Advice please - visiting new mum & taking food

[PlantBased11]

Hi everyone,
Really grateful for advice from people who remember what early newborn days are like.

My best mate is coming home from hospital with new (first) baby tomorrow, had an elective c-section.

She wants me to visit next week - I'll play it by ear re which day. I don't have children so don't know what's best to do/take.

Will prob go over while her husband is at work (he's doing a few 5h shifts a week to drag out pat allowance)

I was planning on making & taking some food she can stick in freezer. Any suggestions? Maybe a lasagne and soup?

I'll pop on a load of washing or do the hoovering if she wants to chill with the baby. Or maybe offer to hang out with baby if she wants a nap, but she might not want to be away from baby?

Anything else which would be helpful? I'll try to piss off once I've outstayed my welcome!

I know i could just ask her but she won't want to ask for anything (but I think she'll appreciate it)

Take your lead from her and definitely don't start doing any of that without asking. My current friend with a baby would be grateful but bemused at any of us thinking she couldn't cook meals or needed help with laundry.

That sounds lovely, just send her a message before you go over ‘got to pop to M&S on the way over, anything you need?’.

Oh OP you’re super sweet but don’t overthink it. I adored having newborn visitors- all I wanted to do was show off my baby and chat about my hideous birth experience. I would’ve hated my guests doing washing or basically acting like they were there to nurse me.

rather than making food how about a fat just eat voucher? I would’ve loved that. You can do it easily online and they can add it to their account.

I really liked cooking when I had a newborn. Amid the total craziness of having a c-section and a tiny baby, it was some normality for me that I really cherished. What I’ve taken as gifts for new parents - and what I did enjoy - was frozen balls of cookie dough that you can just chuck in the oven for 10-12 minutes when you need something sweet. Which was quite often in my case.

Oooh that's such a nice idea, who doesn't love cookies. And she had GD so said she can't wait to enjoy sweet treats again.

A gift card for takeaway was more appriciated here.
And no don't do laundry or stuff if not asked.

Oh I definitely wouldn't do it without asking 😂. But we're v close, she came to mine just after I lost a close family member with a pie, gave me a lot of hugs, and tidied my kitchen while I had a bath.
Obviously I know this is basically the opposite situation with her lovely happy news but I'm saying it's not abnormal for us to muck in together.
Also she hates cooking and cleaning (who doesn't)

I think this is lovely and I know I valued it. I did exactly this for my best friend and she did the same for me. Healthy, homemade meals that I could defrost and pop in the oven were so helpful. I bought some of those little tin foil square tubs with the cardboard lids (old school take away style), so they didn’t have to get out too much and have the same for days! I made simple things like sausage casserole, shepherd pie etc. The first few times she is likely to want to share the baby with you, but my friend/family did end up coming round specifically to have the baby so I could nap- baby refused to sleep without being held so I needed the sleep!

It's honestly only on MN that I've heard of all these people taking food after a woman's given birth.

I would've hated that, due to lack of storage but mostly because my husband cooked any food we needed.

Maybe an Uber Eats voucher to give him a break?

At least they can choose what they want.

I'd ask her what would help. Some mum's like cooking for the break, some batch cook before hand and have months worth of frozen meals, some treat themselves to a order from Cook or similar. Some love other people holding their babies for an hour while they do things, some hate other people holding their babies! Some have babies who nap regularly for several hours, some have babies who sleep in 30 minute blocks....!

A dish of pre cut fruit would have hit hard for me. I had a really low appetite after giving birth and was probably a a bit dehydrated from breastfeeding and having mango, pineapple, kiwi, blueberries etc and melon wedges on the side is exactly what I’d have wanted. Supermarket precut fruit is so disappointing and chopping it all is hard work (or it is for me).

I found soup hard to eat with a baby, personally. If you know what she likes to eat I’d try to lean into that. One of my favourite gifted meals was miso butter onions, but that wouldn’t be for everyone. One useful thing people did was to add cooking instructions with the means so I didn’t have to guess, and disposable serving trays might be easier.

I’ve heard it before apart from here and I did get bought some meals, which I accepted gratefully but honestly I would’ve much rather a lasagne from (the shop) cook than someone’s homemade one.

the thing as is very often it’s like any big life event- the aftermath is fine. I had no problem feeling and changing my baby, getting round the house. My husband did the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. housework wasn’t really that necessary either especially after the nesting cleaning frenzy a few days before 😭

I felt like super woman the first few weeks- hormonal I guess. It’s later that the help is really useful and everyone has gone by then 🤣

That sounds great then!

Oh that's a nice shout. She loves fruit (especially mangoes) and I weirdly love chopping, it's my favourite part of cooking!

@DameOfThrones fair point but her husband, while a lovely man, is a shit cook.

@Destinationundecided I know exactly what you mean re little foil tubs. Good idea. I could write the cooking instructions (which will be limited to how long in the oven) on the lids too.

@toastofthetown miso butter onions sounds incredible. I know what she likes so could make a few of her favourites.

Good point re soup, it's a bit messy!

That's a good point and I will bear it in mind, her husband (he's a surgeon) will be back to work pretty much FT after the first couple of weeks so maybe I'll save my best cleaning efforts till then, lol.

My friend came over with a bottle of champagne and a selection of meats and cheeses. It was wonderful!! I would have hated her to do any form of housework. I just wanted a proper catch up, talking about adult things.

I wouldn’t bring food that needs to be frozen or refrigerated. They might not have room. Takeaway vouchers or brownies (or whatever she likes that has a bit of a shelf life).

@Furlane are you my friend trying to influence the thread? she had a (mini) bottle of champagne in hospital 😂

Is there anything she really likes that she couldn't eat because of being pregnant? Bring that.

DH used to make me bite-sized toast with pate when I was first breastfeeding.

My best friend came round 3 days after i got home with my son. Took him off me and told me to go have a bath.
I was so grateful- if she had asked I would have said i was ok so she took the reins.

@PlantBased11 I love chopping too. It's weirdly satisfying?

My MiL bought me a large latte and a chocolate brownie from a local Cafe that does great cakes. It was brilliant, 12 years ago and I still remember the taste of that brownie after several days eating hospital food.

You’ve reminded me So many people bought me pate 😭 I don’t know why people think anyone would be so desperately missing pate they’d be that eager to get into it 😂

I'm with @Furlane about the champagne too.

One of my friends turned up with lunch for me and her which was great. She also brought be a lovely elderflower cordial as she knew I would be parched as anything from the breastfeeding!

I would have absolutely loved frozen cookie dough, that would have absolutely hit the spot!

I felt really physically weak after my planned c section and needed plenty of nice things to eat/drink.

I’d ask her, I’d have loved a home cooked meal brought over and a friend of mine did do laundry