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Original poster

Potential Unwanted visitor

73 replies

Flippingheckwtf · 17/01/2026 11:24

This is a bit weird and not sure how to deal. One of my parents died a few years ago. They were friends with this couple for years and we used to go over to their house when I was growing up and play with their kids etc. Other parent has stayed in touch with them since our bereavement and they drop by every now and then. I chat a bit if I see them but I'm introverted while he's very loud and has no filter.

For some reason the man has decided that he wants to visit me at home. My parent mentioned this to me after they'd visited once. I have dogs, he doesn't like dogs but apparently wants to see mine?! It's very bizarre and I kinda laughed it off at first when he mentioned it but he keeps saying to my parent that he'll need to drop in and see me! I wfh a couple days a week and don't want this guy coming over. My parent had at some point mentioned which street I live in just in conversation but once he started saying he'll go over they gave him the wrong house number.

I'm just at parents house now and they saw the couple yesterday and apparently the guy was over looking for me last week! He went to the incorrect house number he'd been given and of course someone else answered.

I think he's harmless just nosey but don't understand this sudden desire to visit my house,
maybe there's some cognitive issues or neurodiversity at play. Parent said this guy is always doing bizarre things. Just not sure what to do if he randomly appears at my door! Apart from say I'm busy. So weird.

OP posts:
EmbroideredGardener · 17/01/2026 11:28

Get a ring doorbell so you can see whose at the door and just dont answer. Id also be quite firm if you do see him "I'll see you at my parents house you don't need to come here" and Id be firm with your parents too that you do not want him turning up and ask them to tell him. It could be a medical issue, but that doesnt make it your problem to deal with

Chamomileteaplease · 17/01/2026 11:32

Your parents should be doing their best to tell him not to as well! Best thing as you know is to nip this in the bud. Is his wife reasonable? Would she keep him in line?

If he does turn up at your house, either don't answer or if you do, in no circumstances let him in or chat on the doorstep. Tell him you are working, goodbye. Don't worry about appearing rude - he is rude to come over uninvited.

7238SM · 17/01/2026 11:37

Sorry, its a bit tricky to work out who is who because you keep referring to they, but I thought 1 of your parents had sadly died? Does this man still have a partner? What does the partner say? Are they also keen to come to see you or just the man?

Did your parent give him the wrong street number on purpose or was that an error? I'd ensure your parent is on board to NEVER give out the correct number, nor any other details- its the big white house etc etc.

I too would be getting a ring doorbell and if he turns up- don't let him in. You are working, busy etc.

Original poster
Flippingheckwtf · 17/01/2026 12:35

Hi yes one of my parents sadly died. They were friends for years through my deceased parent. The man and his wife stayed in touch after, occasionally helping my other parent. His wife has ill health and was in hospital when he went looking for my house last week. I don't think his wife has any interest in visiting, he's just got a bee in his bonnet.

My other parent gave him the wrong number on purpose once they realised he was serious. He knows the area and is sometimes passing by so I guess thought he'd drop in. He'd also gone looking for another family member's house about a year ago, was going round the different neighbours asking where it was!

Ring doorbell would be a good idea but is out of my budget perhaps there's an alternative I could get.

OP posts:
7238SM · 17/01/2026 13:17

I believe ring charge a monthly subscription fee. We have a reolink branded one, but there is also eufy, both of which don't require subscriptions.

Trying to think of all angles on your situation. Does the couple have their own children? A daughter? Could this man have something your parent had gifted them/his wife or something sentimental he might want to give you if they have no children to pass it onto?

Original poster
Flippingheckwtf · 17/01/2026 13:27

Thanks I'll check out those options.

They have their own children including a daughter and several grandchildren! Plenty to keep him busy. Nothing has been gifted either. He's just got it in his head that he wants to visit me. It's not as if I'm particularly chatty and interested in their lives. I rarely see them but am polite and ask after them when I do. Suddenly he's wanting to see my dogs when he doesn't like dogs. Wants to visit my house. I keep myself to myself so only a few close neighbours know me AFAIK so hopefully he doesn't start asking them where I live.

OP posts:
ChocHotolate · 17/01/2026 13:28

He tried to come to see you while his own wife was ill in hospital?
I bet he’d have tried something inappropriate with you. Men like this are creeps and need to be avoided at all costs, yuck

MadamCholetsbonnet · 17/01/2026 13:33

Creepy. Avoid him as much as you can.

Original poster
Flippingheckwtf · 17/01/2026 13:36

I did wonder about that but I've never had that impression. He's given no indication of that before. He's in his 70s but seems quite immature? Always doing random things. My parent said he did something wreckless with his car recently. It might be an age thing. He seems to have no self awareness or volume control. My dogs would probably be scared of him tbh. My house is also quite messy and I hate people showing up randomly. And that's friends and family not an acquaintance like this guy is.

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 17/01/2026 13:36

Did your deceased parent have an illness and could there be something he wants to discuss with you . For example he sees some symptoms in his wife or something like that. My dad is in an nursing home and an old neighbour who Id never been particularly friendly with stopped me recently for a chat to ask me about the paperwork as they are starting the process with their own parent. Could it be something like that

TessSaysYes · 17/01/2026 13:43

Well if he turns up at your door do not be a push over. Say no, and close the door in his face. He's not your friend, right? So don't put up with this BS

Original poster
Flippingheckwtf · 17/01/2026 13:45

They did and it's the same illness that his wife has. But my other parent would have more information than I do. And these things can affect people in different ways so his wife might not have the same experience. I don't think I could assist with anything tbh. And why not ask me my opinion right then instead of appearing at my home unexpectedly when I'm not wanting that.

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 17/01/2026 15:07

If you cant afford an actual ring type you can get wireless doorbells from £35 upwards on Amazon. You dont have to purchase the subscription - thats only if you want to make a record longer than 30 days. You can use it simply to monitor who is at the door. You can also answer and speak to the person without opening. Some have a choice of software which lets you answer in a range of voices like a deep male. That would put off unwanted visitors by saying that "X does not live here" or you are "X husband what do you want". They open on a range of devices so you can also say you are away from home and talking on the phone. "Sorry, bad line...."

I love using my doorbell phone and cctv to watch unwanted visitors shivering out there in the cold while I observe their disappointment at finding no one home. Normally my front garden gate is locked but I left it open yesterday for an Amazon delivery. Two workmen carrying heavy equipment tried to use my garden as a quick way through from the street to the alley behind. The side gate was locked and they were effing and blinding because they couldnt get through. It gave me a feeling of great satisfaction to see that they had to walk all the way around on the public foot path.

Ring doorbells can be a lot of fun.

Chickadee001 · 18/01/2026 17:47

Keep your coat by the door so should he turn up you put it on and say you're just going out!

Plumnora · 18/01/2026 17:56

How old is he? Could it be Dementia? I'm not trying to make excuses for him but that could explain the odd behaviour.
I think his wife needs to know and to tell him you aren't comfortable with this. It's harsh but unless someone- and it may have to be you- actually spells out to him in no uncertain terms that you don't want him there then he's going keep looking for your house. It seems as though everyone is trying to avoid a confrontation but that's not actually dealing with the issue.
But it does seem to me as though he has some cognitive issues and possibly needs an assessment.

mummybear35 · 18/01/2026 18:05

By answering the door, you’re visually confirming where you live..I’d make it quite clear to my parent that they are NOT to disclose my address to anyone in future…secondly, I would be getting a video doorbell so I can view who is there before opening the door. Not just for this man but as a general security protocol.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/01/2026 18:11

You can check whenever someone knocks on the door by looking out of a window. If it's him you just call that you are working and you don't like people calling unannounced.

If he tries to 'make an appointment' you just say 'that doesn't suit me.' If he's always been loud and inappropriate then I'd guess this isn't dementia is a lack of social awareness.

PeonyPatch · 18/01/2026 18:15

Do you think it could be innocent in that they just want to see how you are and make sure you are okay?

Which of your parents died? Was it your mother or your father?

Sorryvfor your loss. I lost a parent a couple of years ago and it’s incredibly profound.

ByTaupeDog · 18/01/2026 18:27

Eufy are great door bells. No subscription. Seem expensive but often on special offer

Happyjoe · 18/01/2026 18:37

Tell your remaining parent you do not want this person at your home, not now, not ever. I'd also say the same to him if you happen to 'bump' into him at your parents house, likely the way he goes to look for you.

Horrible things to go through but if he has no off switch, I fear that you'll be opening a can of worms with this one.

7238SM · 18/01/2026 18:45

I've already commented a few times upthread. Is the wife being in hospital a new thing? Has he been home alone to fend for himself before?

There is the possibility that there is ND, early dementia or something else going on and until now, the wife has reigned him in. Does your parent think his behaviour has changed since his wife has gone into hospital?

MsAnimal · 18/01/2026 18:49

Even if he does turn up you don’t have to open the door.

If you answered the door to him you can keep him on the doorstep. You certainly don’t have to allow him into your home.

Dollymylove · 18/01/2026 18:53

Wait, so this man doesnt like dogs but seems to be making a concerted effort to come to your house to see yours?
Something fishy going on here. Tell him your dog doesn't like strangers and is prone to biting them 😉

SomedayIllBeSaturdayNight · 18/01/2026 18:55

What has no one said no to him? Honestly, we make life so unnecessarily difficult for ND people but hinting around the edge of things and not being direct!
Either you or your parents need to tell him, directly but kindly, that this is not a good idea and you'll see him at your parents.

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