How can I stop being too empathetic? (Getting teary)

[CactusRabbit]

Not sure if I'm alone in this, but I feel I'm too empathetic, but not sure how or if I i can change...
I can get teary and emotional talking about things that affect other people.
I was just watching the downhill skiing, and was telling DH about the horrible accident that's just happened, and I started getting teary.

It's obviously not a bad thing to feel this, but I just wish I didn't show the emotions all the time...

I don’t think you can stop it. Unless you’re embarrassing yourself in public, it’s not really a bad thing.

I do think a bit of detachment is healthy. There’s a fine line between showing empathy and emotional incontinence. If you have so many emotions so close to the surface, I’d suggest that is something about you, not really to do with the stimuli that bring them out at all.

Maybe worth examining why you have so many strong, unresolved emotions seeking an outlet?

I actually posted something similar a few years ago. I find myself worrying or feeling sorry for random people. For me I think its wrapped up in guilt. For example if it's lashing rain and I'm driving and I see someone getting wet at a bus stop, I feel bad for them and guilty for being in a nice warm car. Likewise if I see people going in and out of small dark houses or flats, I feel bad for having my lovely house. I've been lucky in life and don't think I deserve it more than anyone else.

i feel sorry for new mothers for all that's ahead of them, for teenage girls and boys and all the peer pressures and social stuff they face, for old people who find every day tasks increasingly difficult etc etc.

Oddly I feel no empathy for sports people who knowingly undertake risks and get hurt!

I think as long as you aren't at screaming in the Sistine Chapel levels of empathy and emotion, you are probably OK! Practically, making my eyes look up stops me getting physically teary and might be worth trying.

I'm the same, however and rather strangely I've worked in professions where I've seen horrid things that humans do (child protection).
In a professional setting my emotions are contained and I can focus on the job at hand, so I think outside of work is my release of all that!

You are not alone in this! It's debilitating. Literally anything sad, happy, poignant or scary on TV or just somebody telling me about it! I wish I could help but I don't know the answer.

I'm the opposite in that I think there must be something wrong with me because I don't cry at things that other people do. Of course I can feel empathy for people and recognise when situations are tragic and awful and feel sorry for those it affects but I don't feel emotional about it myself.

I've no idea, I've tried for years to find a way to stop being so emotional, stop crying at things etc but nothing ever works. I will still get teary over things I read/heard about 20 years ago if I try and tell someone about them.

This is centering yourself in other peoples lives
Them standing at a bus stop is literally nothing to do with you, no need to feel guilt
I think it comes from childhood issues

Therapy can help and is very freeing

Look up the term highly sensitive people.

My DD is like this, she seems to literally feel other people’s feelings. She is incredibly kind and empathetic but I was really worried about her going through life like this. Read a book about this and it’s a very common thing and there were lots of suggestions on how to help these people thrive.

I am the same.

Can I ask what the book was?

I have felt this a lot less after healing from my abusive childhood. I had patterns that made me feel responsible for other people's feelings, as I literally was put in that position as a child. Also I wasn't allowed to stand up for my own feelings.

With time and distance I was safe enough to see it clearly and develop self-protection, especially a clear line bewteen what's mine to deal with and what isn't mine

Also to add - I suspect over-empathy for others comes from a mind that's desperate to have understanding and kindness from itself. It's ok, often necessary and not selfish to empathise with yourself

I'm like this, OP. It's embarrassing and I have to really fight to control it.

I have adhd and have always wondered if it is linked to that in some way. Emotional dysregulation and all that.

My empathy tears dries up with the perimenopause, moody hormones all those years!!

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack ah I have AdHD too!

I tend to tear up if I'm recounting a happy story. I try to channel my inner newsreader who can't possibly lose it.

(But then I remember Martine Croxall when Prince Philip died 😬)

Coming on to say this. Not sure if you have any other ADHD symptoms (and it presents very differently in women to men).

Being highly empathetic and sensitive is part of this. You just feel things more deeply and can’t regulate emotions. I don’t think it’s anything you can change. It’s quite exhausting though.

Thanks for the replies. It's a relief to hear it is something quite common.

Thanks for the replies. It's a relief to hear it is something quite common.

I think trying to regulate your nervous system can help though. So meditation, yoga, deep breathing. Accepting the need for rest and downtime.

Oh and hanging out with similar people. I had a big clash with one of my friends recently who is the opposite an can be very cold and clinical

I have a friend like this and honestly it’s quite wearing. She will say things like ‘ Oh I am so upset. I feel so sorry for Marie ..” and you steel yourself for something awful and then she’ll go on about how Maries cousin is ill and you think “ Ok thats sad but not really worth telling me. Ive never met Marie” . Or she’ll text me about the things she’s crying over …her son’s friend has won a sporting medal etc.

I just never know how to respond to this because I feel she;s looking for a emotional response from me too?

So sorry OP I cant suggest what you do about it but I think you should try to make sure you dont share it too much with others!

@Delatron I think I must be your cold and cynical friend!😁

😂. To be fair I don’t sound as bad as your friend and I try and keep it under control. DH gets the brunt!