Previously when there has been someone who has expressed racist or homophobic views I have spoken up… eg intervened on a train carriage to say racial language is not acceptable, i’ve asked someone to leave my house. (My husband has a wide group of friends through a common connection and this was a newcomer to the group at a bbq at our house). I have stood up to people at work who have been racist even when my employer wanted to brush it under the carpet. And at the side lines of my son’s football matches I have calmly told a parent to be quiet even though I was told by other I was “making a scene”.
tonight a friend (Zoe) invited me out for a quick afternoon drink. She has been kind to me over the last few years.
She was with 2 friends: one I sort of know and one was new. The new friend was lovely (let’s call her Carol). The lady I sort of know is ok (let’s call her Em), but not my cup of tea.
a friend of Em (the sort-of ok lady) turned up -(let’s call her Lou). My friend Zoe said she wasn’t very keen for Lou to join but Lou had called Em and Em had already told Lou which pub we were in.
Lou spoke about a local family in the most disgusting racist language. The new friend (Carol) was uncomfortable and made an excuse to leave. I knew I should stand up to Lou like I have stood up to racist or homophobic people in the past. But I was paralysed. I am totally ashamed of myself.
i didn't want to upset my kind friend (Zoe). But in doing so I have stood by and allowed disgraceful and prolonged racist language to be spoken about a family I know (to say hello to, but not very well).
I left soon after. 8 hours later I cannot sleep thinking about how I stood by and said nothing.