Kids and phones.

[Ludinous]

Just trying to figure something out really. I've been following another thread about mobile phones at sleepovers and there seems to be a lot of people out there who's 10/11 year olds do not have mobile phones, and whose parents seem incredulous that someone might allow their DC to have one.
Is this normal? Am I the bad parent? My DD has one and so do all her friends and cousin. I can only think of 2 main outcomes of this...either these parents are letting their children walk to or home from school, or stay in the house while nipping to the shops or whatever, without a means of contacting each other in an emergency. Or these kids aren't allowed to be anywhere or go anywhere without adult supervision yet which I find just as odd.
Just wondering what everyone else does?

Mine were allowed to get the bus to school age 5 and out to play at age 7

to stay in the house from age 10 (landline for emergencies)

eldest got a mobile age 11 and youngest age 7 (but she got hers so early due to lockdowns otherwise would have been 11)

My son is 11 and doesn't have a smartphone, nor do many of his friends. He walks home from school (just under 1.5 miles) and has a kids' smart watch that he can call/text us on.

But equally I know of many children his age and younger who have smartphones. Watching TikTok together while out playing. No thanks.

Why do 10 / 11 year olds at primary school need a phone to walk to school?
Unless it’s an especially far away school that they are using public transport to get to and from which they may miss the bus or a connection. I can’t see the need.

My year 6 child has a smart watch which is perfect as he isn’t bothered/obsessed with it but will take it out so he’s allowed to walk to friends’, park etc and will let us know his plans. He chats to his friends on the ‘phone’ for hours via his Nintendo switch. He walks to and from school without: an adult, a phone, any problems.

For me, phones are fine, social media/free rein to internet absolutely not. When he goes to year 7 he won’t automatically need a phone. They’re FAR safer let loose in the real world than let loose online.

A phone which is just a phone - for calling or sending text messages - fine.
A smartphone with all that entails - not fine.

@Ludinousdoes your DD have a smart phone or dumb phone? World of difference.

My 11 year old has neither but will get a dumb phone when she starts walking home in the summer term.

And I’m not ok sending her to sleepovers where other children have open access to the internet with their smartphones and iPads. Hence we stopped sleepovers (one of the many reasons we don’t do sleepovers any more)

At our school all the y6 parents have agreed to control access to smartphones and it is working well.
iPads is a whole other thing..

She has a smart phone yes. But unlike what a lot of people seem to think. You don't need to either give your kid only text and calls, or unrestricted access to the internet.
Of course she doesn't have access to any social media. Of course all the parental restrictions are on. But I do want her to be able to facetime her friends or grandparents. I want her to be able to take picture while we're out (she loves photography) and send them to us. I want her to be able to use Spotify and play music from the speakers in the house. And I want to be able to track her from any of my devices if we're not together. And none of that can happen with a 'dumb' phone.

I can only think of 2 main outcomes of this...either these parents are letting their children walk to or home from school, or stay in the house while nipping to the shops or whatever, without a means of contacting each other in an emergency. Or these kids aren't allowed to be anywhere or go anywhere without adult supervision yet which I find just as odd.

The other obvious option is a brick phone.

You might want your DD to have a smartphone but some other parents don't want that.

I can definitely understand all of this. I want my kid to have these things too, but he gets too engrossed in a screen to be able to have any sort of balance and the phone would be more or less surgically attached to his hand.

Do you have restrictions around your daughter using phone (e.g. time restrictions) and is she happy to spend most of her time without being glued to it?

Minecwerent allowed to take their phones put in Yr5/6, even walking to and from school because my observation was they made them less safe not more safe. I live near a school and the number of times I've witnessed children aged 9-12 (based on height) step out into the road without looking while doing something on a phone in unbelievable. Even 17-18yos do it.

There was also an incident when my younger DD was in Yr5 when it was discovered the phones (being tracked by the parents) wete being left hidden at the park while the children happily cycled off to play elsewhere.

It's nice to hear someone else who kind of sits with our way of thinking. Obviously I'm not oblivious to the dangers but I think it's important to strike a balance. And obviously individual kids will be different. As I said, my daughter doesn't have access to social media or anything like that so there's no reason for her to be glued to it. She uses it to talk to her friends, play Spotify and take and edit pictures and videos so we don't really need any time restriction on it.

It’s not as black and white as give a phone you’re a bad parents , don’t give one and you’re a good one.

Depends on why the child has one, what restrictions and supervision they have , how they use it, how long for and most importantly on the child themselves. Some children are a lot better at self regulating than others .

I know kids with no supervision at all, I know kids with no phones , but full internet access on ipads, I know kids with supervised/restricted devices and kids that don’t have anything at all.

My daughter is in year 7 and she got a phone at the start of year 6 (for her 10th birthday which is August). She got a smart phone. We don’t have a load of rules around it (apart from not using at night, us doing regular checks) but she doesn’t use it too much. We got back from somewhere about 3 hours ago and I think it’s still in her bag.

It has been useful to organise seeing her friends at weekends/ holidays and sometimes they use them to see if they want to meet up to walk to school.

I don’t see why a child needs a phone to walk to school or why a child can’t use a landline phone from their home if their parents are out. Perhaps I’m missing something.

We don’t have a landline.

Well for walking to school seems obvious to me. What if something happens and your child needs you? What if someone either an adult or child is interacting with your child in an unwanted way? What if they fall and hurt themselves. Or fall of a bike or scooter. What if they get the buss but have lost their money. What if there's a change in plan and you need to let them know. Maybe you need them to go to a relatives after school because you're going to be late home? It's not like the old days when there was phone boxes everywhere.
And the house phone...not everyone has one anymore. We actually do but only because when we first moved into our new house we both had trouble with signal until we changed provider.

We bought phones for ours for secondary school so that they could call us if they got got stuck/bus didn't arrive etc (ironically they both hated the bus and couldn't get a seat which was dangerous so we ended up driving them). We gave them the phones a couple of weeks before the end of year 6 so they could exchange numbers with their primary friends and at 17 and 15 they're still in touch with a few of them.

Our school does not allow smartphones to be brought to school at all in years 7 and 8. The kids can have dumbphone but switch it off on school grounds. As a result many of the year 7s do not own a smartphone. Some do, but keep it at home. Therefore no expectation from children that everyone has smartphone and they text each other, email or even call.

My 12 yr old twins are getting phones soon, I haven't researched yet what type. Some of their friends have old Nokia where they can text their parents if necessary. None have smartphones. We are near the school but sometimes DD walks to a housing estate 15 mins away, sometimes they get the bus to the nearest suburban village to go to the library. I have a tracker but they often forget it. Yes, it makes me anxious to not know where they are but I have faith in them, I'd be more anxious about handing the online world to them which is much riskier. They know to ask someone in uniform to ring me if there is a problem. When they are home alone they have the landline, also we have neighbours they can call to.

I had a phone for walking to school in Y6 and I’m 37! It’s hardly a new concept. And back in the day you would have had pay phones for emergencies which don’t exist now. Most people also don’t have a landline, I’ve never had one since moving out at 18.

Mine has an apple watch so that covers phone calls, messages, tracking and music without the potential for wider internet access.

I feel that if I didn’t trust my child in those situations you’ve described, then it isn’t appropriate for them to be out alone. No wonder so many young adults are so infantilised that they can’t cope with real life. Children need to grow up being responsible to be able to become fully functioning adults.

Removing a landline is a choice but it shouldn’t mean a child then has to have a mobile phone by default.

A phone is useful to ring and ask if you can go to a friend's house after school. Particularly if the friend's house is on the way home.

DS fell off his bike once on his way home from school; the bike was damaged so couldn't be used and he'd hurt his leg. Yes, he could have locked it up and limped home, but it was just a bit nicer for him to have a parent come and pick him and the bike up in the car.

An increasing number of households don't have landlines.

(I'm only talking about a text and calls only phone here).

Or these kids aren't allowed to be anywhere or go anywhere without adult supervision yet which I find just as odd.

Why do you find this odd for a 10/11 year old? My 10yo DD doesn't go anywhere without an adult. Why would she?

@Ludinous I guess the reality is if they trip and fall on the way home, what can you do about it anyway? Phoning you at work miles away doesn't achieve anything only stress you out. If there was a real emergency someone else will ring you because someone would immediately attend to them. If it's a bloodied knee or bump near the school, again I think another parent would approach and call you. I've told my kids it's ok to ask someone to call me but only approach a mother with kids or a person in uniform or in a position of authority.

Mine got a phone at 10 and a half which was when she wakesy to the corner shop by herself sometimes. She only used it for that

At 11 and a bit she started walking home from primary school by herself sometimes so used it a bit more.

Now she's in year 7

However it has no internet access at all, no Facebook, tik Tom, Snapchat etc etc. I'll admit she did have wotsapp but I have since deleted that as well. Has downtime at night etc etc.

I will say that A LOT /most of her friends/classmates had phone a LONG time before her. And some of them certainly had tik too.

She's in year 7 now. I know a lot of her friends have internet access and tik tok access and wotsapp. Some have Snapchat. And I know at sleepovers her friends can all access her their phones at night whereas hers goes off at 9