Let's compile a post of unwritten social rules.

[ScarboroughFairy]

If you rarely ever offend anyone how do you do it. Over the past few years I've learned about the social rules of never complaining, never giving an opinion, not talking about yourself and never grassing.

Don’t date your friends ex!

Earphones that fuck you😂😂😂

The no grassing was a criminal code and not applicable to civilians.
But plenty criminals stuck their own in to get ahead or avoid heavy jail time.

That one seems to have been forgotten in the mists of time (or the last 5 years).

If you’re in a queue, leave a gap between you and the person ahead of you. Most people don’t want to spoon a stranger or smell your breath.

And do NOT sit next to me (or anyone else) on the train with your hacking cough, not even putting a hand over your mouth. I don't care how rude I look when I glare at you and ostentatiously wrap my scarf around my nose and mouth. I will still get your bloody lurgy. It's always bloody massive men who do this and look like they will turn nasty if you say something.

Yeah, the “no grassing” one is mainly for EastEnders. And the Krays and stuff.

If it’s a social occasion at someone’s house and the invite says 8pm arrive at 8.15pm. At least that’s as I understand it (white British lower middle class - other cultures may vary).

ETA: if it’s an interview at 11am then arrive at 10.45am (no earlier - go for coffee if necessary).

I'm not in prison or school so the "no grassing" doesn't apply to me

No grassing?! I don’t think I’ve grassed anybody up since I told on the little shit throwing stones at me in primary school

Don't eat popcorn through the entirety of a theatre show.
Don't keep switching your phone on through the entirety of a theatre show (actually, that's not even an unwritten one; you get asked to turn your phone off).

Incidentally, what is the acceptable social rule to manage behaviour such as the above? I'd like to know always seem to get sat next to the disruptive people at the theatre

Get your nose out of your phone and look where you're walking

I don’t relate to one single point of your post OP. What a crappy way to live

Better to say nothing, full-stop. Unless someone has told you they are trying to lose weight, be aware that weight loss might be due to illness, and 'you look well' might be very inappropriate (and is in any case regarded by some as a code for 'you've gained weight').

If you want to pay a compliment, keep it generic or focused on clothes - "You look great" or "I love your green top".

Definitely this! And if you’re young and fit, please consider going upstairs on busy double deckers.

Walk to the left on footpaths/pavements etc, just like you'd drive on the left on a road, then you avoid the left/right shuffle as two people approach each other from opposite directions!

When a couple are walking together on a pavement, the man walks on the side closest to the road to "protect" the woman. (Something my father always did with my mother and myself and something I was really impressed to see my then boyfriend (now husband) do when we first started dating and walking to pubs etc).

When walking on pavements along roads, walk on the side facing oncoming traffic so you can see if some muppet looks as if he's going to mount the pavement, giving you time to take evasive action. Same "rule" applies on roads with no pavements, i.e. country roads.

"No grassing" - irrelevant unless you're a child in a school playground!

Don't start a thread on a chat forum, asking people to compile a list and then fuck straight off.

It's possibly going to make you look rude.

Don’t put your seat right back while on an airplane. Some airlines have disabled this and for good reason there is nothing more annoying.

at supermarkets put the divider thing on after you have loaded your shopping at the tills.

I'm not sure there are any unwritten social rules.

there are definitely legal ones of course. And personally I have a set of what could be called "social" rules, but they only apply to me, though I will admit to bringing to my adults child's attention, if ( very rarely) I feel they've transgressed them. Mind you, they do the same to me. So I reckon it's fair.

so mine, in no particular order (and they aren't exhaustive) are things like

• always be polite to everyone. This only applies if they are polite back. If they arent, use your discretion

• always believe you are better than no one and no one is better than you

• pay your taxes, all of them. It's the price you pay for trying to live in a civilised society

• be informed. It's your civic duty to be informed, even when it's painful,as it surely is now with the world seeming to be in such chaos.

If anyone ever offers you a mint, TAKE IT.

I think that you can do all the things in your OP (except grassing unless there are good reasons). In fact, I think you would be regarded as boring if you didn’t.

The key is that you have to have built up social capital first (i.e. people need to like you) and you need to be aware of context (e.g. don’t complain about the catering when you’re a guest at a private event).

So, I’m afraid you’re still a beginning learner at social rules.

@ScarboroughFairy has this thread gone the way you were expecting?

It certainly isn't what I was expecting

By the way, I'm pretty sure I follow all the social rules and it hasn't helped me. Or I'm just considered some sort of deeply boring person. Actually, that's more likely 😂

Don't start eating until everyone has their food.
Offer water to others before filling your own glass
Don't take the last item before checking if anyone else wants it.
Don't have phone conversations at the table, excuse yourself and step away if you absolutely have to take it.
Hold the door for the person coming behind you.
Don't interrupt
If someone interrupts you, say I haven't finished yet

Don't have a shouted conversation with your friend at a music concert - everyone nearby can hear you and it totally ruins the sound. I have practically given up going to live music because everywhere I go, there are people who, despite having paid a small fortune in some cases for tickets, don't seem particularly interested in listening to the music.