Therapy for 4 year old?

[inthecornersofmymind]

Hello and good morning!

I am currently looking for therapy options for our 4-year-old son.

Is there anyone in this group with child(ren) of the same age who are attending therapy sessions?

If so, would you mind sharing some recommendations with me?

My choices include Play Therapy or CBT.

I've been considering whether it would be a good idea for our 10-year-old to spend the next two or three Saturdays with just me. I could take him somewhere enjoyable for the day so we can have some quality time together.

Since we don't get to spend a lot of time together on weekdays, I wonder if he genuinely feels overlooked or neglected like someone commented here.

I’m not sure if this is something he will agree to, even though we go out on weekends; he values his alone time in his bedroom.

Highly recommend the book 'hope to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk '. I photocopied some of the cartoons in the book and put them up on our bathroom mirror for my husband to read as he really wasn't going to read a parenting book and you both need to be on the same page. It will help you with how you interact with your child in a kind but clear way. Really useful

I do mornings out 1;1 with both my kids.

I think its nice for them to have exclusive mum time

I agree with others your dh sounds really problematic.

He is showing your 4 yr its okay to disrespect / defy / be obstreperous to mummy.
I dont like that at all....

My mum wasn't the best parent (something she does acknowledge) and I ended up parenting my sister. It's not good for anyone involved.

See parentification.

We have noticed that amongst our friends, first child is often quite nervy and quiet, second child is much more feral and demanding. So this all sounds normal to me.

I think you and your DH need the help, followed by the oldest, littl'un is probably doing just fine.

Without being snippy, yes,I think it would help you. Nothing you describe is anything but completely normal.

Gentle parenting only gets you so far. I was a Big Little Feelings fan girl for a while and then reality kicked in...

Add 'Hunt, Gather, Parent' to your reading list. Many cultures children are just expected to go along with the family, they aren't given choices. This isn't oppressive but rather scaffolding their world. They see their boundaries clearly and they know how they fit into the family so everyone can get on. Children then carry out age appropriate tasks to contribute and this helps them find value in their place in the family.

I have an eldest who has been a dream to parent and a youngest who prefers to rebel. At 3, he's now able to carry out some tasks which genuinely help me and the autonomy is levelling out his rebellious toddler behaviour.

I agree that your H wasn’t helpful, but he’s not actually wrong in this instance, is he? Being blunt, you do need to learn how to parent your 4 year old properly.

I’m also struggling to see what you’re trying to do by taking your 10 year old out alone for the next few weekends (aka leaving your 4 year old with your H). To me it looks like you’re ducking the real issue. You’d do better to go away alone to read the parenting books, and then try to implement their advice.

Does he “value his time in his bedroom” or does he hide away in there because he’s sick of being around your 4 YO’s behaviour and the fact he’s frustrated to the point he has to intervene and step in to do the parenting you’re not?

Therapy for a 4 year old? I wouldn’t think it exists - what 4 year old could communicate with a therapist?

Sound like you need more help with parenting.

Yeah, I retreated to my room as a kid too.

Gentle parenting is one thing but having a kid show you no respect and you bat it away is infuriating to onlookers.

At 10 years old, it's completely normal for him to enjoy some alone time in his bedroom, he isn't obligated to stay in the living/family room.

Our son isn't keeping things to himself; we share a strong bond, and he always confides in me if something bothers him.

I fully stepped back from parenting this evening; my husband handled the afternoon school run.

I told him that it was his responsibility this evening to bathe our 4 and 2 year old. I don't believe our 4 year old was pleased, as he came downstairs complaining that 'daddy had said no to him' and immediately returned upstairs when called.

My husband managed to get both boys settled and asleep in no time, and now they are both in bed together. I feel anxious about this situation since our 2-year-old is typically very attached during sleep and prefers not to be alone.

My point still stands.

Is English your first language? You have a very interesting style of writing.

So your child listens to your husband? I'm. Not sure what the point of your post is otherwise.

Your 2yo is clearly fine too if they're asleep.

Totally normal 4yo behaviour. I guarantee when he starts school he will be a compliant little angel all day long and a total rat-bag the second you collect him.

Yes, he listens to his father.

Thank you for the reassurance; our 2-year-old usually sleeps with us or next to us in his cot.

My son was a very difficult young child. I used a combo of carrot and stick. To get in the car I offered a biscuit which often worked, But I also sometimes had to plonk him in and do the clips while he had a full on tantrum. At the end of the day everyone needs to get to school and work right? TBH I’ve never understood gentle parenting. To me it sounds like not parenting.

I’ve been feeling bad for asking you a question that sounded so snippy and wasn’t helpful. Sorry.

What I mean is, it’s a problem now that a lot of people have no experience with children when they’re suddenly supposed to parent their own.

It might be a good idea for you to spend time in contexts where you see more kids and parent-child interactions, if you can? Toddler groups etc have their point, although also downsides.

No worries, I really appreciate you saying sorry 🙂