Advice please - visiting new mum & taking food

[PlantBased11]

Hi everyone,
Really grateful for advice from people who remember what early newborn days are like.

My best mate is coming home from hospital with new (first) baby tomorrow, had an elective c-section.

She wants me to visit next week - I'll play it by ear re which day. I don't have children so don't know what's best to do/take.

Will prob go over while her husband is at work (he's doing a few 5h shifts a week to drag out pat allowance)

I was planning on making & taking some food she can stick in freezer. Any suggestions? Maybe a lasagne and soup?

I'll pop on a load of washing or do the hoovering if she wants to chill with the baby. Or maybe offer to hang out with baby if she wants a nap, but she might not want to be away from baby?

Anything else which would be helpful? I'll try to piss off once I've outstayed my welcome!

I know i could just ask her but she won't want to ask for anything (but I think she'll appreciate it)

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime Soooo satisfying. My favourite thing to chop is courgettes, with a nice sharp knife 😍

It's honestly only on MN that I've heard of all these people taking food after a woman's given birth

How sad.
It is very normal in my life.
Not just "my circle", but I know others do too - for example we were chatting, as colleagues about taking food round to people after operations or bereavements or child birth a while back, and several of us were people who did it (and / or had received food).

@PlantBased11 I'd take something that will keep for a few days - casserole, curry, chilli, bolognaise, etc.
Then, be led by your friend in terms of how much she will be comfortable with you doing. that will depend on your friendship. I'd love to have a friend like you.

Yes, unpasteurised cheese, alcohol, coffee, and sweet stuff (GD). I think a cheese board and bottle of fizz might be in order. And PPs suggestion of frozen cookie dough is definitely going in the bank

There's nothing sad about a husband cooking food for his wife when she's just given birth?

The OP has pointed out the new mother's husband is a 'shit cook'.

That's far sadder considering cooking and eating are such basic human needs.

Not in my circle either. My DH is Indian and his family (especially the women) turn up for each other with FEASTS at the drop of a hat. A new mum wouldn't cook, clean or wash for months if their family had anything to do with it. Obviously all cultures do this but it's so normal for him he was like "so X is back from hospital soon what are we cooking for her" 😍😂

'Especially the women'.

It was the same when my mum gave birth.

But having said that, she was born in 1930.

@DameOfThrones I don't think you have to be a good cook to be a good husband 😂
Also he's a doctor and if i were her, I would probably trade getting slightly nicer meals for getting 1:1 free private medical review for life lol. We all have our skills!

It’s a lovely idea, but I think sending a text to check would be nice. She might have a freezer full of food prepared and nowhere to store it.
The fresh fruit idea (ready chopped) would be well received I think.

I see your point obviously but I don't think it's weird (in fact I think it's nice) that it's women caring for their nieces/sisters/aunts after childbirth, surgery etc. I'm not sure I'd want uncle Peter over washing my knickers and combing my hair when I'd just come out of hospital 😂

I would maybe bring one dish for the same day and some vouchers from Cook. Some snacks are good as well.

Not a big takeaway fan but Cook food is nice and they also do single portions.

I've never heard of Cook until today and now I'm intrigued

I think it is sad that some posters don't have friends or family that are kind enough to support any person whose life has suddenly been turned upside down - whether that's for a lovely reason like a new baby or a sad one like a death or hospital stay. In the case of a new baby, both parents will be sleep deprived as well as suddenly having the huge responsibility and steep learning curve most of us go through when we are suddenly responsible for this tiny new human. I just think if anyone can do one thing to make lives easier at this point, why wouldn't you ? It isn't the "man vs woman" thing you make it out to be. I know plenty of men who would cook a meal for people who are at a time of their lives when a helping hand would be appreciated. Indeed, the last new baby I went to visit, it was my ds who made the meal we took round.

I would avoid freezer meals unless you know she has space , mine is always jam packed!

She may have dietary needs, ask first?

I felt extremely physically weak after my C section and would certainly have appreciated some healthy home cooked food. I didn’t cook until about 3 or 4 weeks post section, my DH did it all. If he’s out at work so soon she’ll really appreciate the help. My baby also fed pretty much constantly so I really think a nice meal is a safe bet, and it’s your best mate so you know what she likes. Cookies and snacks for middle of the night breastfeeding were most welcome too.

Personally I’m too private to want someone else doing my laundry!

Did you have a C section? If you did, and really didn’t feel the need for help, you really are superwoman! Most women would need the support, cooked meals for them etc. Especially if they had a section or breastfed — or both!

I love this what a lovely friend you are. Aswell as lasagne and dinners, my sister really appreciated Tiger bread, a few fillings like the prepared sandwich fillers. Easy things to make a nice sandwich. Sausage or cheese and onion rolls. And things you can put on a snack plate and will be good for a couple of hours so she can keep it nearby whilst baby's naps on her etc. You could always buy a tray so she can put tv remote, snacks, nipple cream etc, on so its all in one place and close by.

You could make up a hamper of a mix of savoury and sweet items? You're a lovely friend. Xxx

I had a bloody crash section 😂 general anaesthetic and a blood transfusion to boot 😂 and breastfeeding

I wasn’t superwoman. It was just ok.

but if you read my post you’ll also see my husband did the cooking and housework

You said you felt like superwoman, so I assumed you found everything easy! OP’s DH is going to be out and not a great cook so it’s a different situation.

It was easy. And I was high as a a kite from being such a warrior woman. Not really sure why you’re pulling up the comment, cooking food or putting the washing machine on is hardly the hard part, or even time consuming, after giving birth.

It’s a shame she wouldn’t ask for anything because I would have asked you to pick me up McDonalds and a big box of chocolates. I breastfed so was glued to the sofa cluster feeding and was always hungry and craving chocolate!

Good for you I guess?
Most of us (non super warrior women) like a bit of help when we've had surgery, in my experience.

She might tbf. We live in a big city so I think she'd find it easy enough to order fast food herself if she wants it, hence my thinking it might be nice to have something homemade/a bit different.

You responded to the original conversation that quote referred to already (more agreeably and less snipey, not sure what’s changed)