Let's compile a post of unwritten social rules.

[ScarboroughFairy]

If you rarely ever offend anyone how do you do it. Over the past few years I've learned about the social rules of never complaining, never giving an opinion, not talking about yourself and never grassing.

I was at a gig where someone had a phone call. Baffling

(It was quiet enough that she could take it but it still makes no sense)

Don't start eating until everyone has their food.

This one's a bit tricky when it's hot food and it's taking a long time for everyone to get served. When I'm the one who hasn't been served yet, I urge the others not to wait. When it's the other way round, I wish more people would do the same for me. I hate sitting on my hands while my meal gets cold.

When walking on pavements along roads, walk on the side facing oncoming traffic so you can see if some muppet looks as if he's going to mount the pavement, giving you time to take evasive action. Same "rule" applies on roads with no pavements, i.e. country roads.

I'd say that country roads are a bit different, especially as they're mostly single lane (at least where I live). Sometimes, the safest thing to do is walk on the outside of a bend, even if that means walking on the other side of the road.

But do it in private and NEVER at a dining table 🤢

I did once wait and was told I shouldn't wait for everyone else (it was something hot)

If you're in a large group, go single file so that the rest of us aren't forced to walk into the road or a wall

Don’t use your speakerphone in public. You’re not on the fucking APPRENTICE

I was at a play (The Importance of Being Earnest) and the woman across the aisle from us answered a call!!

When in the audience of a musical play dont sing the words to any of the songs - yes even if you do know all of the words . This is only acceptable when and if it is a special performance for audience participation and has the words on a screen so everyone can join in.

When in a theatre and you are in the middle of a long row please exit via the shortest side. Do not stop halfway to ask your still seated complanion if the want anything from the bar.

We went to see Wicked, the musical not the cinema, in London. At the interval, the family in front of us went out and got McDonald's, which they then proceeded to eat as the second half was starting. Can we agree, no fast food, telephone calls, singinging along or chatting at the theatre!

This one's a bit tricky when it's hot food and it's taking a long time for everyone to get served.

In this case I think the good manners is to tell people to go ahead.
But just digging in without acknowledging no one else has their food is rude imo

@Arran2024 WTAF? Why did the staff even let them in? That's awful.

Some that have taken a while for my autistic brain to work out:

If someone tells you something, don't share your own similar experience to show you can relate, NT people view this as one-upmanship

Ask people how they are/ what they've been doing, even if this is blindly obvious or they already told you their plans.

If you know someone for a few years don't mention it if they tell you the same anecdote several times and try to act surprised at the ending. NT people tend not to pay as much attention to what they're saying or remember conversations they had after a few months.

On a similar note, try not to mention anything about them they told you more then 6 months ago (eg. They don't like their cousin Simon). NT people might no remember telling you, so will find to creepy that you know.

Try not to correct people more then once in a conversation, unless it's a potentially harmful mistake. If they keep saying things that are incorrect, just nod, smile and disregard.

If someone offers you something you can't eat, say your not hungry, and eat after you've left. Don't tell them you don't like it or ask for something different.

Would someone please explain to me what is wrong with headphones? I wear them all the time and now wonder if I’m committing a terrible faux pas. I’m trying to keep my taste in audiobooks and music to myself and thought this was a good thing🤔

In my case, I mean I want people to wear headphones as I don't want to hear their music, videos or chat.

Fine to complain when warranted but ensure it’s proportionate and if the other person taking your complaint is personally responsible that you indicate that you are aware it’s not them it’s x. Fine to give opinions but not to imply your opinion is better than anyone else’s, and absolutely fine to report someone whose done something wrong

Use your inside voice all the time and your earphones

Keep your distance from others especially while standing in line .Pushing into the person in front of you is not going to make things go faster.

@Sprogonthetyne

with politeness, your autistic brain as you describe it is over generalising and we “nt” people really don’t think like that, just like I mustn’t generalise that all autistic people are like my dd, please don’t think everyone else fits into a certain box either. And please if you are offered something you cannot eat, just say so, and be clear, we won’t be offended, in fact let me know in advance if you have dietary issues, not just allergies but if you only eat plain pasta with butter just say that, I won’t mind

I think that spending time on MN will attest to the fact there are very few agreed upon social rules! It turns out opinions vary wildly on whether or not asking questions is an important part of conversation; how often one should wash; body hair removal; how to drive and park…etc etc etc. I think the generally agreed upon social rules are don’t kill or physically hurt anyone else, and even they are not universally followed.

Same. It can be so hard, sometimes. Animals are so much easier...

Dh made me laugh this morning when we were coming back from a sauna and steam, he said it was very chatty in one of the saunas and maybe they didn’t know about the unwritten rule that if the sauna is dimly lit then it’s not for talking but if it’s brightly lit the you can chat 🤣 Well I didn’t know this fake unwritten rule either, my thoughts have always been STFU in there unless you are the only 2 people in the room! I did say to him that if it’s a silent/quiet sauna there should be signs but there aren’t any so it’s fair game to crack on. He did muse on this and decided that maybe his unwritten rule should become law 😂

Put your mcdonalds litter in a bin not out of your car window!
Pick up your dog poo.
Put your hand over your mouth when you cough/sneeze
No spitting.
I dont want your dog to jump up at me as i pass you,even if its friendly.
Stop thumping your football against my wall, its driving me crazy, do it on your wall!!
Im grumpy today

@Sprogonthetyne with the first one it would depend. If someone says "my son got x in his gcses. I'm so proud" and then you say "Yes, I was so proud when my son got [better grades]", then yes that would be perceived as one-upmanship, but if someone said "I just found out my dad has cancer" and you said "oh so sorry to hear that- my mum had cancer a few years ago. I know it's a really stressful time- let me know if I can offer any advice on anything" then that wouldn't be one upmanship. So a lot of it is in how the comparison is made and the context.

Animals and science 🙂

A lot of social rules vary with culture, social position and occasion. There are no absolutes and if you're in the fortunate position to choose your company it gets easier. As with children, pick your battles, be patient and polite, if people still choose to take offence, be even more polite...(whilst surreptitiously disengaging for your own sanity...and possibly safety).

Only wipe your nose on the tablecloth if it's really running a lot

Philistine..that's what napkins are for..also for hiding behind as you secretly pick the bits out of your teeth (because the face you pull when you try to do it with your tongue is off putting).