Potential Unwanted visitor

[Flippingheckwtf]

This is a bit weird and not sure how to deal. One of my parents died a few years ago. They were friends with this couple for years and we used to go over to their house when I was growing up and play with their kids etc. Other parent has stayed in touch with them since our bereavement and they drop by every now and then. I chat a bit if I see them but I'm introverted while he's very loud and has no filter.

For some reason the man has decided that he wants to visit me at home. My parent mentioned this to me after they'd visited once. I have dogs, he doesn't like dogs but apparently wants to see mine?! It's very bizarre and I kinda laughed it off at first when he mentioned it but he keeps saying to my parent that he'll need to drop in and see me! I wfh a couple days a week and don't want this guy coming over. My parent had at some point mentioned which street I live in just in conversation but once he started saying he'll go over they gave him the wrong house number.

I'm just at parents house now and they saw the couple yesterday and apparently the guy was over looking for me last week! He went to the incorrect house number he'd been given and of course someone else answered.

I think he's harmless just nosey but don't understand this sudden desire to visit my house,
maybe there's some cognitive issues or neurodiversity at play. Parent said this guy is always doing bizarre things. Just not sure what to do if he randomly appears at my door! Apart from say I'm busy. So weird.

I have a very loud dog who barks a lot. I tell people who come to the door that she bites (I take parcels in through the window). She doesn't, (or at least she hasn't so far), but she's my first line of defence against unwanted callers. 'Sorry, I can't open the door, the dog bites'. They can then tell me what they want to through the open window and go about their business.

If it's someone I know, or someone I want to come in, then I let them in. Dog barks for a few moments, has a sniff and then goes back to lie on the sofa. But there are a fair few people around my area that have the impression that she will kill anyone who steps over the threshold.

What’s with the weird use of “they” and “the other parent”? Anyway, imo you’re paranoid and unfriendly and you should actually welcome your parent’s friend in for a cup of tea if they call- maybe they want to tell you something about your parents that they think you should know? That’s the most obvious reason

Yoir mum says "my dd is very busy and doesn't have time to deal with people popping in and your are our friend, not hers. It crosses a boundary and isn't appropriate.

You say if required "sorry John, I can't handle visits from my parents friends - if I'm at mum's when you call in we can chat briefly then"

So he could text her, surely?

Old men should not be trying to pay house calls on single (am assuming this as OP hasn't mentioned a husband or live in partner) younger women randomly, and for no specific reason, whilst their wife is in hospital.

It's weird and inappropriate, and I say that as a not particularly paranoid middle aged woman. He is/was her parents' friend, not hers, why would he assume that she'd welcome a visit from him whilst she's working from home?

My elderly parents are friends with a really lovely couple who used to be our neighbours. I have known them for almost fifty years and I grew up with their dd. I would have no issue with them both popping in a cuppa if they were in the vicinity. However, I would raise an eyebrow if the male half of the couple wanted to come over on his own uninvited, when he knew I was home alone, unless it was for a very specific reason (i.e. dropping something off).

I wouldn't answer the door !! And if he kept persisting I would shout out a window I'm sorry I am working from home please go away ! Rinse and repeat he will soon get the message ! Stand up for yourself and also tell your parent not to encourage it and say something like please don't visit Op they don't like visitors!

So someone either you or your remaining parent (dad I think?) needs to tell this man explicitly that he is not to visit you at home.

If hrs is socially inept and incapable of reading the room, for whatever reason, then he is not going to take the hint.

I am far from the only poster thinking that this older man is planning on something sexually inappropriate.
If you have never experienced an older (elderly) man who thinks he can “seduce” a younger woman and she will gratefully fall into bed with him, you are fortunate.
I’m not sure if something to do with coming from a different generation or perhaps a loss of inhibitions but this behaviour is not uncommon. OP would be wise to be extremely cautious

Blink - look on Amazon

Get your parent to tell them you are introverted ffs! Why didn’t your parent just say they would pass his number to you and you would be in touch when it was convenient. He sounds rude if he keeps banging on about it and your parent sounds pathetic if they daren’t tell an old friend you aren’t interested. They could just roll their eyes and say ‘youth today’ if they’re really needing to soften the blow.

I agree. I have experience of several older men who have lost wives or their wives have become incapacitated and have suddenly assumed any single woman of any age is up for a bit (not me but other women I know).

It is really very yuk.

Can you get his number and ring/text to say you hear he wants to catch up but you work during the day and your dogs are aggressive to strangers so best for him not to come round to your house, and ask if there was anything in particular he wanted to speak about?

Or ask your parents to pass on a similar message?

My blood ran cold when I read the title of your post and my face contorted into a weird panic shape.

Please don't allow this man to infiltrate your life. Your situation, although different from mine as I'm assuming you're female and he's a male - rings about 20 million red flags with me as I experienced something similar for nearly 20 years when my Dad passed away suddenly.

A female who was part of our church latched on to my Mum - and when I say latched on it was like clingons on the starboard bow. I was only 23 when my Dad passed and still very much trying to understand life, navigate work and relationships and needed my Mum. I think we always do need our parents so this is why I'm telling you to watch out. Is it your dad who died, or your mum?

To cut a very very long story short - this woman never gave us a second's peace from the year after my Dad died. She was at our door constantly, walked in without warning, day or night. Would call on Christmas Eve and it didn't matter if we were having family time, watching a movie or in the middle of a game - in she came. Same with Mother's Day or any special occasion. She would show up or turn on the tears to find a way to get herself invited. After a couple of years, it drove a wedge between my Mum and I as I never got anytime alone with my Mum - she was ALWAYS with her. It lead to a lot of resentment and I grew very quickly to absolute detest this woman. And it was obvious. But I was always wrong, if I objected to her just walking in or the fact that we didn't seem to be able to do anything without her. She took over, including making important decisions for me - for example, I needed a new car and instead of me being allowed to pick one - she chose it for me, when I objected there was an argument.

My Mum died a few years ago and I was devastated. Not only had I lost my Mum, but I felt I had lost so much time with her too. And guess what? On the day of her funeral, the woman found a way to speak to the minister behind my back and managed to get herself wangled in to my obituary. She also approachded me at home, in the few days after Mum died, pinned me against the sofa, touched my face and said 'Let me in to your life it's what your Mum would want'. I flatly refused ( in my head) and to this day it's like that vampire movie 'Let the right one in', as I refuse to have anything to do with her now. No doubt she has latched on to some other poor widow and is trying to come between her and her child.

Please please make it clear to this man that this isn't something you are comfortable with and don't even for one second worry about being 'rude'. I wish I had been even more difficult than I was. Thanks to this woman I lost time with my Mum, but I also have really serious mental scars and low self esteem because of her.

My mother’s husband came on to me at my house when my mum was ill. He was in his 70s, so don’t assume he’s being harmless!

The talking loudly no volume control probably means he's deaf.
Do u know his daughter? Could you have a word with her that he's creeping you out

This is exact

My mum is like this, she’ll just go and visit someone randomly with no warning. I cannot bear it when people just pop over.

crumbs! is this the most insensitive post of the day, or what?

I think it's interesting that your parent became uneasy and lied about your house number. That's 2 of you not wanting him to turn up at yours. It's not a psychic ability to have a hunch that something's amiss - it's a skill of picking up on the subtle learned throughout life.

I agree with the keep a bag and coat next to the door so if you inadvertently open the door to him you have an excuse for leaving. A dentist appointment is a great excuse as you can't cancel those last-minute without penalty. Then say please don't come round, my dog doesn't like visitors. Ideally don't answer the door to him and conform your address.

And always prioritise your safety over being polite. (I've heard a great tactic is to pick your nose - and if you can manage it eat what ever you find. It puts people off apparently)

Why on earth did your parent give him the wrong house number instead of just saying “I didn’t think you were serious about going round. That would not be a good idea. “?

Either dont answer the door

Or dont invite him in and if he asks say oh lovely to see you, but im expecting company/going out/working/cleaning/busy

Alot of this ties up with my experience of a parent when they started with dementia . No boundaries , no filter , fixating on things etc

This. I think he probably fancies you.

It sounds like you are an introvert who lives alone with her dogs and there are certain men who’ll see this as an opening to give you some “company”.

Tell your parent they are to tell him in no uncertain terms that you don’t want a visit and get a ring doorbell just in case.

Fucking creep.

Haven't read the whole thread, except for the OP's comments, so sure this has been said many times, but tell your parent to tell him 'no' and let him know you and your dogs don't like visitors so don't want him going there. It really should have occured to him by now that you aren't keen as his (several) requests are falling on deaf ears