Is work part of your identity?

[Sockskeepmyfeetwarm]

I was previously a teacher. It was definitely part of how I identified myself. I burnt out from teaching and the thing that I found most difficult was redefining who I was from who I thought I was.

I now work in a job which alines with my values so much. I remind myself that it is just a job and try to keep my boundaries in place but I am slowly feeling like it is again forming part of my identity. It is an emotive role and I wonder if this is part of the reason it impacts me on this level. Or are my boundaries not as strong as I thought?

What are other’s thoughts on this?

It is 3:09am and I have been awake for 2 hours so chances are, I am talking nonsense. Happy to accept that view also

Yes, very much so.
I’ve invested so much time and money into my career and I’m immensely proud of what I’ve achieved and what I do.
It’s tough at the moment because my sector is going through very challenging times but it’s only because I love what I do that I’m managing to survive!

Not really. It’s just a job. My work colleagues are great but I would not want to socialise outside with them outside of work.

DH however gets all his validation from his work. It’s incredibly important to him. He didn’t have a loving childhood and seeks a father figure through work.

It’s definitely the case for some people and when they stop (typically retire) sometimes it turns out there isn’t really much to define them other than that. They don’t know their kids, they don’t like their spouse that much, they have no hobbies etc. I’m talking about people with very stressful, time consuming high powered jobs as opposed to vocations.

Not sure really. It definitely gives me lots of good things - money, self-esteem and purpose being the main ones. I find it intellectually interesting and enjoy the social element. But I don’t know if many of my friends really know what I do, they’d think it is just a “corporate” job (which it is) and i certainly don’t go around telling everyone my job title.

Perhaps because my family are all ex teachers or ex Army and I don’t feel particularly proud of being part of the private sector.

I am absolutely not dreading retirement and would retire tomorrow if I could afford it. Travel, hobbies, getting a dog, reading every book in my house … yes please!

It should be. It is for many of my colleagues. But I'm so burnt out that I'd leave tomorrow with a grin on my face and never look back.

However there is a big difference between caring about your work and it being your identity. My life started as soon as I walked out the office door, my job was nothing to do with who I am. As a pp said, we would all be replaced in a heartbeat and I walked away from each job without a single backward glance. Now I am retired I feel like I am truly me.

No. I'm a database administrator, it's easy, dull, pays well enough and is just a means to an end.

People are never interested in my role, it's definitely not a vocation

See, I don't think it should be. I think we should work hard and care about what we do, but it's just a job!

Yes. I would definitely say what I spend my time doing is part of my identify. At dinner parties when I'm introduced it is nearly always meet Dragonflytamer she is a fantastic [ ]. I can't really see how what you spend 35+ hours a week doing can't be part of what makes you you.

Nope. I am disabled and unable to work - despite having good jobs in the past, last worked aged 32, now 45- and it’s made me completely re evaluate my life. In the western world we place a huge amount of value on paid work, so much so that that often becomes our whole personality.

OP did say part of your identity, not the whole thing! You and I are different, though - I didn't leave work on leaving the building, or leave my life behind on entering. I loved WFH because of the blending; I know many people dislike it.

I'm another me in retirement. I give myself projects to keep the 'work' thing going.

I've been thinking about this. I was so excited to get into my profession, worked really hard for it, etc., and my profession is one that doesn't really end when we retire, but I do want a fuller sense of self identify.

There is nothing wrong with your career forming part of your identity. I’m not saying it has to be that way for everyone but it’s okay if it is!

I find that women are often shamed for feeling this way, particularly if they return to work full time after having children. You see it on here all of the time. The comments about how you’ll regret focusing on your career when you’re on your deathbed.
I can honestly say that I’ll reflect on my career as a source of joy and pride and won’t regret the time I’ve dedicated to it at all!

I was a teacher, which was very much a part of my identity.
I am currently a Pilates Instructor, which I have been personally practicing for 30 years , hence it is wonderful to be able to earn a living from my passion.
I think Pilates is even more a part of my identity.

Not for me.

I work in HR and see how jobs can come and go, I always advise people not to make it part of who they are - focused more on the company/organisation than the kind of work they do.

I think how someone chooses to spend a significant proportion of their time and energy does say a lot about them, and define them to a certain extent.

The only problem with this is that it assumes there is a choice.
Some people don’t have the health, intellectual capabilities or educational opportunitites to get a well paid interesting job, they just have to take what’s available to pay the bills.

No. I'm a very task-oriented person, so I've done very well because employers tend to appreciate how efficient I am, and how well I can optimise processes to be more profitable and efficient too.

My CV looks like that of someone who is career driven up until a point. But really I don't give a rats for work.

Not at all. I have an interesting-sounding job, so I'm happy to tell people what I do. But it certainly hasn't shaped me as a person. I think I'd be a more interesting person if I didn't have to work, actually.

100% - I work in the charity sector and do work extra hours etc, I love it and love knowing what I do is useful for society. When I've worked corporate, I have had the same commitment but I haven't felt the same at all. Its a huge part of who I am.

I used to think it was part of my identity. I dreamed of university then having a career more than i ever thought children were on the cards.

My role was creative and AI really shat on that. Having children with additional needs has meant that working has been pretty much impossible. I tried to fit in working as a project worker for vunerable teenagers. I burnt out trying to juggle high needs at work and at home. I had to choose my family.

Now I would take any wfh flexible job doing anything (within reason.)
I am still creative and caring those bits are part of my identity but no one job role is.

Yes, definitely. I recently stopped being an academic, after having done it for 30 years and risen to a senior position. It’s been a year now since I left and if someone asks me what I do, my brain still instinctively wants to say that, even though I’m doing something else now.
It was however a wake up call for me when I left - reluctantly, under voluntary severance. To the institution I had worked so hard in, for so long, I was, at the end of the day, literally just a number. I walked out of the door, after 30 years, without so much as an automated email from the Vice Chancellor, or HR, or anyone in senior management, to say thanks for your efforts, we’re sorry to lose a valued employee, etc. I haven’t been replaced, because my role was made redundant, the place just carries on without me. It’s raised all kinds of difficult feelings, if I’m honest. My advice to younger academics now is do your job, do it well, but don’t think the extra hours, extra days , all the unpaid overtime you put in will be appreciated in the long term. It won’t, so build yourself a good life outside of work.

Absolutely not. I work to live not live to work.

I was a primary school teacher for 25 years and it was very much part of my identity. I loved it until it became an absolutely horrible place to work.
I'm now a part time cleaner and I just clock on, do my job and come home. I work as part of a team but mostly on my own.
I'm happier as a cleaner !
Initially I missed the creative aspects of teaching but I now have 2 grandchildren who are whizzes at painting, baking, science and exploration, so in a way, being a nana is my new identity ❤️

No. But I would find it hard not to have a job/independence, so that is part of my identity.

Funny you say this - my DP has given up work (childcare and managing a renovation project) and I was thinking that I would find this really hard. I know logically it's fine (and I am supportive of him doing it, we made the decision together obviously) but I think I would struggle not working.