Do I have to tell my colleagues what I am off for

[laughingalltheay]

I’m having surgery in a couple of weeks and my colleagues keep asking what surgery im having. It’s quite personal and I really don’t want them to know. I don’t know what to say or tell them. It making the whole thing even more stressful than it already is

You don't have to tell them - personally I'd make something ridiculous up!

You don’t have to tell them. If they keep pressuring you, tell your manager

Definitely don’t tell the - they’re being nosy asking. When I was asked about this I would just repeat “I’m having surgery, I expect to be off work for one week” and provide no further details. They will ask “but what’s the surgery for?” - totally reasonable to just keep repeating “That’s a personal question. I expect to be off work for one week”, like keep returning it to the only information they actually need to know as it’s relevant to their work.

@Wowzel I was thinking of making something up but then wondered if hr found out would I get in to
trouble. I know they will be asking loads of questions. I’ll send sick notes in to my manager

I find if you give a vague answer people are satisfied, and only the most tone deaf ask for more. I think most people are just trying to show enough interest to be polite, and not seem like they don't care.

So 'abdominal' or 'gastro' or something really broad.

And if anyone asks for more detail say it's personal/private/not comfortable discussing detail

If it's men tell them women's problems thatll shut them up!
if women say sorry i dont want to discuss it as its very personal please dont ask again

If you’ve told them that you are having surgery it follows that they would ask what for. If you want to keep it private don’t tell them about the surgery surely

The thought of confrontation makes me feel sick and I know if I say it’s personal they will be funny with me. In the past I have heard manager discuss others sickness with colleagues in the office in front of everyone

You don't need to tell them. Let them speculate, it's quite fun . Currently playing this game with my manager.

@roseymoiraim likely to be off for a couple of months so either way they are going to ask why

They probably don’t really want the details, just an idea if it’s a hip replacement, a triple bypass or a mole removal. If it’s gynaecological just say “abdominal surgery” or something equally vague.
por you could just point blank refuse. They’ve no right to know. But a complete refusal might just have them thinking and wondering more than a vague answer.

Is it your manager you don't want to tell OP? (or the person who will be signing off your sick leave?)

In which case they may have a legitimate reason to ask whether it's for a health issue or cosmetic surgery or something like that.

Send out an email to your team. "Please stop asking for my medical information. I absolutely do not want to discuss something so personal with anyone who is not my family nor my medical practitioner."

I will tell my line manager because I presume I have to? And I know it will probably discussed in the office but I’d rather not tell or have anyone else knowing

I'd just answer by saying "I'd rather not say" while holding their gaze and then should then feel uncomfortable for asking.

You don't have to confront, I'm sure you're already stressed enough about the surgery whatever it is. You can just look a bit pensive and say I would rather not talk about it, sorry, I just find it really upsetting.

If it's your manager, you can use the same line but say you will submit your fit note to HR.

Fwiw I had a big surgery a while ago and the sicknotes just said 'surgery' and later when it all went a bit sideways 'complications from surgery'

So if you don't tell them they're unlikely to find out from your sicknotes.

I think for your manager, if you're worried about them being a gossip, that you could absolutely just say 'abdominal surgery'.

It is astonishingly rude for anyone to ask, apart from your line manager who may have to put in reasonable adjustments in place on your return. No one else has any right to know why you’re off sick at all.
The lack of basic good manners astounds me and any decent manager should jump on it immediately.

don'T tell your manager.
Go to HR and tell them that you will be off, for how long, and that you do not wish any of your colleagues to know what it is, and that you want them to stop pestering you about it.

That is all.

Can you ask "why do you need to know what type of surgery im having?"

Ho they answer would determine what you do next.

And speak to your manger and hr and say you know from previous experience that people will be discussing it but you want assurances that your medical information will be kept confidential.

Really? I also had a surgery recently and the sickline I got from the hospital had the name of the procedure on it. My colleagues all knew what I was getting anyway though, it wasn't a secret so maybe if I was bothered I could have asked them not to put it on there.

"I'm going in as Christine & leaving as Christopher" should shut them up.

I had to take some leave. My supervisors knew and kept it confidential which is part of their policy anyway. Colleagues didn't know anything and quizzed me on my return. Which I just replied with "illness". They're pretty good and didn't press me on it, but if they did I would have said it's personal.

I only ask to show interest in a person, not expecting to know someone's private medical info. I agree to that mentioning a rough area of the body followed by "I'm not comfortable discussing details" will put people off without being rude.

Tell them it is quite a personal and intricate operation and would like to keep it private . I told my colleagues that I was keeping mine private because my adult children didn't even know.