One child families the norm

[onechildthenorm]

Nearly everyone I know only has one child. Out of the original six in my antenatal group, only two went on to have another child, my sons best friend is an only child, I have two colleagues at work with a child the same age as my older child and only one has a second.

I realise it’s a fairly small handful but it does mean I feel chaotic and to be honest a bit lonely a lot of the time. I know the obvious ‘answer’ is to find two child families but somehow it’s hard to do. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced similar.

We are very unusual in only having one child in our community. Hang in there, it will likely change.

I'd say about half of DS' class are only children (including him), which is definitely a lot more than when I was young. He's in Y2 now so I think most who were going to have another will have. There also seen to be more with 3-4 year age gaps rather than the very standard 2 when I was young. Most of my brother's primary school class were the younger siblings of my class.

most of the kids in Dads preschool have siblings. We are one of the few single child families there.

That being said, I think there is an overall increase in single child families based on my friends experiences in other areas

How old is your son? DD was surrounded by only children when she was younger but now we don’t know hardly anyone with one child. Lots of big gaps between kids round here!

Unlikely given people’s ages, but thanks ☺️

Most of our NCT went on to have more children and at DCs old (state) school there were hardly any kids in her year without siblings.
Now she’s at private school there are a lot more only children (maybe unsurprisingly). Her bestie is an only, as are the majority of her class.
Out of my closest friends I’d say we are half and half, with a couple who are childfree by choice.

In my DD’s rural class of 24 only 2 are only’s. Some have 5/6 siblings!!

As someone struggling with secondary infertility, I wish this was the case round here. We're the only ones in our antenatal group with one and I'm pretty sure my son is the only one in his pre-school class without a sibling (or one on the way). I hate doing pick-up because it feels like I'm the only person in the world without a second kid.

Why do you need friends with exactly the same amount of kids as you? 😳

I don’t understand what the problem here is exactly.

Some of my friends have one,some have two, some have three… it has no bearing on our friendships or conversations…?

And why does it bother you, what’s the reason?

lots of 3 children in my social circle, I am in minority having only one child

we have one, who’s now four and I’m almost forty so in all probably there won’t be another.

However, out of 8 in my NCT group there’s only one other family left with an only. Everyone else appeared better off financially than us though, with bigger houses, generous maternity allowance and most had family nearby who help out… go figure.

I think it might be hard to understand if you’re not in this position. I know that probably sounds a bit patronising and I don’t mean it to. But their lives are very different from mine.

families: Families in Bradford tend to be larger than the English average; about 24% of families in Bradford have three or more children, compared to 16% in England as a whole.Source .
2021 Census
demography and
migration profile

Well, we’re nowhere near Bradford but, um, thanks 😂

Having 2 children isn't that different from having 1, is it? We have 5 so always had a houseful with their friends coming and going! Only a few of our sons friends are only children, most have siblings.

I don't know any other families with 5 but it hasn't made any difference to who I'm friends with, some of my friends have 2, 3 or 4 children.

This bears out something I heard on the radio recently, that nearly half of families now have one child, making it the most usual. A quick Google reveals that the actual percentage is 44%, so families with more than one (be it 2, 3 or more) are more common.

I have 4 ranging from 10-18, so we were generally regarded as some sort of travelling circus in the past; less so now. Hats off to those above with more!

Similarly, we have friends with varying numbers of children, many where we live have 3, so I didn't feel like an outlier until DC4 turned up, but stats were possibly different then.

No it doesn't sound patronising.

I get they might be a bit different but I don't understand 'very'.

I had 3 kids and my best friend had 1 around the same age as my eldest.

We didn't find it very different really.

Interestingly, in my son’s year 2 class there is not a single child that’s an only child (one I’m not sure about but all the other 27 have siblings). So I think sometimes it just falls out that way!

Maybe because it was just one friend, while for me it’s almost everybody I know.

@Endofyear I think it is very different, but perhaps it depends on the children.

@YetAnotherNewUserMoniker i definitely frequently feel like a travelling circus!

I have one, and most of my friends have one. A few have two. The only person I know with more than 2 accidentally fell pregnant with twins and now has 4!

It's the other way round for me. Apart from my DC, there is only one other only child in their year. I have definitely missed out on friendships through not having two kids at the school and getting to know two years' worth of families, not hanging out in the week with my DC's friends' mums who have toddlers, etc...

I can imagine. I feel I’ve missed out on friendships because I’m at such a different stage to most people. Their lives have moved on while I’m reliving the last three years.