Advice please - visiting new mum & taking food

[PlantBased11]

Hi everyone,
Really grateful for advice from people who remember what early newborn days are like.

My best mate is coming home from hospital with new (first) baby tomorrow, had an elective c-section.

She wants me to visit next week - I'll play it by ear re which day. I don't have children so don't know what's best to do/take.

Will prob go over while her husband is at work (he's doing a few 5h shifts a week to drag out pat allowance)

I was planning on making & taking some food she can stick in freezer. Any suggestions? Maybe a lasagne and soup?

I'll pop on a load of washing or do the hoovering if she wants to chill with the baby. Or maybe offer to hang out with baby if she wants a nap, but she might not want to be away from baby?

Anything else which would be helpful? I'll try to piss off once I've outstayed my welcome!

I know i could just ask her but she won't want to ask for anything (but I think she'll appreciate it)

Ok, I'm allowed to respond twice? From my understanding you doubled down on being so super/warrior that you didn't need any help. Apologies if I've misread. I hope my friend feels wonderful and is as lucky as you post-discharge home that everything is easy for her, but I'd like to be in a position to help if she's feeling a bit tired/crummy, so it's been super helpful to hear from posters who have talked about what they'd have liked.

First stop, going to look up some good cookie dough recipes!

It’s just a bit tone deaf - implying just because you found it easy, everyone else does and therefore that the OP’s idea isn’t a good one! I certainly couldn’t have cooked properly in the week following my C section when BF a newborn, though I guess people have different definitions of cooking…

I would love to see where i implied everyone finds it easy. Can you quote it?

Sure. Several times, but one example - ‘it’s like any big life event - the aftermath is fine’. That’s a declarative statement, not an opinion from your own experience. It therefore incorrectly implies that everyone finds the aftermath of birth easy. HTH.

No need to turn thread into an argument, if you don't have any advice for me (or if the extent of your advice is that my friend might find it as easy as you did) then that's fine, message received.

I loved all the food we got when I had my babies - all our mates turned up with food - lasagnes, cakes, Haagen daaz, wine, champagne, freshly baked breads, spag bol and garlic bread. We bloody loved it, didn’t have to cook for weeks!

I’d definitely take a lasagne with garlic bread, and a tub of ice cream for dessert… and a bottle of wine.

Missed out a important part of that:

“the thing as is very often it’s like any big life event- the aftermath is fine”

nice try though.

OP I posted 3 times with suggestions for your friend but whatever

Do you not understand what ‘imply’ means? Your posts can IMPLY something without stating it directly.

Something calorific that she can eat one-handed, eg macaroni cheese.

Mumsnet is a bit strange at the moment regarding hospitality.

At my church (bog standard CofE), we get together and provide 2 weeks of meals for a new family.

In the olden days, ie when I was born, women had a 10-day lying in period where they did very little other than look after the baby. It's good to remember that.

My neighbour made me the best lasagne I’ve ever had. Personally I did appreciate people who bought meals but I would have felt uncomfortable with friends doing my housework. Someone bought me flowers and I just loved that too.

I would have appreciated a carrier bag filled with easy snacks - granola bars, chocolate, dried fruit, nuts etc. I had my bedside drawer filled with these as invariably I was ravenously hungry in the middle of the night.

The cookie dough & chopped fruit is a lovely idea. How hard you find post partum boils down to how well you recover physically, and how easy your baby is. We did live on Cook meals as my baby’s witching hour was fairly extreme & we’d have to take turns to eat.

Also, my husband’s aunt swept & vacuumed my floors after asking what would be helpful & it remains one of the nicest things everyone has ever done for me.

The takeaway gift voucher idea is great. Someone did that for me and I really appreciated it. You sound very thoughtful and supportive ❤️

You sound like a lovely friend. I really appreciated a friend who came to visit me with my newborn and said "I'll bring lunch for us all". She brought a very simple sandwich lunch plus picky bits which didn't leave any mess. This was in stark contrast to a relative who said "I'll do food for us all" and arrived with so much stuff that I had no room for in the fridge. She was then making a fuss about where to put it and could I throw something out to make room etc. It was very stressful!