Do I have to tell my colleagues what I am off for

[laughingalltheay]

I’m having surgery in a couple of weeks and my colleagues keep asking what surgery im having. It’s quite personal and I really don’t want them to know. I don’t know what to say or tell them. It making the whole thing even more stressful than it already is

I don’t believe you do have to tell your line manager details about the surgery. In my experience doctors will be as vague as you like on the fit note.

With the OP saying they'll ask loads of questions in their update I assumed it was small (ish) team of people.

Either way - if you tell then something different know one knows the true reason. If they do talk about it then they'll know everyone got a different story. If they don't then they'll just be stumped when you don't rock up with an extra ear 🤣

But you suggested she was wrong for telling them she was having surgery in the first place, and was now hypocritical for saying she doesn’t want to tell them more.
i was just saying that she didn’t really have any choice but to tell them about the surgery. Honestly it sounds like if she could have avoided any mention of it at all, she would have.

i wouldn’t tell a line manager who blabs any of my business that i want to keep secret!

a vague answer is fine. abdominal surgery. a gyne procedure. something like that. Or say it’s personal and i don’t want to discuss it thank you.

the only thing i’d suggest is that when you return to work and need to do things you have to be safe. so if you get your back operated on say and you need a special chair you cannot really tell the workplace that you’re off for eye surgery.

so if you do say anything make it ballpark the same area!

Nope you don’t need to tell them and you can even be vague if the GP is signing you off with your line manager. I had a MMC / D&C / Sepsis and I got the GP not to mention the pregnancy. They were more than happy to oblige

When I had minor surgery I kept getting asked what it was for and telling people it was private or I didn’t want to say wasn’t enough, people are so nosey! In the end I told them I was having my vagina widened (technically my vulva but still) and no one ever asked another question. I doubt they talked about it behind my back but too-tight vagina is kind of an enviable medical problem… I guess a bit like needing a penis reduction. Anyway it’s a good option to shut people up for anyone having undercarriage or bumhole surgery, especially if needing to sit on a circular cushion afterwards

I would say major/minor and the very general area, and perhaps also the recovery time. They may just be expressing concern and probably don’t expect excessive detail.

Can you not just say 'it's just something routine'?

It's nobody else's business! And as for your manager knowing, as long as HR are aware of the absence and everything is in place for when you're off, even your manager doesn't need to know the full ins and outs of the surgery. Like a pp said, just tell them a general area of surgery ie; gastro, spinal or whatever, if you feel you have to tell them something. But like I said before, it's nobody else's business!!

It's not anyone's business, but in being evasive about it you are likely to turn a non event into speculation. So unless the surgery is so embarrassing/personal that you'd rather colleagues play the guessing game behind your back, then I'd say but be vague if you'd prefer.

And no, it's not how people should behave, but workplaces are often gossipy so I'm just being realistic.

So if you are having your vagina reconstructed, then I can see why you'd want to not say and maybe make something up or just say abdominal/gynae, or that you'd rather not say. If though you're getting a dodgy hip fixed and don't say, before you know it, the rumour will be that you're having bum worms surgically removed or something. I joke here, but only a bit.

Your manager should be someone who keeps any information confidential. So should be able to be told.

And not discussed in the office. I am saddened to read that you even have to face the possibility of this happening.

Yes - but I was having a stoma created so maybe he just assumed I wouldn't want details on there.

But it does show the note doesn't have to have any details at all if OP doesn't want it to

She absolutely didnt need to tell random colleagues she was having surgery if she didn't want to

When I had surgery, I told my line manager only that it was gynae surgery, and I didn’t want it discussed (no one would have done this anyway). I just told colleagues I was having surgery, that it was nothing major, and I’d be back asap, as that is what I was comfortable saying. If anyone had pushed the issue, and no one did, I would just have said I dont want to talk about further.

You absolutely don’t have to tell anyone your private medical information, not even your line manager - if you’re signed off, that’s the end of it.

Mind, I had a (minor) surgery once for endometriosis (3 days off work self certified) and my manager kept on about whether it was something that needed an occupational health referral (I’d had 0 other days off sick). In the end I told him it was endometriosis and not only that, I described in graphic detail what it was and my history with it (including the painful periods and infertility). I’ve never seen a man go so pale and flustered, after that, in every supervision we had (I’m a social worker) I made sure to mention my periods, and he reacted the same way every time.

Tell them you are getting a leg extension

Nosey bastards!

Of course you don’t have to tell them

It is best to tell your manager the truth, they will receive your sick notes anyway. They shouldn't be telling anyone your medical details, if you think they will share details, make it clear you don't want your team to know.
Agree with them what the team can be told. You can make something up if you want to.
Keep it vague eg. Abdominal surgery, gynae procedure, cyst removal, orthopaedic surgery etc.
Share only what you want to share.
If your manager does share your details with anyone in the team, that is a serious breach of confidentiality and needs reporting to HR.

‘Invasive - like your question.’

I spent a bit of time off for various reasons.

I would just say “it’s nothing I want to discuss” even when they would ask if I was better now, or anything like that.

I had surgery last year (gynae, and most of my colleagues did know) but my actual fit note just said ‘post surgery’.

Gender reassignment and let the gossip flow..

Just say it’s personal or sorry I don’t want to discuss it. If your manager is a blabbermouth don’t discuss it with them - you don’t have to. You could say you are ok to discuss with a female HR manager if they need more info.

Surely the next natural sentence would be would be" I hope it goes well and see you when you come back to work". I wouldn't question anybody why they needed to go under the knife because I'm aware it's none of my business.

1. tell them its personal and you don't wish to discuss
2. "to have your nose surgically removed from my personal business"
3. make something up