Dds 18 severe misophonia : intolerance to sounds (mainly mine )

[PomandersandRedRibbon]

Can anyone help ?
It's so bad and it's mainly me to the point where is if sit next to her she jumps up angirly.and slams things about. Defiantly can't tolerate my eating and I think it's my breathing as well.
Other sounds like keyboard etc obvsiuky i.can help

She wears headphones slot of the time

@FairislePatterned thanks

What type of therapy and therapist there are hundreds of types a d all hugely expensive

@DisplayPurposesOnly as I've said a few times we already do that she can sit where she wants and we usually eat watching a film

@PomandersandRedRibbon DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) could be worth looking into.

OH and I were talking about this the other night. Some noises (especially if they are repetitive) drive me mad. Our conversation was prompted by a recent quiz show where the host was crunching on pork scratchings directly into the microphone.

I read somewhere (probably on MN) that repeatedly tapping your finger whilst the noise is happening can help. I have tried this and it does work as a distraction to the feeling of rage. Although you then have to ensure that your own tapping is not equally as irritating as the noise you are trying to distract yourself from!

Her reaction to you is abusive.

So she can’t stand you breathing, but is fine to crash angrily around the house making far more noise than you do? Hmm…

What’s your relationship like generally?

Wow- some of these responses.
Try reading: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sounds-Like-Misophonia-Causing-Reactions-ebook/dp/B0C391L6DG?dplnkId=d36b2f2b-e025-424c-9f2b-984c3d60f6d3&nodl=1
And also check out Dr Gregory’s podcast.
This will help give you a place to start. But a good CBT therapist, who has experience in treating misophonia, will help, and should be available on the NHS in your local Talking Therapies service.

Her reaction is one of extreme anger and banging things or storming out the room

Misophonia or not, she's going to have to calm that shit down.

Sounds like she needs to move out and live elsewhere tbh

Misophonia is a recognised neurological condition. Some posters seem to think it’s a choice her DD is making, it’s really not.

I feel for you OP.
i suffer with this and it’s absolutely hell to live with.
mine is primarily aimed at DH and DM, as well as general noises.
Luckily DH is somewhat understanding but we’ve still had blazing rows over it.
it must be exhausting for him at times too.
All I can say is that he sits on the furthest seat away from me and will eat in another room.
mine has slightly eased with age, primarily because my hearing isn’t what it used to be. I know I need my ears syringed but have resisted because quite honestly I enjoy having sounds muted around me.

you and your DD have my sympathies

Has this been formally diagnosed? CBT could help mIf you can find someone with the right experience. NHS waits are probably quite long and she is too old to access CAMHS now (most won’t take referrals over 17 and a half) - but worth looking on your local NHS mental health service page to see what may be available.
Agree with others that her reaction is not acceptable at her age and you need to discuss a calmer way for her to signal she is uncomfortable.

I have it and it can be with one person more. My middle son, my hearing zooms into him when he is eating. With anyone else it’s fine. I have it with other noises too but mostly when he is eating. Everything else quiets down and my hearing zooms into him eating. I eat in the sitting room and the kids eat around the dinner table. It’s sad but I cannot stand it. I do not show my displeasure though, that’s where your daughter is in the wrong. She can control how she reacts. It is her problem she needs to be the one to move out of the way and excuse herself.

DH had this, it was awful for him and me. His brain had wrongly linked certain noises with his threat response, so he was feeling extreme anxiety and rage around certain noises. This was for a variety of noises, including aircraft noise, which as we live under a flight path meant he as triggered about once a minute….

He had hypnotherapy which was amazing, it was like it retrained his brain to stop seeing the noises as a threat and now he can hear them no problem at all.

I. Have misphonia. My dad was the main trigger and I couldn’t eat near him. Now, i find my husband ‘s eating difficult. My eldest son, a bit. Nothing towards youngest son or the dog. Eating, slurping sounds on tv or radio - disgusting. One colleague at work eats like a horse and it is revolt8ng. It is really difficult to live with but teenage years were the worst and being tired or stressed deffo makes it worse.

If that’s true then I’d imagine it can only relate to other aspects of the personal relationship, which would be what would merit some examination. I don’t have misophonia but I did used to find an ex partner’s eating noises particularly repulsive. Turned out the relationship was a bit shit.

Okay; this is someone who does not have misophonia or understand it.

Proper noise cancelling headphones do help for me. I have Apple ones.

Yes. Eating noises are my problem, and I often had to leave the staffroom at lunchtime if people were loudly eating crisps, or slurping.

But my misophonia was at its worst when I was in my teens, and my mum's eating sounds used to drive me to the edge. I used to have to make excuses to leave the table.

Just posting for solidarity as my Dd11 suffers with this affliction as well - eating, clinking of cutlery on plates and teeth cleaning are the worst sounds for her. We mostly allow her to eat separately which I feel quite sad about, but I’d rather that than have her unnecessarily
distressed in her own home. It’s tricky and I have to keep reminding her that we will be considerate of her feelings around those trigger sounds but none of them are completely unavoidable, and rudeness is never an acceptable reaction….it’s work in progress for all.

I do have to remind myself that she can’t help it, and it must be really hard for her to manage on a daily basis though when she does inevitably lose her temper now and again.

I recently read somewhere that making the noise that’s upsetting you can be a good distraction, and so we tried that during Christmas morning breakfast….was quite funny hearing her chomp loudly away alongside us, and seemed to do the trick to the point where she eventually forgot that we were eating near her….not one to try in company or whilst out though I would say! 😂

My adult DS1 has this.. ever since he was little. He has to go in another room if we are eating. He knows it’s his issue but he just can’t help himself get riled by other people’s sounds. Adult DS2 has sld and asd and is hyposensitive to sounds so loves loud sounds and making loud sounds himself. It was fun when they both lived at home (😳).

I was/ am like it too. I really struggle to be around people eating. As a pre-teen to teenager i ate separately or at the end of the table with nobody sat across from me. DGF had revolting manners so I avoided eating with him. I did once have a go at him he just told me to fuck off and was worse than ever afterwards. I really believe i was initially triggered by a kid at junior school, he was utterly disgusting. I also have auditory processing disorder.

My kids could all sit nicely, eat nicely before 2 years of age. They are adults who also believe in good manners.

She hates my breathing or nose noise

What?
Nose noise?
Its sounds like you make a lot of noise?!

I think misophonia is over egged and some people are just exceptionally noisy and irritating.
My DH can make the cat jump when he eats an apple, its like a whip cracking!
When he coughs I feel like the walls might come down
Grrr hate noisy people

I think she’s found a clever way to bully you.

I’d make her explain herself to a doctor.

@Monkeytennis97 it was fun in my house two when DS2 who has autism developed tics for a while, the throat clearing one particularly triggered DS1.
DS1 eats in his room now, something I was very against in my early parenting days.

I wouldn’t put up with someone treating me like this in my own home, it’s abusive and not okay.

Tell her to grow up and behave herself 🤷‍♀️ she needs to find a solution for this, not you.

I have misophonia around the noise of anyone eating. I cope by having background music that I love on during meals and having my chair in a position / distance from others at the table so I can’t really hear them. I also turn off my hearing aids or play music through them if I need to.

I’ve never got angry with it though - I’ve had it since I was around 9 (triggered we think by my gran’s ill-fitting false teeth and her habit of
clicking them in and out during meals). I would offer to wash up / eat faster and leave the table early to get away from it before she’d finished, until we developed the other coping mechanisms (one memorable year was the Christmas brandy sauce that was more brandy than sauce).

Does she have a particular piece of music that calms her that you could play at mealtimes?

OP I have a friend in Australia who is a hypnotherapist specializing in treating misophonia. Could be worth looking into something like that to help. I understand my friend has good success helping people.