How do you deal with bad news?

[SmockAndBeret]

Had some bad and worrying news a few hours ago. My DD (age 27) has cancer.
I’m not sure what to do with my hands or my mind. I can’t stop panicking. Try to put it to the back of my mind for a time as I can’t do anything about it, but then it suddenly roars at me. I’m feeling absolutely knocked sideways.
How do you find the strength to stay normal, focused and healthy in such situations? I need to be strong to support her.

Can you be with her?

I go to bed. For a few hours or a few days. When I re-emerge it is easier to be strong and steady.

I'm sorry to hear your news and wish your daughter all the best.

DH and I are going to see her tomorrow and attend a meeting with her consultant with her.

Thanks @tinybeautiful

How awful. I would be knocked sideways as well, do you have other family/friends to support you as you support her?

Is she with anyone tonight?

Yes, Sally, DH and I are here together, but don’t want to tell our youngest who’s 16 just yet. Other DC have left home, and we can’t really tell anyone else either as that would have to be DDs decision.

Yes, she’s with her partner. He’s lovely and supportive.

It’s difficult to know how much to say or be in touch.

I'm so sorry. That's devastating news.
Don't know if it's your thing but would writing down your thoughts help? Send it as an email to yourself? Look inwards at all your strengths and write down how you're going to deploy them to help your DD? I'd write a "Fuck you, Cancer" letter and set fire to it.

@Thedaywoman We’re 2 hours away, so day visits are doable with 2 of us sharing driving. We’re going there in the morning, and are able to go whenever, which is lucky.

@Justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushould
Thank you that is very helpful. I’m not usually very circumspect but I think it would be a good thing.
We have a very close relationship with DD, so I’m sure there’s lots I can do and say to help.

What type of cancer?

Bone.

I’m so sorry. That sounds like a hell of a shock that keeps coming back when you least expect it and hits you hard in the stomach taking the wind out of you, again and again.
One thing that has helped me in the past and still does on times is to imagine myself curled up in a ball, with huge arms (or wings) around me, keeping me safe and warm. I used this in the past when I needed comfort and it’s now something I can call upon to help me relax. I hope you can find some comfort for tonight and that things go as well as they can tomorrow. 💐

Thanks @CatsMother66 I’ll have to see if I can call upon such thoughts and imagery to help, too… not something I’ve ever done before, but sounds like it’s worth trying.

Flipping between disbelief and anger, now. It all seems so unfair

I'm so sorry. I don't have anything useful to add but wish your daughter all the very, very best of luck.

I feel your pain OP. We are waiting for confirmation of a bowel tumour they found in my dh. I nearly collapsed when he first told me 😢

That is awful news OP and I am sorry to hear it.

Would it help if you could try and think through some practical things - your arrangements for getting there tomorrow, what things you might be able to help with, some shopping you could get in for your DD and her DP? It might give you something else to focus on and a bit of control iyswim

I'm so sorry to hear that. I imagine you must all be in shock. I would just feel your feelings at this stage. Think of questions for the consultant so that you can get the information you need. Once you see the consultant, you will start to have a plan from them.

Support lines from charities can be very helpful too:

https://www.bcrt.org.uk/

I wish your DD the best.

OP, when you sleep tonight, we can all try and hold your worries for you, and keep them tucked in and safe, so you can get some rest.

This is terrible for you all I’m so sorry. Try and stay strong for your daughter especially tomorrow as she’s going to get so much info but might not take it in and you need to be there for her to do that as she’ll have questions afterwards x sending love and strength x

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful posts @ChinFluff46

Thank you @Shoemadlady

Sorry I missed other posts!
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and practical suggestions.

Sorry to hear about your DH @Meredusoleil . It is shocking, isn’t it? Cancer happens to other people, not us!

What's made it harder is that dh hasn't really had any pain or symptoms. It was just picked up during a colonscopy where I was expecting nothing of the sort to be the outcome 😳