Would you live in your current location if you had no family?

[Seashells02]

I live in my rundown hometown, about a 5min drive from parents and 15mins from siblings. I was thinking if my parents passed away, there’s no way I’d choose to live here.

I’d probably try and move abroad or further south. Does family keep you close or have you moved anyway and if so, do you regret it? What puts me off is the guilt as they get older.

Great question and it’s made me think. Not sure of the answer yet.
We moved to be near DC and DGC. If they weren’t here would I stay…hmmm. My DH would move I think.

Im kind of opposite. I live in home town and both my parents moved (within 40 mins) but to nicer areas. Now im a bit older id love to live somewhere nicer but all dh family are here and ds school (specialist school) so we're kind of stuck for other reasons. Id definitely have more support if I lived near dm though. Its a tough decision.

I grew up in a mining village, moved 30 miles away for work, had my DC at this point, who have now grown up and live independently.
In 2016 I moved 80 miles away for work, and 4yrs later moved my mum to the same village. I'm an only child, and both mum and I feel better living close to each other. She's now 90, still living independently, with a good social circle.
When she dies I will stay in the house I live in. I have friends where I am, and family and other friends are no more than an hour away.
I had a good childhood where I grew up, but it's also been good to live in different places to be able to realise where I've liked living most.

Nope. We live in a village and it's as dull as ditch water. We're only here because 81 year old FiL has no other family close by.

Me too, 30 years ago. Also they were exploitative, and a bit more... I miss the principle of having family from time to time but getting away was the right choice.

Suddenly there are a heck of a lot of people asking me about how I can stand not living near family. Official statistics show that geographical mobility has stalled (along with the rather more complex tales about social mobility). I believe the urge to be near family is due to the troubled nature of our times and the increased need for financial support and inheritance. I’ve never had that, but I get more independence instead.

If I had no family living where I am now (give or take 10 minutes), I’d move back to where I was born (only about 40 mins away) as my friends all live there, there is more on your doorstep, etc.

If I didn’t miss my friends and have no family living/here, I’d move to somewhere brand new where nobody knew me to be honest.

I know several people who are genuinely horrified that I'm so far from my family. Growing up my own DP didn't live near their families either so it's just not something that I ever expected.

The stuff about more people wanting to stay closer due to times feeling more troubled makes sense though. Also a lot of my friends say that they wouldn't have been able to stay in their jobs without family childcare.

We got stuck so the dcs could go to their schools and have social opportunities and also mil was moved over to be near us so we could support her. If none of these things were in the equation, we'd have moved to the countryside. I hate living in a built up area. We're too old to move now and it's too much of an upheaval.

If I didn’t have Dh and dc, no. It’s very rural and I love it, but it would be very isolated if I lived alone.

I have no other family anyway, so living near extended family has never been a priority, similar for Dh. I live in another country and 8 hour flight from where I grew up. I left early 20s and never looked back.

If I was truly on my own, I’m not sure what I’d do. I’d be inclined to move to London possibly, but I don’t know if I could hack it now that I’ve gotten used to not living around people. 😂

No, I'd be living in a slightly larger, cheaper house a bit further away. I am where I am because I'm a solo parent and my mum helps with childcare.

We are only remaining where we are because of my 88 year old dad living a few streets away. When he is no longer with us we will move but for now we cannot leave him alone as we are the only family nearby.

Yes and No. It’s not where I’d have chosen to live. It’s dh’s house and close to his family, and I’d much rather we were closer to mine. But if I had no dc at all, and wasn’t with dh, I’d be living somewhere completely different.

But now I’m here with neighbours and roots and memories I will probably never move.

Nope, not at all. I feel trapped in our current home/location due to the serious health issues of a very close family member. They can't/won't move due to wanting to remain close to the hospital/consultant and don't want to risk moving to different hospital/GP surgery/consultant etc as it's literally a life or death thing for them to have continuity of treatment/care, and certainly moving to a different country is simply not an option for the same reason.

If things were different, we'd have moved abroad long ago for a home "in the sun", and even now, we're probably too old to relocate abroad, but we'd certainly move to a different part of the UK as there is literally nothing else for us to stay for in our current location, even though it's been our home town for 50+ years. It's turned into a run down, shabby town with nothing going for it. We'd leave tomorrow without a second backwards glance if the family member was healthy and able to move with us - which they'd want to do other than for the health issues.

I am in the country I'm in because of family. Without that consideration, I'd move. I've done it before.

I only live where I do so the children are reasonably close to their dad. If he wasn’t around then I would move elsewhere in the country.

I’m planning to move abroad (for better quality of life & better healthcare) once all kids have left home. The house will be large enough for them to come and visit.

No, I live in a lovely place but if it was just me I’d be in central London.

I am also near my parents OP, who don’t provide regular childcare as yours are offering but it’s still been a godsend. Two days of childcare will be an amazing benefit for you and your child. Would it be worth making a plan to move when they’re at school age?

No
When inlaws die there's no reason to stay and I wouldn't move near my family either.
We dont want to go far, only just over an hour from where we are now but will eventually retire to south east Asia.

Never had this issue as I haven’t lived near family since I was 19. Moved out for university, then down to London after graduation, and now live overseas.

MN was an eye-opener in terms of the number of people who move back to their home town / never move out. Not the norm at all in my social circle.

I'm planning to move this year from rundown seaside home town on south coast to North Yorkshire.

Unfortunately my mum, who is 86, refuses to join me. I feel terrible guilt at leaving, but the cost of living here is killing me - I've been working 2 jobs for the last three years, one of which is increasingly stressful and have no time, energy or money to do anything.

I've wanted to make this move for years but kept putting it off thinking maybe I won't have the consideration of mum, but I just can't put it off any longer. I know people whose relatives have lived to 104! Mum has several minor/moderate but well managed health issues but day to day is completely independent and would rather stay here where she has friends to entertain her than move and me be working and unable to be visiting every five minutes.

I'm looking for a full time remote working job so I have the flexibility to pop back and forth if she needs me, and of course if anything major happened I'd have to move back short term, but I just don't feel able to continue putting my life on hold, even though I know the fallout will be hellish (she can be very emotionally manipulative when things don't go her way, although is mostly ok the rest of the time).

Honestly it's probably going to be much easier all round for you to make the break when everyone is a bit younger.

Yes. I live where I do because it’s a reasonable commuting distance away from where I work. Closest family is two hours away on a good day.

NO!!!

If I didn't have adult children and grandchildren here then I might well move away.

Bit of a different situation, we moved to where my husband is from (after living & working overseas). He would never live in the south east where my parents and family live. If I was single with no children I would choose to live nearer to my parents and siblings, but my children love where we live and it is certainly giving them a childhood that is amazing (we live right by the sea, and they surf almost every day). I love it too here, but I can’t imagine living here without my husband and kids. I also worry about my own parents aging and me not being there to look after them (I am not the eldest but my siblings wouldn’t be able to look after aging parents at all).

We moved 20 years ago 50 miles away from a rundown town to a lovely small city. I do miss the family closeness as lots of extended family are all walking distance from each other in my original town. We do struggle to juggle childcare and basically never go out together without the children as we have no babysitters. I wouldn’t move back though as our city offers so much and the children have much better prospects here.