, tea and coffee and then a meal for everyone.

This used to be called Messy Church. Our church started one - had about three families turn up for the first one and about forty after a few weeks.

Namechangedasouting987 · 09/02/2026 17:40

@MajorProcrastination
Sounds amazing. Finding the people to do the work is the hard part. My vicar has 3 churches to run. A lot of our volunteers are elderly.
Oh and there are statutory fees for weddings! A CofE church cannot hold a wedding service for £15. Not properly. Without lying to their diocese! Bare min fee is £544 for the service and £39 for banns (a legal requirement). That does not get you ANY extras, we would always have a verger too, otherwise the vicar is working alone, which isnt really a good idea.

ScaredAndPanicky · 09/02/2026 17:42

@LoftyPlumLion churches which are listed buildings were only exempt on paying VAT for building repairs in just the same way that a museum is tax exempt on building repairs if they offer free admission to the public. Most churches contain great heritage that they offer free admission to. However, churches are no longer able to claim VAT back on repairs (although other public buildings still can).
Our local church needed to raise £400k to replace its medieval roof, now it has to raise £500k. Being a medieval church it contains loads of local history which will be lost forever if it has to close. Lots of people go into it whether they attend on a Sunday or not. They hold the village market, history talks, concerts etc. So yes they will put fliers through everyone's door to try and raise awareness, and hopefully some money, as everyone in the community can use the building if they want to, whether they believe in God or not.

LoftyPlumLion · 09/02/2026 17:43

HazelMember · 09/02/2026 16:27

Calling religion “sky wizard worship” doesn’t prove anything, it just signals you’ve already decided everyone involved is an idiot so there’s nothing left to discuss.

Yes, some churches are wealthy. Some absolutely push too hard for donations. That’s fair criticism. But acting like every religious person is being bullied or extorted is a stretch. People give because they want to, for community, belief, habit, culture, whatever. You don’t have to respect the belief, but pretending they’re all helpless victims is just talking down to them.

The tax exempt thing isn’t some secret scam unique to churches. Loads of charities get the same status because they provide services that would otherwise fall on the state. You can argue about whether a specific church deserves it, but “they don’t pay tax so they’re all parasites” is just lazy.

Saying you hate all religions equally also doesn’t make the position more thoughtful. It just means you’ve written off a huge chunk of humanity in one go.
It just reads like someone who’s angry and using sarcasm.

Not sure where I was trying to prove anything. I’m comfortable with my views.

I don’t hate or belittle the lied to, but i have utter contempt for the liars.

charities do not skim off as much as churches, they are a Ponzi scheme, charities don’t demand you follow a magic book which encourages misogyny, homophobia and slavery.

but i suppose you feel i should respect someone’s beliefs? I don’t respect someone who believes in unicorns.

the op said the church was against using the hall for community events because of a bit of litter, blimey that community spirit runs deep. Did Jesus clear up after the sermon on the mount?

Namechangedasouting987 · 09/02/2026 17:49

ScaredAndPanicky · 09/02/2026 17:42

@LoftyPlumLion churches which are listed buildings were only exempt on paying VAT for building repairs in just the same way that a museum is tax exempt on building repairs if they offer free admission to the public. Most churches contain great heritage that they offer free admission to. However, churches are no longer able to claim VAT back on repairs (although other public buildings still can).
Our local church needed to raise £400k to replace its medieval roof, now it has to raise £500k. Being a medieval church it contains loads of local history which will be lost forever if it has to close. Lots of people go into it whether they attend on a Sunday or not. They hold the village market, history talks, concerts etc. So yes they will put fliers through everyone's door to try and raise awareness, and hopefully some money, as everyone in the community can use the building if they want to, whether they believe in God or not.

And here in lies a major issue for CofE rural churches. No money and massively expensive buildings, with huge upkeep issues, not fit for modern use (we have only had a toilet for 3 years, before that we had a portaloo in the graveyard, it took years to raise the money). Everyone 'loves them', I have no end of burial requests, plot resrvation requests, ancestry requests, history requests, photos appearing on social media etc etc because it is a wonderful setting, and people value the building in our village. But no one wants to fund it!

User0549533 · 09/02/2026 17:49

As an atheist who has been to church many times out of obligation, it's frankly incredibly long and incredibly boring. It's always at least an hour listening to how great God/Jesus is and everything feels out of touch with modern problems and society.

The closest thing I can compare it with are "fandoms". Basically there are groups of people obsessed with Harry Potter, people obsessed with Disney, people obsessed with Lord of The Rings etc. So if you love Harry Potter, and someone is talking for hours about fan theories related to Harry Potter, then that's fantastic.

Religion is literally a fandom. If you love it, then good for you. But for anyone who isn't totally into it, sitting through someone else's fandom is excruciatingly dull and tedious. It's basically taking a random person off the street and forcing them to listen to a 2-hour panel talk about Star Trek at a comic expo.

itsthetea · 09/02/2026 17:50

I don’t believe in god and I feel very uncomfortable with organised religion - the harms that have been done and are still being done , the wars , the way that men have written rules and given themselves control and power

and the idea that they are competing- that each religion sees itself as right and morally best - arrogance ?

i go to secular events in church buildings , I will accompany my mother to church when she needs help , but wouldn’t go to anything to support “the church “

sashh · 09/02/2026 17:55

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2026 11:32

Either Sunday services, special ones like carol services or social events.

I'm just wondering as our church numbers are dwindling at the moment as a few of the elderly people have died recently, a couple of families have left and nobody new has come for years.

We used to get quite a few people come for our carol service and for the family fun day (barbeque, games and a bouncy castle) but now hardly anyone comes to those things either.

We've got a facebook page which gets lots of views. I'm just wondering if there was anything we could be doing differently. It's a bit depressing when you organise an event and hardly anyone comes.

Provide food and ask asylum seekers to attend. Food can be a hot meal or a food parcel or even just a few bits.

You can also invite homeless people.

SomeoneCalled · 09/02/2026 17:56

Start preaching the Bible verse by verse, day in, day out
Older people games and lunch days
Crafts and songs for mothers and toddlers
Free art class with real tutor
Concerts with wine afterwards
Bingo nights

JustOnePersonNotAnOctopus · 09/02/2026 18:01

I’d repost on the religion board if I were you.

BelleEpoque27 · 09/02/2026 18:06

I'm an atheist and despise being preached at. Also very anti organised religion, and their attempts to indoctrinate children via school. I've attended my child's school harvest festival and found myself bristling at the religious content (and yes, I know it's part of the curriculum. I wish it wasn't.)

I might attend a community event locally, I guess? But absolutely not a service. It's a shame because I love old buildings and we have a beautiful church in the town centre which I love to look around, but there's always someone lurking, ready to do religion at you. They do sometimes use that church for art markets and cultural events, and they're lovely because they're not associated with the religious aspect in any way.

Natsku · 09/02/2026 18:24

Good music - I really enjoy singing and its something I miss from my churchgoing days. But alas I live in Finland, where the hymns are dirges and no one actually seems to sing them except the one person leading the singing, off key, while the organist seems to hit the wrong keys a lot (I accept this may just be a feature of my local church...) so the only thing that makes me go to a church event is that I have to, because my teenager is doing confirmation school (no idea why, she's an atheist). There's a gospel music event coming up but its only for the youth, which is a shame as I'd enjoy that.

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